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“You don’t know that.” For a moment, he looks away. When he stares back, I can see the resolve in his expression and my heart sinks. “You awaken the darkness inside me,” he says. “I can’t risk it. I won’t risk you.”

Fuckity, fuckity, crap, crap.

Pull yourself together,I tell myself.Act with a little dignity.

But I don’t want to be dignified. I want to be shagged.

I guess that’s not happening anytime soon.

I press my lips together, then I get a grip. I straighten my shoulders. “Right. Then I’ll be off.” I glare at him. “And no I do not want your company right now. If you must do the creepy stalker thing, do it from a distance.”

And I whirl around and stomp away.

Chapter 30

A Really Unexpected Proposal

Iwant to be alone.

I know—I’m being melodramatic but I can’t face people right now. All the way back, I sense his presence. But he’s keeping his distance as requested. Or maybe he’s scared to come close. Maybe he thinks I might jump him.

Voices drift out of the kitchen as I pass. They’re gathered for the evening meal. I hesitate, because I’m hungry, but in the end, my need to be alone overcomes my need for food. I must be in a bad way. Instead, I duck off into the stairwell that leads to the Mirador where Hecate took me that first morning. Hopefully my shadow will presume I’ll head to the kitchen—he knows how much I like to eat.

I climb and climb, round and round, until my leg muscles are burning. Finally, I reach the door at the top and step outside. The sun has almost set, and the sky is a beautiful deep purple shading to rose pink on the far horizon.

I sink down to the stone floor and lean my back against the wall.

I feel drained. And tired and hungry. And lonely. So alone.

I get that Khaosti is scared. And in a way, we’re the same. We’re both terrified of the darkness inside us. I mean—just how dark is it in there? We’re frightened that we’re not the people we want to be. That if we open up to anyone else, or even to ourselves, we’ll find out that we are evil. That we are mirrors of our fathers.

But mirrors lie.

Why is life so hard?

The fact is I need something for myself. I need someone. And unfortunately—because it would be so much easier if I’d fallen in love with anyone else—that someone is Khaosti. I’m in love with Khaos.

All my life—well apart from the three years when I forgot—I’ve known my “destiny.” My life has never been my own because I’m fucking special and I’m going to save the world and…

But I’m still really just a nineteen-year-old girl, and I have needs and wants other than fulfilling my goddamned destiny. Truthfully, I suspect I’m not the self-sacrificing type. I’ve just been brainwashed into thinking I am. Manipulated. Maybe I should run away and join a circus or something. Find a nice simple guy with a big cock and no hangups and have fun until the world burns.

I’m lost in this wonderful fantasy when a figure steps out of the doorway and into the night. He’s as tall as Khaosti, but he’s broader at the shoulder and dressed in leather pants tucked intolong black boots. He has a sword scabbard over his shoulder and a knife at his waist. Thanouq.

While I’m guessing he has a big cock, I suspect he also has a shitload of hang-ups. So sadly, he’s not the answer to my dreams.

He stops in front of me and stares down. His dark blue eyes are beautiful in the moonlight. A beard covers the lower half of his face, tawny in color to match his tawny hair. He’s astonishingly handsome under all that hair. I sigh.

He holds out a bottle. “I saw you sneak up here,” he says. “I thought you might need a drink.”

“My hero.” I seriously like the idea of numbing my mind right now. I pat the ground beside me. “Would you like to join me?”

He unbuckles his scabbard and props his sword against the wall and then lowers himself to the floor beside me. His long legs stretch out in front of him, about a foot longer than mine. He pulls the cork from the bottle and hands it to me. I take a deep swallow. Brandy. Warmth fills my empty stomach. Reluctantly, I hand the bottle back while my mind whispersmine. Sadly, it’s referring to the brandy, not Thanouq.

He kissed me once. There had been brandy involved then, too. I’d let him because I’d wanted to know if his kiss affected me. I’d hoped that Khaosti wasn’t the only one who could make my heart beat faster. Sadly, there’d been nothing. Which might have had something to do with the bottle of brandy I’d just finished back then. He’d pulled back and said, and I’m quoting here: “You’re drunk. When I kiss you properly, I want you to know exactly who is doing the kissing. I don’t want to be a distraction or a substitute for anyone else.”

If he thinks this is the moment to try again, then he’s going to be disappointed because I plan on being very drunk again, very quickly. It’s just been that sort of day. I grab the bottle and take a big gulp. I can already feel the lovely buzz in my head.

“Do you want to talk about it?” he says.