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She just said…
Oh fuck.
I don’t know what to do with that.
People don’t… they don’t love me. They don’t…
My eyes start to water and I quickly blink, slipping out of her and lowering her to the ground.
“Here.” She grabs some tissues out of her clutch, oblivious to my internal freak-out.
I take them with quivering fingers, cleaning myself up before hitching my pants and tucking my shirt in.
Fuck, my hands won’t stop shaking.
Nylah starts to giggle. It’s her husky, sexy laugh.
Glancing at her, I wonder if she’s about to tease me for being allergic to the L-word, but she just wraps her hand around the back of my neck and pulls me down for a kiss.
“That was hot, caveman. Looking forward to round two later tonight.” With another soft laugh, she walks away, opening the door and illuminating herself with the hallway light. “See you at the party.”
I drink in her wink, then flop back against the wall, staring across the shadowed conference table and surrounding chairs.
Shit.
She loves me.
What the fuck do I do now?
CHAPTER43
NYLAH
It doesn’t bother me that Carson hasn’t said “I love you” back. He’s not a man of many words, and I can tell by the looks he gives me sometimes that I mean a lot to him. I don’t need to hear three words to know we’ve got something good going on here.
What bothers me is that sinceIlet those three words slip, he’s been acting slightly distant. He still met me at my dorm after the party. He helped me take off my dress, and we left it as a puddle on my bathroom floor while he took me from behind in the shower. The hot water cascaded over us as I let out those cries I couldn’t unleash at the party. My groans bounced off the walls, blending with his grunts and moans. It was a beautiful symphony that makes me smile every time I think about it.
He stayed the whole night, held me in his arms, and made slow, languid love to me the next morning. And that was the last time we did it, because I’m dealing with a visit from the Red Queen right now, and I’m counting the days until it’s over.
He kissed me before he left on Sunday but wouldn’t look me in the eye. Something has shifted inside him.
I don’t know if I should talk about the whole “I love you” thing, tell him I’m not expecting him to say it right back or anything. But I don’t know whether bringing it up will just make it worse.
But what if I want to say it again?
I should be able to tell him how I feel, right?
He’s my boyfriend.
I think.
We’ve never really labeled what we have, because we can’t tell anybody about it.
But it’s still a real thing.
“Not if you keep it hidden. You can’t go on like this forever, Nylah. If you love the guy, then the world needs to know too. Including your father. Sometimes keeping stuff hidden can be more hassle than it’s worth.”
Those were Jolie’s words, not mine. I spilled all on Monday after classes. We met like we said we would, and I now know her mystery boyfriend’s name—it’s Ben. I also know how they got together and swore never to tell a soul, just like she swore she wouldn’t tell anyone that I’m secretly dating Carson McAvoy… until I’m ready to make it public. I also told her that he made me come at the donors’ dinner, because I felt I owed her one after she told me the dirty little secret she and Ben are keeping. Oh man, she loved that story. We giggled for a good five minutes over that one. I’ve never seen her face go so red.