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“Oh, babe, c’mere.” Mom pulls me to her chest, and I rest my head on her shoulder the way I used to when I was a little kid. And then I finally allow myself to let go, sniffing and softly crying against her while she strokes the back of my head and whispers, “I love you, son. I love you so much. And so does your dad.”
CHAPTER60
NYLAH
Why did I agree to come to this game?
Mom wanted the entire family here to support Dad, and I came back from the basketball gym with Jolie and Ben feeling kind of upbeat. So I said yes without really thinking about it.
And now I’m finding my seat in the stands of a stadium in San Antonio and wishing like anything I was back in Nolan. Because I can see the back of Carson’s helmet from where I’m sitting. As much as I don’t want to, my eyes trace the line of his shoulders and that arm that’s stretched along the back of the bench.
Dad’s still not playing him, and I’m pissed off about that, because Carson’s too damn good to be warming the bench for such an important game.
But that boy broke the rules, and my dad’s taking his sweet time to forgive him.
Anger stirs through me as I bob my leg and watch our defense do a pretty good takedown.
“Yes!” Denzel punches his fist in the air, then starts clapping. “Come on, Cougars. Come on.”
Amina’s little legs swing back and forth on the seat as she plays with the Ariel doll Mom and Dad gave her for Christmas. Although she’s ten now, she still has so much little girl in her. She’s a shorty, which makes her look about seven or eight, and she’s obsessed withThe Little Mermaid, constantly pretending to be Ariel and dancing around the house singing about feet and fins and wanting to be part of their world.
It’s kind of cute.
I smile down at her when she looks up at me. She’s really not into football, but this trip isn’t about the game. It’s about Dad and supporting all the coaching work he’s put into the Nolan U Cougars.
Glancing back down at the field, I clench my jaw, forcing my eyes away from Carson and trying to focus on the next play.
But I can’t!
I miss him.
I’ve been trying so hard not to think about him, to hang out with Jolie and her friends, but they all left over the Christmas break, so I holed up with my family, watching countless movies with Gramma, painting my nails with Amina, kicking Eli’s ass at Catan and then arguing with Denzel over how many glasses of eggnog he’s allowed.
It was a busy time, filled with distractions that kept my head above water.
But then my grandparents flew home and the Christmas high settled, Dad’s focus shifting to this college bowl game and my mind wandering right back to where it wasn’t supposed to go.
I nearly didn’t get on the plane yesterday afternoon.
But I didn’t want to let my family down.
So here I am, sitting in the stands, my heart shredding like someone’s taken to it with a weed eater. And all because of the back of a helmet.
“Baby.” Mom nudges my shoulder. “You okay?”
I blink and glance her way, trying to smile, but who knows what the hell I show her.
Why does breathing suddenly hurt?
I rub the spot beneath my collarbone, trying not to think about the fact that Carson has cut me so completely from his life.
Here was me falling head over heels in love with him, and now he wants nothing to do with me.
I actually saw him about a week ago. He was walking on the other side of Main Street, and I watched him the entire way. Surely he could sense my gaze, but he didn’t give an inch. He kept his eyes straight ahead, locked on where he was going, and I was nothing, barely a blip on his radar.
That night, I dreamed about him and woke up in tears. Jolie had already left, so I just lay there in my room, crying and wishing he was beside me. I missed his warm body wrapped around mine. I missed his kisses, his twitching lips, the way his eyes smiled before his mouth did.
I miss?—