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Kade groaned as he fell backward and rolled her onto her back, looming large above her. “It’s not nice to tease,” he cautioned her in a graveled voice.
Asha’s body heated as Kade held her helpless on the bed, looking like he wanted to devour her whole. “No teasing. Teach me,” she beseeched, her body aching for him.
I want to experience it all today…with you.
“It could take awhile,” he warned, lowering his mouth to hers. “You’re still pretty innocent.”
Kade’s kiss took her breath away, but Asha didn’t complain. Finding out just how naughty Kade could be was worth every breathless pant that came from her mouth as Kade took her to paradise.
Asha left the next day. While Kade was gone to work, she put the rest of her things together and walked out the door. It was one of the hardest things she’d ever done, but she pushed herself out the door with her small suitcase, skirting Kade’s security, and entered the waiting cab. Tears streamed down her face as the cab pulled away from the curb, but she knew she was doing the right thing. Her emotions were raw, and her confusion was rampant.
She and Kade had incredible sex, and she was grateful to him, but she didn’t know if what they felt was love or lust. Both of them were in vulnerable positions and mutual need just wasn’t going to be enough for either of them.
She’d already rented a tiny apartment across town. Although she had funds, she wanted to be careful. Still needing to purchase a car and more furnishings for the apartment, she had to be cautious with her money. Eventually, she’d contact Maddie and Max. But not yet, not when her emotions were still so fragile and not before she’d learned to truly survive alone.
This is going to hurt Kade.
The tears flowed faster and she swiped them away with impatient fingers. A short, temporary hurt was better than wounding him more in the future.
I’m still damaged.
I’m confused.
I’m not ready or worthy of a man like Kade.
Oh, but she wanted to be, and she wanted it desperately right now. The last thing she wanted was to leave him, but she cared too much about him to let him be stuck with half a woman, a woman who really didn’t know who she was or what she wanted.
I start that journey of discovery today!
And there was one thing that Asha wanted, something she’d never had.
After asking the taxi driver to make a quick stop for her, she hopped out of the cab and ducked into a jewelry store. The price of gold wasn’t cheap, but she bought the matching set of bangle bracelets anyway, putting a small dent in her savings.
Back in the cab, she fingered the bracelets, loving the sound of the thin hoops tinkling together. Indian women loved their bangles, and she was no different. When she was younger, she had yearned for even a cheap pair of bangles, but she’d never gotten them. Her foster parents barely fed her, and her husband never felt she deserved to have them because she couldn’t get pregnant and wasn’t really a woman.
Dr. Miller and Devi had recommended that she take the things she liked and wanted from her Indian heritage and dump the bad things because she was, after all, an American. And one thing she’d always coveted was bangles. Maybe it was imbedded in her DNA, but she’d always wanted them. She’d been deprived of the right to wear them even though she had been raised as an Indian woman. Now, she could decide what she wanted for herself. That thought both soothed and terrified her. She’d gone from a demanding, controlling foster family to an abusive husband. Even the last two years had been decisions made only for survival.
Who am I?
What do I want?
Her errant thoughts were interrupted as she arrived at her apartment building. After hastily paying and tipping the driver, she exited the cab and strode toward her apartment, nervous and apprehensive, but feeling stronger than she’d ever felt in her entire life.
I wish I could tell Kade how I feel.
Chastising herself for the thought, she realized that it was going to take a long timenotto miss Kade. In addition to being an incredible lover, he had become her first true friend, the one man who had treated her with respect and kindness. He was special, and deep in her heart, Asha knew it. But he was more than a friend, and staying in his life would just make everything murky and confused. Maybe leaving his home had partially been for her protection, too. She believed Kade deserved more than a confused, messed-up woman, but she was fighting emotions that she just couldn’t deal with right at the moment. Kade overwhelmed her, and she wasn’t strong enough yet to deal with those intense feelings.
Letting herself into the apartment, she closed the door and locked it behind her.
“Home sweet home,” she said to herself, looking around the sparsely furnished apartment. She had a couch and a bed, along with a few bare essentials, but she needed to shop for the rest of what she needed. She’d rented the apartment a few days ago and Devi’s family had helped her move the few things she had purchased into the apartment. Now, it was time to make it a home for herself.
She propped her suitcase against the couch and studied the bare, white walls. One of the first things she needed was paint. She was Indian, and she needed color. She’d paint over the decorations before she left someday so she didn’t annoy the landlord, but the walls were depressing.
I have jobs starting the day after tomorrow. Time to get to work.
She took her bag to her bedroom, opening it to find the computer that Kade had given her on the very top. Tears sprang to her eyes, and she felt the enormous waves of loneliness that threatened to crush her.
Do this for him. Don’t let his kindness be for nothing.