Page 149

“How is she going to get through this?”

The question should be rhetorical. No one has an answer, and I’m getting ready to give her the standard, “Give it time,” but her eyes go liquid, and her breathing becomes shallow. “Ay?”

She shakes her head and rubs the back of her hand over her eyes, like when she was three and tried to shake a fall.

Her gaze centers on the TV, on the movie neither of us is watching, but the tears fall free and fast. The sight burns a hole through my chest. I scoot closer and put my arm around her shoulders.

“Death is never easy, mi amor. But time and those who love us can help make things a little easier.”

“She won’t ever see her mom again. She can’t make it up to her.”

I frown and look at her. How much does she know?

“What do you mean?”

“She wasn’t there for her or Chase or Mr. Cam. Her dad either. I didn’t have my mom, but I had you. You were always there for me. I don’t think she had anyone, and now she can’t make up with her mom.”

“Negrita, life is complicated. I am sure her mom loved her too.”

“But she’s dead, Papi. She loved her, and she’s dead.”

“I know, and that happens.”

She pulls away from me, her eyes wild and teary. Her mouth is half open. And it hits me.

This is about more than Lux’s mom’s death.

“Ay—”

“Anyone can just die at any moment?”

My heart thumps because how the fuck do I make this better for her? For Lux?

“Remember when Abuela Amada died?”

She nods.

“Sometimes God takes people with him when they have fulfilled their path in life.”

“But what about their families? What about their kids? I don’t have any other family. Just you.”

I breathe and stay calm, not letting myself think about how much that bothers me. How, for months now, I have been harboring on this very subject. “First, you’re not going to lose me. I’m not going anywhere.”

“How do you know that?” she yells.

I need to be careful what I say and not speak from the place of fear. “I’m not going to lie to you, Ay. I can’t swear that I know. All I can do is have faith. But I want you to remember that you have people who love you. You have your Abuela and your mom?—”

Her lip curls. “Are you serious? You don’t even trust them. And Mom walked away. I like her, but she’s not you. She doesn’t know me like you do or care for me like you. All she can talk about is me becoming an influencer. She wouldn’t know how to talk me down from a pregame panic because I don’t have my lucky socks. She doesn’t even understand why me and B are so close. She’s not you. No one is you. What will I do if you die?”

Tears prickle the corners of my eyes, and my heart has never been so whole and so broken at the same time than at this moment.

“Mi vida, we can’t live thinking about death. We need to make the most of every moment we spend with those we love. We have to take advantage of every opportunity to tell them how much we love them. And if anything were to happen, you have to give your mom the opportunity to step up. And you also have so many other people who love you, like Bron, Lauren, Adri, Winter.”

“And Lux. She told me today.”

Oh. “What else did she say?”

“She’s sad, but she said that my reaching out helped her. That I was the only one who knew just what she needed to hear.”