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She finally smiles. “Please sit. You’re making my neck hurt.”

I nod and take the chair next to hers. “How are you holding up?”

“Surprisingly, I’m okay. A couple of really dark days dealing with arrangements and helping Walter through it…he’s not dealing with it well. We got him some help…” She sighs. “But, I have my family around me. That helps,” she says.

“Being around the people who love you and care for you is the only thing that’s truly comforting in these moments.”

There’s such emotion in her eyes as she says, “That’s mostly true. Ay’s messages have meant the world to me. She has the right words. Thank you for bringing her.”

“We needed to be here for you. Lux, I—” I shake my head. “No, this is not the time.”

Her hand flies to cover mine. “Tell me.”

“When I called you, I had so many things I wanted to say to you, but I was scared and a coward. You know, for so long, I thought Mateo was a pure imbecile because he had you and didn’t appreciate you. Then Noris appeared, and I overreacted so badly because I let fear and my past whisper in my ear.”

What am I doing telling her all of this? She’s frowning, and I don’t blame her, but I can’t stop. “It turns out that I’m dumber than he is for letting you go. In the end, I had you, the prize and the glory, but ended up losing it all because I couldn’t control myself.”

Her mouth goes slack. Then she closes it and opens it again. “You had your reasons to be angry.”

“I shouldn’t have thrown us away because of that. I pride myself on being calm and rational, but I screwed up so badly. But you know what’s my biggest regret?”

She shakes her head.

I cover her hand with mine. “That you’re grieving, and because I was so rash, I can’t spend the whole night holding you, rubbing my hands up and down your back. I can’t let you cry on my chest, or kiss the sadness out of your eyes, or tell you I love you with every fiber of my body until you can sleep.”

Her eyes go liquid, and she snatches her hand back to cover her mouth. “Ollie, I can’t?—”

I shake my head. “You don’t have to say or do anything. I just need you to know that.”

She nods.

“Lux,” Cam calls from across the room. There’s a man I vaguely recognize with him.

She sighs. “I’m sorry. That’s the mayor. I need to go receive his condolences.”

“Go,” I say, helping her up.

She walks away, but as she talks to the mayor, she looks my way.

And though she didn’t say it, I see hope. I swear I will be there. I won’t miss my chance when it comes again.

Chase comes to sit by me. He’s more somber than I’ve ever seen him. “Thanks for coming, Coach. Look at Cam over there talking to politicians. He hates those people. This shit is so fucked we don’t know how to act. But I’m not going over there to talk to that clown, so I’m sitting here with you.”

He looks tired, like Lux and Cam.

“How are you holding up?” I ask.

“Fine, I guess. Me and Marilyn were a shit show. Now she’s dead. It doesn’t matter, though. We have to take care of Lux.”

“We will.”

Chase pats me on the shoulder. “She’s been tough and probably better adjusted than me and Cam. She’s always been, but she needs us. She needs you.” He points at me. “You need to go ahead and step up your game and get her back.”

He’s giving me his blessing all over again. If this is not a sign, I don’t know what the word means. “Thanks.”

Chase nods. “Just don’t make me regret it. I don’t ever want to see anything that makes me uncomfortable.”

I chuckle. “Like what?”