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The waitress leads us to the outside tables on the covered patio. The humidity of night’s still suffocating but there’s a nice breeze in the air. I sit at the table and Ender’s sits in the chair across from me, smiling. “Hope this is okay.”
“It’s great. I don’t go out much without Eddie.”
Drawing in a breath, he’s looks like he’s going to say something when the waitress approaches and takes our drink orders. Ender orders a beer, and for the first time in a while, I order one too.
“Where are you living now?”
He lifts his beer to his lips and smirks at it. Eddie’s been around him all of a day and now he’s thinking about her every time he drinks a beer I bet. “I’m living down in Mobile at the moment, working. Haven’t been there long. What about you?”
“I moved back to Savannah after graduation with Eddie and my mom. I bought a house there after I got a book contract. I wanted to raise Eddie where I grew up.”
My words get me a small smile, but it doesn’t touch his eyes. He swallows. “I’d like to see her. If that’s okay. Maybe come visit after I tie up some loose ends in Mobile.”
“Are you seeing anyone?” I blurt.
He laughs, tilting his head to the side, like he can’t believe I asked that. “Why would you ask that after the barn?”
“I don’t know. I was always afraid to ask you where I stood in your life. And now I’m not. So if you’re with anyone, I need to know. I’ll let you see Eddie, but I’m not going to wonder where I stand. I can’t do that anymore.”
“I haven’t been with anyone in three years.”
Holy crap. I wasn’t expecting that. “Why?”
He shrugs. “It only made it worse for me.”
Why does that make my heart happy?“What do you mean?”
He looks up at the waitress when she delivers my salad and Ender’s shrimp tacos. Clearing his throat, he draws in a deep breath as she leaves us alone. “Sex only made me think of you more.”
“I know what you mean.” My hands shake. It’s hard to hear any of this. I don’t want to imagine him with anyone else. “I tried to have sex with Carter, but you’re all I kept thinking about.”
He sits back, rolling his eyes. “I’m glad you didn’t.”
“So you’re not seeing anyone. You’re working in Mobile… doing what?”
“Tile work.”
“Do you have a house?”
“An apartment,” he answers evenly, but there’s amusement in his eyes. “This feels like an interrogation.”
“It is. If you’re going to be in our lives, I need to knoweverything.”
“Then ask away, but I have a question for you.”
“Okay.” I push my fork around in my salad. “Ask.”
His eyes lift to the waitress who’s staring at us. He doesn’t ask.
The rest of dinner, we make small talk. I tell him about Eddie, and he’s enthralled with every story I have, like he’s dying to know more about our daughter. I can’t blame him. I’d want to know everything and he’s missed so much.
“What was your question?” I finally ask when we’re done eating.
His face gives nothing away. “Do you still love me?”
My stomach knots but there’s no hesitation to my reply. “I never stopped. But Ender, I don’t know what to do. I don’t want to rush into this, and every time I look at you, I want to fall head over heels again. I am falling. And it scares me because it’s not about me anymore.”
He closes his eyes. “I know what you mean.”