Page 152

“You shouldn’t be alone. You can come home with me too,” Cam insists.

“It’s sweet of both of you, but I’m at peace. I just want to go to my place and be with my things. Of course I’ll come over and hang out but not to stay. You get it, right?”

They nod. Chase is still frowning, and I squeeze his hand. “I’ll call if I need you.”

“Or if you need to talk.”

I can’t help it; I tease him. “Oh, you want to talk? You must really love me.”

He holds up his thumb and index fingers in the universal ‘a little bit’ sign.

He opens his palm and latches on to my hand. “If her death taught us anything is that we need to hold on to each other and deal with everything as a unit, including Walter. I know he’s a mess right now, but this is not just your problem. It’s ours. Promise me, you won’t try to tackle this alone.”

I nod and so does Cam. A sense of peace washes over me because Walter is destroyed and his guilt is too much for me alone.

When the car pulls up to Cam’s brownstone, I hold my breath because we now have to let the world in and interact with people other than those we love.

But I’m going home soon, and that’s a comfort in itself.

When we go inside, Mateo is in conversation with Mimi, and though I would typically run far away from those two, there are a few words I need to say to him.

When I approach, Mimi gives me her condolences, and I thank her. Relief pours over her face when she realizes she doesn’t need to stand there, and she moves on to Cam and Chase.

“I’m sorry for your loss,” Mateo says.

I nod. “Thank you for standing up for Marilyn. Your words were touching and meant a lot. She was really fond of you.”

“As I was of her. Luxxy, I just want you to know I still love you, and if you ever need me, you know how to find me.”

He means it. It’s in the way he looks at me, but if I have it my way, as grateful as I am, this will be the last time we are in each other’s presence.

I give him a quick hug and move on to greet other guests.

As he’s walking out of one door, Ollie walks in with Ayla and Bron. He takes a step my way when a reporter stands in my line of view and asks me for a word.

Oliver

The church service went by in a blur. Bron sat with Ay and I, holding on to my negrita’s hand. They whispered and talked through parts of the service, but my eyes were glued to the back of Lux’s head. She was sitting between Chase and Cam.

Our gazes met graveside, and Lux half smiled, half grimaced at me. She dabbed at her tears when Mateo spoke on behalf of her mom. He really cared for her. It was in the affectionate way he talked about her.

The three siblings were stoic through the service. They stayed behind while everyone walked away. Lux’s green eyes were nearly gray, her hand firmly wrapped around Chase’s arm.

The rest of us got in our cars and headed to Cam’s for the repast. Bron rode in the car with me and Ay. We took the long way to the house and got stuck in traffic. By the time we got to Cam’s, the siblings were there. Lux and her brothers were receiving people coming in and out to pay their respects. She was speaking to someone from the press on behalf of her family.

I see my moment to speak to her when she sits in a chair near a window in the back of the room. But my daughter and Bron reach her before I can. Bron heads toward her parents. Ayla sits next to her. They hug and pull away, still holding hands. I can’t hear what they say, but my negrita whispers something that makes Lux nod and dab at the corners of her eyes. They continue to talk in hushed tones, with a familiarity that tugs at my chest. Soon, Lux is mirroring Ayla’s smile.

At one point, both turn to me. I don’t want to make this awkward by pretending I’m doing something else, so I move to stand by them.

Ayla stands. “I’m going to hang out with Justin and Felix.” She leaves us to stare after her.

Lux pushes to her feet and hugs me. “Thank you for coming.”

I squeeze her tight, feeling her body against mine, trying to make her feel what my words can’t say. “I’m sorry for your loss. I’m here for anything you need.”

“Thank you.” She pulls back and sits again.

I remain standing.