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At the moment, he looked like nothing but trouble, completely furious and irritated as he stared at her from his home office desk, leaning back in his chair, glowering.
Sam was hiding behind his façade again, and Maddie hated it. He’d shown some vulnerability during the time that he had been ill. But he was the bully again…back in full force. She could accept Sam’s alpha male personality. In fact, there were times she adored it. However,nowwas not one of those moments, when he was uttering demands, without a compromise or reason for his actions.
“You’re driving the new car. Period. End of discussion,” he barked, as though she were one of his employees.
Maddie took a deep breath and blew it out. “Fine. If the discussion is over, I’m leaving. And you can take the car and shove it up your ass because I’m not driving it. You had no right to select a vehicle for me without asking and then demand I drive it. I’m not one of your damn employees.”
Wishing she had never come to his house this evening, she tried to compose herself. All she’d wanted to do was make sure he was feeling okay, taking care of himself. He’d been a complete ass to her this evening, basically throwing her keys to a new metallic black Mercedes SUV that had probably cost more than most people’s homes, and demanding that she drive it. It wasn’t that she didn’t love the vehicle. She actually did. Who wouldn’t? Her problem was his attitude, his distance. He just commanded and expected her to jump to his demands. He was hiding again, worried that he had shown too much weakness, and was going way over the top to make up for the lapse during his illness. She understood what he was doing and his motivations for it. But dammit…it hurt.
“I know you’re not one of my damn employees. If you were, you’d do what I tell you to do,” he growled. “And if you walk out that door, I’ll catch you.”
Folding her arms in front of her, she glared at him. “Then what? How do you plan to force me to drive it?” she retorted, her voice starting to get shaky and emotional. “Damn it! You didn’t even ask me if I liked it, if I wanted it. My opinion doesn’t matter, as long as I do as you say. What the hell is wrong with you tonight?” A lone tear flowed down her cheek and she swiped at it impatiently. There was so much about Sam that she loved, but there were a few things she couldn’t tolerate.
Bossy…okay. Occasionally.
Demanding in bed…hell yeah.
Protective…yep.
Distant and cold…hell no!
Sam stood and walked around the desk. “You’re not leaving,” he said huskily. “Why are you crying?”
Maddie sprinted for the door, not ready to answer that question.
Because I love you so much it hurts. Because I want to matter to you as much as you matter to me. Because when you shut me out and get cold, I get scared.
Pulling the door open frantically, desperate to escape, she felt Sam’s body slam into her from behind, pushing the door closed, trapping her between his arms on both sides of her body.
She leaned her forehead against the door, tears escaping her eyes unchecked. “Please, just let me go.”
“Tell me why you’re crying. You don’t like the car? I can take it back. Get something else, as long as it’s safe. It’s classy and it reminded me of you.” He was panting, his breath warm against her ear.
Shit.He was softening, acting likeherSam again.Here I go, up the roller coaster incline, wondering when I’m going to plummet again.
“I can’t handle this, Sam. Please.” Her emotions were a jumbled mess, old baggage coming back to haunt her. She couldn’t help it. Sam was so necessary to her happiness that it scared her when he became so icy and brittle.
“What did I do, Sunshine? Tell me.” His voice was tender, emotional. “I’ll fix it.”
“When you’re cold and distant, I get afraid that you don’t want me anymore,” she choked out emotionally. She hadn’t meant to say it, but there it was. “I know it’s old baggage, and I know I’m probably needier than most women when it comes to you, but I have to know that I’m important to you, that my opinions matter. ThatImatter.” Even to herself, she sounded pathetic, but she couldn’t help it. “When you distance yourself emotionally from me, acting cold, I get scared.”
Sam wrapped his arms around Maddie’s upper body, bringing her back against him, rocking her. “I’m sorry, sweetheart. So sorry,” he murmured against her ear, rocking her back and forth against him. “I get scared, too. I’m afraid something will happen to you, and I won’t be worth a shit if it does. Don’t you understand how important you are to me?”
Maddie shook her head, her shoulders shaking from suppressed sobs of agony, temporarily haunted by her fears from the past. Dammit! She had learned to be alone, not to depend on anyone. But all of her defenses were crumbling with this man.
Sam turned her and lifted her into his arms, coming to rest on the leather couch against the wall of his home office, holding her tightly on his lap. “I need you, Maddie. So much that it terrifies me. I guess sometimes I’m afraid to need someone so damn much that my whole life depends on it.” He released a shaky, masculine sigh as he stroked her hair.
“I need you, too, Sam. So much. I can’t stand it when you’re cold and remote. It brings back all of my past, all of the times that nobody wanted me.” She had already told him the worst. If she couldn’t share her emotions, he would never know.
“Fuck!” He raked a hand through his hair in frustration. “Sunshine, sometimes I forget that you have your own insecurities. I was a selfish prick. I was only thinking about protecting myself. Forgive me. Please. I’ll try to never do it again. I promise. But I don’t think I can stop worrying.” He pulled back, shooting her an intense look, his liquid green eyes hot and torrid.
“I want you exactly as you are, minus the frigid stuff,” she said, smiling through her tears. She had been selfish, too, letting her fears rule her, forgetting about Sam’s past and how vulnerable he had to feel right now.
“What if it’s too hot?” he asked, his baritone husky and rough.
She melted and smiled as she met his eyes, his look of desire blatant, his face completely stripped of its icy mask. “Then I’ll happily burn,” she answered, moving to straddle him, wrapping her arms around his neck.
Sam snaked his hand behind Maddie’s head, pulling her head down roughly to meet his hungry mouth. He devoured her, his silken tongue dancing with hers, demanding and rough. She was positioned on top of him, but still, he mastered her. His hands moved to her temples, spearing his hands into her hair, securing her in place for his possession.