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“So you got to play for a long time then.” It’s not a question. “Did that make it any easier? When you got injured, did you feel done?”

No. I tried to fight my coach and the nurse. I’m lucky I didn’t end up in a straight jacket after that day.

“I didn’t.” I run my hand over my jaw, considering how much I want to say before I land on the truth. “I was pissed when they told me I was done. I didn’t want to accept that it was the end for me. I knew it was the hardest hit I’d ever taken, that wasn’t a question. But, I was still so sure I would recover just like I had any other time.” My fingers tap along the steering wheel. “Accepting that I wasn’t going back was the hardest part.”

“Would you have come home if you hadn’t been injured?”

I was at the top of my game and coming back wasn’t even on my radar, but now that I’ve been back and I’ve allowed myself to remember how much I loved this place and these people. It’s almost difficult to imagine leaving them again. I’ve fallen back in with my mates and my family so easily, and wherever Taylor is seems like a pretty good place to stay.

“I’d like to say yes, but honestly, probably not.” She bites her cheek and nods. “I couldn’t stay in my flat any longer though. Every day was a reminder of what I’d lost. And then I came back here and couldn’t bring myself to leave my house. I was stewing, pissed off at the world.”

“If this is you mad at the world, I'd hate for you to seemeangry.”

I huff a laugh because Taylor is so easygoing and fun that it’s hard to imagine that could possibly set her off.

“Yeah,” I say, looking at her. “You got that pitbull in you, don’t you, baby?”

I turn my attention back to the road but I swear her cheeks turn a shade of watermelon pink.

“Anyway, I’m less angry now. I’ve accepted it—begrudgingly. My shoulder heals a bit more everyday, and now it’s just figuring out who I am without rugby. In so many ways, it feels like my identity has been taken away from me.”

“I can relate.” It’s barely more than a whisper, but I heard it all the same. I tilt my chin to her, encouraging her to continue. “I mean, I’ve obviously never been a professional athlete.” Her hand flits to me. “But I’ve also never found my thing.”

“Your thing?”

“Yeah, you know, everyone has something they want to do. Something they’re passionate

about. I don’t know what mythingis. What I could see myself doing long term.”

“What did you want to do when you were younger?”

Her lips twist to the side. “I wanted to be a dolphin trainer.”

I bite my bottom lip, determined to not laugh. “And what happened to that dream?”

“I didn’t take it with me past fourth grade, and also, fuck the tanks.” She spits out,

throwing up both of her middle fingers.

Unable to hold my laughter, I prod for more information. “Okay, so after fourth grade, what? Nothing caught your interest?”

“Different things here and there. I get excited easily over a new project or new job, and I’ll think, this is it. This is my new personality, but it just never… sticks.”

“Taylor Nova, do you have commitment issues?” I tease her.

“Ding ding ding.” She leans into me, waving an imaginary bell around. “It’s not my fault though. It’s the ADHD.”

“Maybe it’s just because you haven’t actually found the real thing you’re passionate about.”

“Right. But I can’t always tell when I get hooked on something if it’s going to last six weeks, six months, or six years. So instead, I just play it safe. I keep a bunch of different jobs so that I never have to be tied down to one, and if I end up hating one, I drop it and pick up something else.”

“Well, what kinds of things make you feel most accomplished?” She looks over at me with her eyebrows all bunched together. “Like for me, winning back-to-back Championships is when I felt the most proud. Those were the moments I knew all my hard work was worth it. I finally got to see the payoff. What makes you feel proud?”

“I don’t feel pride.”

I rear back because I’m certain she’s misunderstanding me. “When you finish something that you’ve spent a lot of time on, or when you reach a goal, you feel… what?”

“Relief.” My chest sinks at her words.