Page 26

I grunted. Guilt swarmed my stomach, the knots adding up with everything else going on in my body. I couldn’t process it, couldn’t stop to wonder why it was there in the first place. It would have to be a problem for future Jaime. Present Jaime just had to keep grinding down against Tony’s leg, to be driven by their most animalistic instincts—the ones that, right now, only cared about sex and the promise of their deepest fantasy getting them to that point where all the voices quieted.

Tony’s face was too close. Closer than I thought he’d be. My eyes locked on his. There were wrinkles around them he might not be aware of, and they had tiny speckles of color I hadn’t noticed before.

His breath mingled with mine. I leaned closer. I wasn’t thinking, I was just chasing more of the warmth that enveloped him. I wanted more of that fire in his eyes, that sternness. I needed to feel it crash all over me. It sounded dramatic, but I wasn’t sure I could function without it. I wasn’t sure I could reach that peak and come down without him holding everything I was.

My eyes prickled with tears as I rolled my hips harder against his thigh. Fuck. I hadn’t signed up for this. It hadn’t happened in a while—or in front of someone who wasn’t Cece. I could get stupidly deep in my head and myemotionswhen I was on the brink of an orgasm, and I didn’t always know how to handle it.

It was embarrassing as fuck.

I cleared my throat. Finding words was hard when I got into this particular headspace, but I couldn’t deal with the silence. I couldn’t expect Tony to figure out what was going on, either. Or not to assume I was a complete basket case.

“I’m so close” didn’t exactly convey what I wanted—or needed—but it was a start.

Tony squeezed the back of my neck in response. He let out a grunt of his own, too, one that traveled all the way down my spine and had me shivering for all the right reasons. “Yeah? You’re going to come all over my leg, pup?”

I squeezed my eyes shut. Everything was telling me to say yes. I wanted that. I craved it—marking him, pinning him down while I rode my orgasm.

“Need more.”

Something. Anything.

Words really were hard when every cell in my being was too focused on the promise of pleasure that came from every point of contact. From being anywhere near him, really. A part of me was still questioning that it was real and not some weird dream that had me in the same bed as my most secret crush. Maybe that was why my body requested more. More touch. More words. More roughness. More of anything that convinced it this was really happening.

“Do you need me to touch you?” I could’ve sworn he swallowed before asking the question, but I was more focused on the hand he’d already moved to my thigh, just an inch or two above my knee.

For a second, I froze. It should be fine—it was fine—but I’d somehow forgotten my skin was bare below my hips. It had been a no-brainer when I’d climbed on the bed, but the briefs proved an obstacle to coming as hard as I liked. The hand directly on my skin forced me to glance down, to watch it wrapped around my paler skin. I’d always felt self-conscious about my legs. They were too scrawny, even if I’d say I was in shape.

“Pup.” Tony lifted his hand off my leg. I debated if I felt relief or regret at the action. I gulped. He tilted my chin up with the hand he’d kept by my jaw. His eyes were stormier than usual, but just as solid. “Are you with me?”

Yeah, because this wasn’t embarrassing enough.

I should be grateful I managed to give him a nod without combusting. Or just simply fleeing the scene.

I didn’t want to flee, anyway. I just wanted him to do something about the pressure, and the heat, and the burn that was keeping me on the edge.

Edging was fun, but not like this—not when I hadn’t consented to it and there wasn’t a person in charge of the pacing.

“Yeah. Yeah.” I uttered the words when it became clear that nonverbal assent was not going to cut it. Which was a good thing—hot, too. I blinked before I could get lost again in thehotpart. “I don’t know why I’m getting so in my head.”

I knew and I didn’t, so it wasn’t the most honest I could’ve been, but it wasn’t a downright lie. The thought didn’t make me feel much better, but it had to count for something.

Tony frowned. His eyebrows looked thinner up close. Lighter. Was that a thing? I supposed it had to do with some optical illusion because of the bald head.

I bet it was soft.

Dammit.

Focus, Jaime.

“Do you want me to answer that for you?”

I narrowed my eyes. My gut said yes, to give in to him and let him have control. The reasonable part of my brain—yes, it existed—said to tread with caution. I pursed my lips as I weighed the options.

It didn’t take long. “You think you can?”

Self-preservation was not a feature my body came with, or one I could get through surgeries, hormones, or any other man-made way.

Science really should get on that. Not necessarily as a trans issue.