Page 34 of Trust Again

Sawyer grinned. Then she got up and went over to her closet at the back of our room. She opened the door and leaned down to rummage for something. A moment later she stood up, clutching a bottle of vodka triumphantly. “Here. This’ll distract you.”

“No, thanks. This would be the worst time for alcohol.”

“You are the biggest liar in the world. Really.” She put the bottle back in her closet and threw a few pieces of clothing over it. “Come on, what’s really going on?”

Huh? “What do you mean?”

She gestured impatiently as she walked over and flopped on to her bed. “The story behind your unnecessary sobriety.”

I still didn’t know what she meant.

“It’s obvious, in your eyes and in the tension in your shoulders. You want a drink, but something stops you. And it’s not that dumb presentation.”

It was true. There was nothing I wanted more than to numb my anxiety and calm my nerves. But drinking before the presentation was not a good idea. Partly because I tended to do really dumb things under the influence.

“Oh. Oh,” Sawyer said dramatically. “It’s about a guy.”

“Oh, shut up.”

She patted her bed and leaned against the headboard, adjusting a pillow. “Come on, Dawn. It feels like ages since I swore off men; I need something to keep me entertained.” Again she patted the bed with her palm, more firmly this time.

How annoying. I groaned in protest and shuffled across the room, sitting on the edge of her bed.

“So?” she asked. “Is he an alcoholic? Is that why you don’t want to touch the stuff?”

“What? No!”

“Does he have a daughter, so you have to meet in secret?”

“Where are you coming up with these ideas?”

“FromThe Bachelorette. God, I love that show,” She grinned impishly, looking so much like the Cheshire Cat fromAlice in Wonderlandthat I couldn’t help laughing. “You don’t have to tell me, Dawn. But you ought to know that I’m a good listener and all that shit.”

“What shit?”

She let herself sink a little deeper into the pillows. “You know what I mean.”

My back was literally against the wall.

“Okay: I can’t drink because I might do something dumb and call someone who doesn’t want to have anything to do with me right now,” I said slowly and cautiously.

“Okay.” Sawyer pronounced it nice and slow. “Is that also why you’re always hanging around here looking like you’ll burst into tears any second?”

“Yeah, that’s more or less it.” My throat suddenly felt dry. “I had a falling out with a friend.”

“What happened?” she probed.

“He made it clear that he wanted more from me than I can give. And then I found out that he has a shitload of problems, but he doesn’t want to talk about them with me because he thinks I’ll pity him, and actually I’m really worried about him and… it’s all gotten out of hand.”

“Guys with problems are always the hottest,” Sawyer sighed. “Do you want more with him?”

I thought about all the times I’d spent with Spencer, about his touch and his voice and his beautiful hands and… my eyes opened wide. “No. No, I don’t. No!”

“That was one ‘no’ too many.”

I shook my head vigorously. “I don’t want anything with Spencer!”

There was a moment of silence in the room.