Page 93

Sam caught her wrist just as she was about to let her hand fly a second time. “No.” He held her wrist tightly enough to immobilize it, but not enough to hurt. “I probably deserved what I just got for hurting you in the past. But I’m not taking another bitch-slap for offering to marry you and give you everything you want.”
“You’re a damn liar. You don’t want to marry me or even fund my clinic. This is some kind of sick, twisted joke. And I don’t understand why.” Tears spilled from her eyes, eyes that were full of hurt and confusion.
“Goddamn it, Maddie.” He swung her up into his arms. She kicked and twisted until he wrapped his arms around her, holding her immobile. “It’s not a fucking joke. I’m not twisted. Much.” Okay…maybe he was a little, but not about this, not about her.
Angry, he carried her to the living room, fuming. Dumping her on a roomy leather couch, he came down on top of her, restraining her flailing hands by holding her wrists above her head.
His chest heaving, Sam looked at her face, keeping most of his weight from her smaller frame with his legs. Tears were streaming from her eyes, an endless river that didn’t seem to be stopping.Fuck!“Please don’t cry, Maddie.”I can’t handle it when she cries. She’s had too much disappointment and pain in her life already.Knowing he was the source of her tears, no matter how unintentional, nearly killed him.
She turned her face away from him. “Let go. I want to leave.”
“The offer was sincere, Maddie. I’m not sure why you think I’d play that kind of game with you, but I have no reason to do that. Think about it. It makes no sense.” He sighed, frustrated.
She turned her head and nailed him with a searching look. “About as much sense as you asking me to marry you. We hate each other—”
“You hate me. I don’t hate you. I never have,” he rasped, trying to squelch the barrage of emotions pounding at him.
“You didn’t want to fuck me, either. And you didn’t even respect me enough to break up withmebefore you fuckedher. I cared about you, Sam. And seeing you with that woman made a mockery of everything we ever shared. Our friendship. Our relationship. Everything was just one big joke on me.” She yanked at her hands, and Sam released her, sitting up to give her space since she appeared calmer.
“Maddie, I—”
“So excuse me if I think this is just another twisted lie, but I don’t trust you. With good reason,” she finished, running a shaky hand through her hair to thrust back her wayward curls from her face, her face still damp from spent tears. “I need to leave. Can you take me to the clinic to pick up my car?”
“No. You’re staying. The rehearsal is starting in a few hours,” he insisted, his jaw clenched. “You didn’t give me an answer on my proposal.”
“Because I don’t think it’s really necessary, but if you want one…then the answer is no. Hell no. Absolutely not,” she gasped. “You broke my heart once. How stupid do you think I am? Unless you can give me a damn good reason why you were sucking tongue with that tall, skinny, beautiful woman all those years ago—”
“Because I didn’t have a goddamn choice,” he shouted hoarsely, the explosion coming from deep inside his body. “I had to get you away from me so you didn’t get hurt. That woman, who was at least fifteen years older than me, was a fucking FBI agent. Did you even look at her?” He shuddered, his emotions close to the surface, unable to remember that nightmare day without nearly flying into a frustrated rage.
“All I remember is that she was pretty and she had her tongue down your throat. And your hands were all over her,” Maddie answered, her voice uncertain, sad with remembered pain.
“She was good at her job. We were meeting to try to find a way to protect you. That’s why I asked you to come and meet me for coffee. Kate said the best way to protect you was to alienate you, but I couldn’t do it. I cared too damn much. She told me if I really cared about you, I’d worry about your safety first. She was right, but I didn’t know how to walk away from you, even though I knew somehow I had to so I would know you were safe. So when she saw you coming, she did it herself by shoving her tongue down my throat. She convinced me that making you hate me was the way to save you, so yeah, I played into it. I didn’t know whether to thank her or hate her fucking guts afterward. I hated having my hands on a woman who wasn’t you, Maddie. I hated it while it was happening, knowing you were watching and feeling betrayed. And if you think I haven’t lived with the regret of having to do that every fucking day since it happened…you’d be wrong.”
Sam sat next to Maddie and buried his face in his hands, still hating himself for what had happened, but knowing that ithadbeen the only way. Back then, he had been young and selfish, unable to push Maddie away because he wanted her too badly, needed her too much. And she was so loyal that she never would have left him unless she thought herself betrayed. “I didn’t want to hurt you, but the thought of something happening to you made me so crazy that I did what I had to do.”
“Why the FBI? Were you in some kind of trouble?” Maddie questioned, her voice still full of doubt and confusion.
He sat back on the couch, resting his head against the leather. “Not me. Not really. You know my history, Maddie. You know my father died of an overdose and that he had connections to organized crime.”
“Yes,” she nodded. “You told me. He died soon after we met.”
“I knew things. Things that could help take the whole organization down. My father was not a nice man. I ran interference between the old man and Simon, doing whatever I had to do to keep the old bastard from hurting my little brother. I was underage when I ran errands and did other things under duress, so I wasn’t really in trouble. But I also knew enough to help take down a worldwide organization that was pure evil.”
He took a deep breath and blew it out before he continued. “I came here to Tampa just hoping to get my family away, to start a new life and just leave that life behind. But once I met you, I knew I couldn’t bury all of my past and just run, pretend I didn’t know things. I wanted to be a good man, and a decent person wouldn’t be selfish enough not to try to prevent the pain and death caused by this organization. I had to do what I could to take the bastards down. I went to the Feds around December and fed them information, worked with them to help the investigation. It took months, but they finally got agents on the inside and enough information to bring the whole thing tumbling down. Unfortunately, information got leaked that I was a snitch, and that made me and anyone I cared about a target. Kate helped me realize I couldn’t afford to be close to anyone. I was a dangerous person to know.”
“I would have stayed with you, done whatever—”
“And you could have wound up dead. I couldn’t take that chance.” He sat up, grasping Maddie by the shoulders, shaking her lightly. “I didn’t even get my mother and Simon out in time. Simon was stabbed by someone in the organization, a payback for my father being disloyal. Those were people who killed without a thought. They didn’t give a shit about any human life. Do you understand?” he growled, his emotions ready to explode from his body. Perspiration poured down his face, a reaction he had every time he thought about what had happened to Simon and what could have happened to Maddie.
“What happened to Simon wasn’t your fault, Sam,” Maddie answered quietly, her voice soothing.
“Bullshit! I was his big brother. I should have gotten him out sooner. I should have known they’d take revenge on whoever was available.” Releasing Maddie, he slumped back on the couch.
“You were barely an adult yourself. How could you have known?”
“I should have known. I’d seen these people in action since I could walk,” he answered softly, dangerously.
“Why didn’t you find me later? After the whole thing ended?” Maddie queried, her voice tremulous.