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“This is what you’ll feel like if we run into trouble right now.” His tone is decisive and angry. “And that’s if you’re lucky.”

I suck in a breath, and a sob rips its way out of me. I know distantly that I’m being irrational, but I can’t stop it. Everything in me is freaking out that Mitri’s gone, and I can’t check in with him. It doesn’t matter that he’s immortal, emotionless, or a killer. He’s… mine. I can’t even feel Vendetta or Peacemaker.

Did I drop Vendetta when I died? I don’t remember. Is he on a cold floor waiting for Mitri to pick him up again?

Mitri was wearing a collar, a nullifier. What if he can’t come back unless it’s removed? There are too many questions and what-ifs.

The sobs are choking me just as badly as the panic attack, and I begin to struggle again wildly, forcing Ben to clamp my arms to my sides as he holds on.

“Let me go!” I scream, trying to pull my face away from his neck, but his hand is pressing to the base of my skull, keeping me still.

I don’t know how long he stands there while I scream myself hoarse and kick at his shins. He never wavers.

When my strength finally runs out, all the damage I inflicted on myself slams into me, taking my weak knees out until Ben is the only thing holding me up.

“Baby,” he chokes out. “Please, take a deep breath for me.”

I ignore him and continue crying, silent now that my voice has given out. If I had my powers, I would put Ben to sleep and just walk out right now.

I’m soangrywith him. I’m angry with my weakness and the fact that I’m, once again, bawling my eyes out. When did I get to be such an emotional mess?

Ben gently sets me down on the floor, and I sit there, crying big, fat, useless tears, while he steps past me and starts the shower. I’m so exhausted I can’t even force myself to try and crawl away.

“Come on, the shower will help,” he reaches out for me, and I turn my face away.

He stands up straight and makes a growling chuff sound before he walks out. I guess he’s done with this temper tantrum. Good, let him stay gone.

Even thinking that makes me cry harder, fighting to not call him back.

I’m not a child. I shouldn’t be acting like one. I’m on a fast track to losing my only friend if I don’t shape up. Is that what I want? No, I don’t. Because as much as I consider Mitri mine, Ben is in the same boat whether he likes it or not.

A shadow falls over me from the doorway, and I don’t pick up my head as I whisper, “I’m sorry, Ben. I don’t know what’s wrong with me.”

“You’re tired, insane, and weak,” a sultry feminine voice replies. “In pain and with a broken matebond. I would say being coherent is the best you could do for now.”

I look up into Scilla’s narrowed golden eyes and wince.

Out of the frying pan and into the fire.

10. Ballroom Blitz

Ben

I hear her whispered apology before Mom takes over for me. I guess I can pat myself on the back for bringing Bees to Mom’s house instead of our own.

Pardon me for not being well-versed in treating a broken bond. Reinforcements were absolutely necessary. I'll tear the house apart if I listen to her cry for much longer.

I listen as Mom bullies her into getting in the shower and pull on a pair of combat boots, pausing briefly as she offers to take my mate’s clothes off for her. What the fuck, Mom?

But she soon reappears in the doorway with a smug smirk, and the door slams shut behind her.

Today, she has shifted into a matron’s figure, shorter than me, with blond hair curled and pinned back in the old 50s look that I love. Her figure is more rounded in the belly and chest than I’m used to and covered in a frilly apron, a poofed skirt barely showing underneath. A part of me understands that this is not her actual form. I’ve never seen it and probably never will, but I take comfort in her presence.

“Going somewhere, pet?” she asks in a sweet motherly voice.

“She wants her bonded back,” I reply and rub a hand over my face.

I can’t bring him back here. Mom would have a field day with whatever trauma the ancient has stored inside. Maybe I can just check in and come back with good news?