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Hecate turns to me and raises a supercilious eyebrow. “A thing?”

I waggle my eyebrows. She just shakes her head.

“He’s been giving you these hot, heavy looks over his porridge. And you’ve been returning them. Plus, your lips are swollen and if I’m not mistaken, that’s stubble rash on your neck.”

Her lips twitch. “Quite the little detective, aren’t you?”

“It’s not as though there’s any TV to watch here. I have to keep myself entertained somehow. And I didn’t need to be that much of a detective—you didn’t get home until 3 am last night.” I purse my lips. “I hope you’re being sensible. And I hope you’re not going to break his heart.”

“It’s just sex.”

I give an exaggerated sigh. “Ah, young love.”

She snorts and turns back to her porridge.

Across the table, Zayne and Winter have their heads close together, no doubt whispering sweet nothings. I’m not sure how I feel about it. It’s not jealousy—honest—I’ve never felt that way about Zayne. But I do love him as a brother and that makes me feel protective about him. And I just don’t know if Winter is right for him. She’s very…closed off. I still don’t feel like I know her at all. But maybe she opens up with Zayne.

I sigh. I’m lonely. I’m surrounded by people, but I feel so alone. It’s not a physical thing—I actually have very little time to myself. Last night Josh crawled into my bed and spent the night. At first when I’d heard the creak of my door, I’d thought maybe Khaosti had decided to…

I look straight across the table and our gazes lock. As usual Khaosti is watching me, but not in any soppy, “I love you” sort of way. Not even in an I want to “jump your bones” sort of way. Or a “creepy stalkerish” way. Just a “you’re my responsibility” sort of thing. It pisses me off.

I presumed that we’d resume our relationship once things settled down. I’d actually really—and I mean really, really—looked forward to exploring the whole sex thing with Khaosti.Our one time together had been mind-blowing, and I would really like to have my mind blown again.

I rest my head on my hand, stick out my lower lip and glare at him. I don’t even know where Khaosti is sleeping now. He left the medical center that first day. Wherever he’s sleeping, it must be close to our rooms, because he always appears—as if by magic—if I step outside. Maybe Fury is sleeping on the floor outside, guarding the door.

I heave a huge sigh, and Hecate turns to me with a frown. “What’s wrong with you today?”

I could make a long list. Sex-starved, frustrated, scared, no closer to getting my magic to do anything even vaguely useful, frustrated, angry, more scared…

“Nothing,” I say. “So, what’s on the books for today, more looking inside myself. Because I’ve got to say, the view in there is getting really fucking boring.”

“Well, you know the answer to that. Change the view.”

“Yeah, yeah.” Since that first crack appeared and disappeared, I’ve gotten nowhere. I know—it’s my fear that holds me back. This is like the last barrier to actually knowing who and what I am. Good or evil. Or just somewhere in the middle.

I bang my head on the table. A few times.

Grrr.

I hate being a coward.

I glance up to find everyone watching me. “What?” I growl.

No one says anything. I think they’re getting used to me being a grumpy bitch. Which is sad.

Winter gets up and with a last, lingering smile at Zayne, she leaves the room. I wonder what she does all day.

Zayne and Thanouq rise up at the same time, like synchronized dancers. Christ, they could be connected at the hip. Zayne’s got a new hero, and he copies everything Thanouq does. It would be cute if it wasn’t so irritating.

Thanouq sends Khaos a pointed glance. Thanouq thinks Khaosti should be training with them. After all, he was the commander of his father’s armies for a number of years so I suppose he knows what he’s doing and could be of some use. But so far, he’s ignored Thanouq’s comments. He’s got more important things to do—like shadowing me. Tempting me with his oh-so-sexy presence and then looking almost terrified if I actually get too close.

Zayne and Thanouq disappear without a word, off to play soldiers, though it’s not actually play. Therion tramps out behind them with a final longing glance at Hecate. I suspect it’s more than sex for Therion—he’s going to get his heart broken. Josh grabs an apple from the table and heads off with Erik, and suddenly I wish I could head to the stables and just spend some time with Stella.

Why not?

I jump up. “I’ll be right back,” I call to Hecate and hurry out after Josh.

When I get to the stables, Josh is standing in front of Stella’s stall, holding out a half-eaten apple like it’s a peace offering. Or a bribe. Stella is fully recovered now and looks relaxed and content. She nickers when she sees me.