Page 99

Present Day
“Did you talk to him?” Arya gets in the passenger side of my car with me. I’ve been in here since Ender said he’d read my book—me and a bottle of Fireball I took, contemplating what the fuck I’m going to do next.
My mom shows up with Eddie and takes her inside. She’s sound asleep and thankfully slips inside without the notice of Ender. Who, by the way, isn’t here. He left. He’s good at it and I have no idea if he’s coming back. I’m not sure I care.
“I did.” I shrug, taking another shot. I notice the sun is rising now. “He read my book.”
“Whoa.” Arya reaches for the bottle. “Girl, I’m getting married in a few hours and you’re drunk.” She laughs. “What a disaster.” She slaps her hand to my leg. “But is him finding out you wrote a book a bad thing? Eddie wasn’t in it.”
“I don’t know. No.” I glance over at Arya. “How am I going to tell him about Eddie?”
“I don’t think you should.”
“What?”
“Let him see her and come to the realization on his own. He left, Hads. And made it pretty clear he didn’t want anything to do with anyone. Greer tried to find him, and even when he did, Ender wouldn’t even acknowledge him. It took my fucking dad tracking him down for my wedding before we saw his face. That to me…” She shakes her head. “He doesn’t deserve the conversation of hey, you have a beautiful, bratty, amazing little girl you never bothered to ask about.”
I smile at the bratty part.
“I’ve been a shitty friend today, haven’t I?” I get right in her face. “Tell me the truth.”
“Not any worse than me.” She pushes my whiskey-soaked, teary face away. “But I have a confession.”
My face pales. “What?”
“I told him about the book,” Arya says, cringing, and when my eyes widen, she rushes to add, “I’m sorry, but I thought if I told him, maybe he’d come here and you and him could talk.”
My chest tightens. I think I’m having a heart attack. “What do you mean you told him?”
“I mailed him a copy, with my wedding invitation. I think that’s why he came.”
Holy shit. My heart beat is in my temples again. I can’t be mad at her though. And I’m not. I’m angry at myself for reasons I don’t understand. “He hates me.” I cry, my forehead resting on the steering wheel.
“He has no right to,” Arya adds. “So you wrote a book about your experiences with him, Hads. It’shisfault for leaving.”
“But I wrote like detailed shit in there, Arya. Like…detailed!”
She gives me a look. Like, bitch, I know. “Yes, I know. I had to read about my brother coming on your stomach. Like, gross.”
I flop back against the seat. “I’m mortified.”
She rubs my shoulder. “I will say you portrayed me as a cool chick.”
I smile at her as she wipes my tears away with the sleeves of her hoodie. She’s getting married today and she smells like campfires and beer. “You are one.”
“Oh, I know.” Arya reaches for the bottle and takes it from my center console. “Now get your shit together. I’m getting hitched today.”
* * *
I do getmy shit together. I’m a mother. I’ve got this. Maybe not emotionally, but physically I put on a front, eventually get out of my car and take a shower.
Eddie wakes up, talks entirely too loud for me and makes me cook pancakes before I can sleep. “You know, we’re going to need to talk about your pancake obsession,” I tease as she attempts to stir the batter, most of it ending up on the counter.
“Why?” Eddie kicks her legs, knocking her heels into the cupboard doors like she’s playing the drums. “I likes them.”
I stare at her face and it’s still like looking at Ender. He’s going to take one look at her and know. She’s even wearing his damn cowboy hat. You remember when it fell off into the lake when we were having sex on the dock? Myles picked it up out of the lake, kept it, then gave it to Eddie for her fifth birthday. She rarely takes it off.
“I like pancakes more than anything in the world!”