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Ben uses one foot to scoot the growling King out of the reach of my tail. Or so he thinks.

“If you damage him, Bees will want to heal him. Do you want to wake her? She’s so tired and in pain.” He asks, oh-so-calm.

Oh, I get it now! He’s not siding with the bad guy. He’s protecting my wifey! Damn, that’s a good dog. I’m adding treats to the list when I go out. He’s going to be the most spoiled dog ever!

“We’re just going to pretend this didn’t happen,” he smirks back over his shoulder at King’s struggle to sit up. He’s caught his breath but isn’t very mobile as a stick figure. What a wuss. His face is drenched in blood from his broken nose. Is he missing teeth? That’s so exciting! If I find them, I can gift them to sugartits!

He opens his mouth to spew vitriol, but Ben interrupts him, “His wifey is sleeping. Do. Not. Wake. Her.”

He doesn’t have to emphasize it so much. King speaks English. He’ll get it. And if he doesn’t, we can just beat it into him a little more.

King’s brow furrows as his eyes flick between me and the doggo.

“Let’s all just get some sleep and make a plan in the morning,” Ben continues, speaking so slowly I’m having trouble understanding him.

“How come they get to stay the night,” is my voice losing taste now?

Ben sighs and glances at me over his shoulder, “They have no place to go currently. They have until dawn to figure it out. Bees may be sympathetic, but I’m sure I could convince her that you’re all evil without muchmore than a whisper in her ear. And then I get an early breakfast.”

After that threat, he heads towards the hall where Mitri and Bae disappeared earlier. “The hall on that side has three bedrooms. Enjoy your stay.”

“Psycho,” King holds his arms up and shakes his hands.

That’s not my name. Sugartits gave me a name, and that isn’t it. Fuck this guy, he doesn’t know me.

Oh yeah! That’s why I’m going out! Field trip!

I walk out the front door as King hisses curses behind me, gently closing the door.

The faeries are real out here. They’reeverywhere. Do you think that little twig is safe on the ground? Nu-uh.BAM, there’s a faery. They look antsy as they watch me open the fence and step out. I’m sure they’re confused because Mitri didn’t tell them he ‘convinced’ the Hag to give access to the ward to us. Their faces when he hauled us all inside were priceless. I’ve never missed my laughter more.

I make my way to Mitri’s car. The idiots followed us to the doggo’s house like we were all besties. Then, oops, there’s Mitri. I haven’t given him the full account of what happened while he was dead, but he’s got good instincts for blame-laying.

I’m going to one-up his gift-giving if it kills me.

Once behind the wheel, I take a second to remember how to drive. Once it comes back, I notice that the spell charge is at a quarter of a tank. Guess I shouldn’t waste any ‘gas’ then. I pull my phone out and look up the address I need.

People are so stupid they have everything available on social media. It only takes a few Featurebook scrolls to find what I’m looking for. And to like a few memes and post the picture of Mal’s indignant face. Then it’s to the interspells and gaggle to look up a few thingsand then come up with an address, phone number, and how much they make a year? Wow, that’s big bucks.

I set the phone on the dash with the maps open, so I don’t have to figure out directions and head out.

I take the long way just to hear the map’s foreign voice say, ‘recasting’ over and over, hitting potholes at high speed to shake the undercarriage and flashing the lights on and off. I reach my destination and circle around it about fifty times before the spell juice runs out, and the vehicle stalls. Oops.

Then, I remove the engine's sparker and cut a few wires and tubes that leave neon fluid everywhere. My bad.

Guess Hubby #2 will think twice about keeping me out of my wifey’s room. I know that’s why he went in there, to watch over her. I can watch over her too, you know. The dog may want to placate sugartits, but Mitri will shoot first and ask questions never.

Maybe him being there with the dog is allowing me to go on my field trip, so I guess this punishment is a little harsh. Oh well. No regrets.

I walk right through the flimsy ward, feeling it shatter into pieces around me. Stupid Others and their crappy protection. Don’t they know interdimensional beings are superior by now? Or are we still a hush-hush secret? Even Mitri doesn’t know about this little trick. Whatever, their loss, my gain.

There aren’t any guards on duty here. Who does that? I mean, I don’t have guards, but I’m awesome. This chick is definitely not awesome. I don’t even need to meet her to know.

Featurebook shows a million sins in the form of quack face selfies and political rants. You think you know a person, and then their messy custody battle is right there. People need to go on field trips more.

The windows are unlocked.

I sigh. I thought this would be more fun. It's at least worth a few giggles, even if I can’t laugh. I could have saved this memory for later when the funnies came back. Now, it’s just another boring thing.