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She is in tears as we say goodbye, and I jump in the cab to the airport. The second I’m in the backseat, in the dark, I close my eyes and breathe.

My thoughts turn to all our conversations of late. I don’t know what she wanted to say to me. I can’t remember loving moments between us, and every time I saw her, I was already tired before we said a word to each other. I got so used to not having a real mother that I forced myself not to need her or love her. And I didn’t.

And now she’s gone, and I won’t hear from her again. I won’t sigh when I see her or remove her from rooms so she doesn’t ruin family moments.

And that’s sad, and it shatters my heart because this is what I remember.

Not hugs and love, like what I see between Bron and Adri or Lauren with the boys. She would’ve never put me first the way Ollie does with Ay. She didn’t fight for me the way he fights even her mother to make sure Ayla is okay and not hurting.

I feel so alone, but I don’t pick up my phone when Lauren and Adri call. I need the silence more than I need anyone’s words. As the private jet Cam arranged for me takes off, I look out the window at Positano with yearning. I didn’t think I could feel worse about life than when I landed here. Turns out, it can always get worse, and my heart could be doubled over.

And then my notification pings, alerting me to a voicemail message. It’s from Oliver.

My pulse speeds, and I rush to listen to it. Even at this moment, I’m drawn to him like a moth to a flame.

Hey, Luciana. I was calling to tell you how sorry I am about your mom. I know what this loss feels like, and I hate that you’re going through it. I’m here for whatever you need. My heart is with you…always.

He lingers at the end, like there’s more he wants to say but then hangs up. The walls in my throat close, and I have to force myself to breathe. Because if his heart were with me, I wouldn’t have been here or flying alone for hours to bury my mother.

And it’s that thought that forces me to start focusing on what I need to do. There will be enough time to mourn Marilyn. So, I message Mimi about pausing some of my content.

Maeven sends me a message with a drafted public statement. I know this is the last thing on your mind, but I thought you could use it.

I send her a hug emoji and save it to my social media drafts. Tomorrow, I will post it.

I close my eyes and start falling asleep when the notification pings. My pulse races, thinking it’s another message from Ollie, but it’s from Ayla.

Ayla

Heard about your mom. I’m really sorry. Love u so much.

She follows it with the double pink hearts that have become such a big part of us. My eyes fill so fast and the sob escapes my throat, releasing the weight occupying my chest, weighing it down and choking me up.

And I cry because this teenage girl has managed to say the words that set my complicated emotions free.

I cry for the love she feels for me, the love I feel for her and her father. I mostly cry because Marilyn and I could’ve had a relationship like they do, except she stopped being my mommy long ago. And now it’s too late.

Oliver

“Can I make you some coffee, Papi?”

I look up from my phone to find Ayla so close to me. “No, thank you.”

She doesn’t move away. Instead, she takes a seat next to me. I can’t stop thinking about Lux, and I keep staring at her reply to my text. Just one word: Thanks.

Regret is a rippling echo because I should’ve said more. I should have told her that I love her, and I wish I could be with her. I should’ve asked if I can pick her up from the airport. I would’ve driven to New York to do just that.

She doesn’t need that from me and most likely doesn’t want it. She and her family have money, and she’s flying home by private jet, and Adri mentioned Chase and Cam were going to pick her up.

She needs her family now, not the guy that hurt her.

“I’m so sad for Lux,” Ayla says, bringing my attention back to her.

“Me too, negrita.”

“I want to do something for her. I just don’t know what.” Her big eyes are cloudy and troubled.

I touch her cheek. “All we can do now is keep her in our thoughts and be there if she needs something from us.”