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I melt into his strong body. For one second, I let myself imagine what it would be like to have someone like Knox have my back like this, both physically and emotionally. I let myself imagine a world where someone wants to be with me and I’m not emotionally closed off, but instead, I’m open to it and thriving in it. A world where people want to stay. As quick as the moment comes, I shut it down even faster. Because as nice as it sounds, it’s not reality. People always leave. I’m aware of how cynical that sounds, but it’s the truth. I’ll never put myself in a position to rely on someone only for them to leave me.

I smile against the feel of him behind me. Not only his broad chest at my back and his powerful arms around my body, but the idea of him. It’s almost painful tasting this little piece of cake that I know I’m going to refuse myself. I thought I could just flirt with him, treat him like a vacation fling, but imagining a world where we could be something more wasn’t part of the plan. I need to pull back before I do something or feel something that I can’t come back from.

I turn in his hands and his eyes search mine. Questioning.

“Where’d you go just now?” he asks, brushing away a strand of hair from my face. I feel a thick layer of emotion mixing in my throat. It’s unbelievable how he’s reading me and I have to fight like hell not to close my eyes, admit defeat, and drop my head into his hand.

“I’ve got to get back,” I whisper. “I told Camila I’d call her and I want to check on your mom, I feel bad leaving the kitchen longer than I intended.”

The crease between his brows is deep and I want nothing more than to run my thumb over it, soothing the concern away, but I don’t.

I step back and his lips purse slightly, but he dips his chin. I want to tell him that it’s not him. I want him to know that this afternoon was perfect, and if I were anyone else, I would be throwing myself at him and the opportunity to spend more time with him. I open my mouth, but the only thing that could possibly be worse than saying nothing is saying, ‘It’s not you, it’s me,’ so I close my mouth and begrudgingly move past him.

He doesn’t make it easy. He keeps his eyes on me, like he’s waiting for me to change my mind. I don’t. Instead, I drag my body back to the house like I’m moving through cement and choke down the unfamiliar desire I have to stay with him.

Knox

“I heardhis bone went clean through his skin.”

“Of course it did. You don’t get a career-ending injury over a little bruise, eejet.”

I dip my head into the circle of boys, right between a set of red-headed twins. “I heard he hates when we’re supposed to be warming up, but we’re standing around gossiping.”

Four sets of wide eyes snap to me. Most with fear, the exception being one who’s letting his excitement control him rather than his brain.

He tucks the ball under his arm, stepping through the circle.

“Hey, Coach! I’m Nolan, Number 8. This is Oscar, inside center.” Oscar dips his head. “And Payton and Brody are second row,” he says, pointing to the red-headed twins. “Is it true that you can squat three hundred kilograms?”

“It’s true that if you don’t start taking a lap of the pitch and warming up, I’ll have you finish this session with burpees.”

“How many?” Nolan smirks.

“A burpee per second you’vewasted talking. So far, we’re at three minutes so… a hundred and eighty. Sound good?” The other three boys bolt out like track stars. Nolan continues to smile like he’s soaking something in but he drops his ball with a spin and takes off, running after his mates.

Liam

Did you give Coach a hard time?

Dax

His presence alone is difficult enough.

Liam

Coach must be a masochist to have had to ask KB.

Dax

Or desperate

Knox

Like either of you could do better? Out of the 3 of us, which one played professionally again?

Oh right. Me.

Liam