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“No.” I hang my head. “He asked me why I wrote a book about us without asking him.”
Myles swallows, a soft smile on his lips. “He wants to.”
“Wants to what?”
“Apologize.”
I roll my eyes. “Says who?”
“Him, last night, when we were right here on this dock talking.” I remember seeing them last night when I had to pee in the bushes at one point.
“And you didn’t say anything about Eddie?”
“No.” He shakes his head immediately. “Surprisingly, nobody has yet. That’s a conversation between you two.” Myles sips his coffee in his hand I’m sure has alcohol in it. He is a James kid. “What would you do if he did? Apologize, that is.”
“Be a total girl and probably forgive him.” There’s no sense in lying to Myles. “But I have Eddie to think about now, so I don’t know what I’d do.”
Myles laughs. “Make him work for it a little, Hads.”
“I’m not sure what to do,” I finally tell him. “I’m sure he’s pissed at me too for writing the book, but when he finds out about Eddie...”
“He left. He doesn’t get to be mad at you over that. But give him some time to sort out what he’s going through.”
“What he’s going through? Fucker knocked me up and left me. Not the other way around.”
“He’s been through more than you know. And coming back here is a reminder of everything he tried to forget.” Myles sighs, staring out at the lake. “Do you want to be with him? I mean, you say you have Eddie to think about, so what about her? Will you let her know him?”
One would think that’s an easy question to answer, but it isn’t. I think hard. The answer is simple, but impossible to comprehend. “I don’t know. I want to be happy. I want him to be happy, and I want what’s best for Eddie.”
“You don’t need Ender to be happy.” I nod. He’s right. He knocks his knee into mine. “You know he never meant to hurt you. He… had his reasons for leaving. If he does come back to talk to you, hear him out. You may not like what he has to say, but hear him out.”
I search his blue eyes and he winks. I sigh. “Did he put you up to this?”
“No.” Myles chuckles. “He’d probably beat my ass if he knew I was here with you, but who knows where he is. He showed up drunk, rambling about your book.” He side-eyes me with a smile. “Told me some shit about him fucking up. Then he left. I’m wondering if he’s even coming back for the wedding.” Myles shrugs, glancing over his shoulder at the house. “Arya will kill him if he misses it.”
“He’s not coming back,” I deduce.
“Ender was a dick, Hadleigh, but he did love you. Even from the start.”
“How do you know that?” It’s difficult talking to Myles like this. He’s still a kid to me, but suddenly he has facial hair and looks like Ender and has insight I don’t. I want to tackle him and interrogate him until he tells me everything he knows.
“It was pretty obvious.” His heartfelt smile melts me a little. “Even now. He saw you on the porch yesterday and he was a fucking mess the rest of the night. We went up the road for beer and his hands were shaking the entire time,” Myles tells me, finding a smile. “He loved you…loves you,” he corrects. “But he doesn’t know how to show love or say it. He never has. We weren’t exactly taught how to,” he adds, and my heart aches for him.
They weren’t taught how to love, and I know Theo is a big factor in why Ender left that night, but I don’t know how much of it had to do with me.
41
WHEN ARYA GOT HITCHED
I’ve drank an entire fifth of Fireball since I arrived at the lake house. Pathetic. I’m going to have alcohol poisoning soon and thankfully my mom is keeping tabs on Eddie, who we are keeping over at my aunt’s house in fear Ender will see her. I know, I know. It’s wrong to keep her from him but is it really? With all the alcohol stirring in my veins, I’m ready to start a fucking brawl. Give me someone—Walker is on the top of the list—to punch and I’m going to lay that motherfucker out. Theo’s up there high on the list too.
Why Walker you ask? Because. He’s fucking Walker and always instigating shit. He told Arya she looks fat in her wedding dress and I’m not having it. And you’re not going to believe who he’s here with.
I’ll give you a second to think back.
Oh, even better. I’ll give you a hint.“Says the cunt who fucked my cousin the other night.”
Do you have your answer now?