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“I will puke on you, I swear!”

The guy starts crying and begging me to stop.I debate for a minute, then lighten up the cramps a little.If he tries anything, it’s a whole-body lockdown.

The five other occupants of the house come tumbling out one after another and freeze in open-mouthed shock at the sight of us both.

He’s still sniffling and jerks his head back towards them, “Stop the lawn hexes.”

They look at each other in surprise.The world suddenly stops tilting, and the gnomes fall over, lifeless.

“Your service,” I try and pace my breathing to keep myself from getting sick everywhere.

“Nowme!” He squeals as he struggles against his own body for release.

I drop the line from my shaking hand.The spark begins bouncing over the gnomes, grass, and cobblestones, just having a great time out there.Good for it.

The guy lies back on the stones and whines pitifully.

“Who has murder gnomes as the welcome party to a house?” I snipe at him.

“Daddy?” a young voice asks softly.

Oh, no.Please, just no.

I look past the prone body and see one elderly male, two middle-aged men, and two children.

You never feel like a monster until a child witnesses you being an asshole. I feel smaller than the garden gnomes now.

“Shit,” I mutter and try to be stealthy about putting the dagger away.Afterwards, I begin to rub at the myriad punctures on my arms.They’re beginning to itch.Probably not a good sign.

“Are those your kids?” I ask quietly as I watch him catch his breath.

“Stay away from them.” His upper half jerks up, and he snarls in my face.He certainly revived fast.

“Dude, they’rekids,” I hiss at him.“Just pretend we were playing around or something.”

“What?” He gasps incredulously.

“Your dad’s okay, you guys!” I call out and lean around him to see the five-year-old holding one of the middle-aged man’s hands.“Sometimes you just have to yell it out, you know?”

They all stare at me like I’m insane.I feel a little like Kimi right now, so it’s fair.Not a comparison I ever want to make again, though.

“They’re scared,” I widen my eyes at him and force a massive smile to my lips.The effect must be unsettling because he jerks back with a disgusted look.“Do something!”

“I-I’m okay, kids,” he calls back hesitantly.

“Grant,” the elderly male calls grimly.“What’s going on?”

“I don’t know,” the guy, Grant, calls back with confusion evident in his voice.

“Do you want me to activate the army?” The older child calls out.

I narrow my eyes at Grant, and the smile drops.“Don’t you dare.”

His green eyes narrow right back at me, and he smiles menacingly.

“Stop it!” I hiss so the kids won’t hear me.“We called a cease-fire here.Consider the white flag raised all right?I have better things to do today than die via gnome army.”

His smile drops into a frown of confusion.“You came here expecting trouble, and you got it.”