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I hadto practically shove Knox out the door to avoid being late for practice. After all the words exchanged and decisions made this morning, it was exceptionally hard to pull away from him. But when he went running down the steps to his truck, sweatshirt half on half off and threw his black Sundevils hat on backward, I stood in the doorway, coffee in hand, smiling at his retreating back. It’s an image I’ll keep with me all morning while I look at flights before heading up to the main house to help Isla start the dinner prep.

I’m in the middle of comparing flights for another three weeks from now, or just canceling my flight altogether and booking a ticket whenever I’m ready, when my phone rings on the kitchen counter. Since Camila and Jonas are the only two people who dare call me, I contemplate sending it to voicemail, but by the third vibration, I’ve lost my concentration. I get up from the couch, jog over to the counter, and pick it up without even looking.

“Taylor!” the voice beams.

All the blood drains from my face.

“Mom?”

“Oh, are you going to pretend like you don't recognize my voice now?”

“It’s not hard to pretend when I haven’t heard from you in almost a year.”

“Always so dramatic,” she sighs.

“It’s not dramatic. It’s the truth.” I walk back to the couch and her voice is a whisper as she ignores me, talking to someone else.

“Taylor, I talked to you a few weeks ago, but if you want to give me a hard time, maybe I’ll think twice before calling again.” I don’t correct her because as petty as I am, I do feel—something—hearing her voice. It’s not a voice I miss, so good doesn’t seem like the appropriate word. “Anywho, I was home for a few days last week and talked to Mrs. Sanchez for a bit, she said you were in Ireland? I won’t even comment on how I have to learn your whereabouts from Elena.”Yes, way to not comment on it.“Taylor?”

“Yeah.”

“Well?”

“Well, what?”

“Jesus. Pay attention. What are you doing in Ireland?”

“I’m—I’m taking a vacation.”

“From what? Dog walking? Or did you finally choose a career path? Wait, wait, wait, don’t tell me. I’ll just call Elena and ask her.” She chuckles to herself like she’s sitting front row at a comedy show, and my hand tightens around my phone in a death grip. Caroline and Greg Nova have been traveling African Safari Wildlife Vets my entire life and have known this is what they would do since the ripe age of fifteen. I know this because they love to remind me at every opportunity of how unmotivated I am. I never bothered to correct them that it has nothing to do with motivation and everything to do with fear. Fear of planting myself in a position I won’t be enough for and everyone will see that and let me leave. Or worse, fear of committing to something I’minterested in only to get physically sick of it a few months later. But admitting that is a million times worse than letting them think I’m lazy, which they love to blame on my ADHD. Not that they’ve ever taken a moment to learn anything about me or how ADHD affects me, though—if they did they would understand I’m also not lazy, I just get so overwhelmed sometimes to the point that it paralyzes me.

“Taylor!”

“God. What?”

“You wonder why I don’t call you. The lion I surgically removed a nail from his paw this morning had more to say than you do.” I look down at my open laptop, and the countdown in red at the top warns me to make a decision. My opportunity to cancel my flight is ticking away. Along with my patience.

“No, Mother.” I stand aggressively up from the couch. “You don’t call because you’re a terrible parent. You left me at every opportunity possible, and when I wanted to come with you, you said I was better off staying home. What child is better off without their parents around? You’ve proven to me over and over again that on your list of priorities, I’m nowhere to be found. So no, you don’t get to call and complain about not knowing my whereabouts now.” I inhale a deep, shuddering breath, and she doesn’t take the time to say anything before I continue. “You want to know why Mrs. Sanchez knows more about me than you do? Because she actually checks in on me, like she has my entire fucking life. And by the way, it wasn’t a fewweeksago that you last called. It was thirty-fucking-seven! You know how I know? Because it was two weeksaftermy birthday. A birthday that you forgot about,again!” I pinch the bridge of my nose and wait. Wait for the regret to take over or wait for her outrage to come, but I’m met with silence.

I take another deep breath and sit back on the edge of the sofa. “I know I sound mad, Mom, but honestly, I don’t give a shit anymore. I used to.” I nod my head even though she can’t see me and I fight to keep my voice even. “I used to wonder why everyone else had parents who were home all the time. Or parents who threw them birthday parties, or hell, even a graduation party. I used to watch in jealousy while other kids had parents who moved them into their dorms or when I would see parents and their kids at the wharf on a family vacation. But not anymore. You didn’t care enough then, and I’m done caring now.” It might be the equivalent of a parent saying‘I’m not mad, I’m just disappointed’.But frankly, I wouldn’t know.

“Alright, Taylor.” Her cool voice hasn’t changed at all. Not a lick of surprise, sadness, understanding, or even anger. “I see I’ve caught you at a bad time, and I’ve got to get back now, but I’ll call you later and hopefully you’ll be feeling better.”

Unbelievable.I wasn’t expecting some giant epiphany from her or anything but goddamn, getting nothing from her is so much worse than any kind of fight.

“Don’t bother.” I hang up, tossing my phone onto the coffee table with a loudclank.When I look back at my computer, the time on the clock has run out.

Knox

It wasborderline impossible to pull myself away from Taylor this morning. I was running out the door half dressed after I just had her bent over the back of my couch and she was screaming for god to help her before I finally pinched her clit and let her finish.

I pull into the parking lot and make my way out onto the pitch, where Dax and Liam are already waiting for me. Liam is in a wide stance, folded over, stretching his hamstrings.

“Boys.” I dip my head in greeting.

“What’s the craic, Coach?” Nolan looks between me and my mates.

“I brought some backup to help out today, boys,” I say. Liam smiles a wicked smile beside me. “Practice match. Ronan, Nolan, you’re with me.”