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The realization that I don’t know Hardin at all hits me, and I have to swallow the bile rising in my throat. I scoot away from him instinctively, and I see pain flair up in his eyes.
“I don’t know . . . I just didn’t care. It was fun to me . . . Well, not exactly fun, but I didn’t care.” His honesty slices through me, and for once I long for the days when he kept everything from me.
“So what happened with Natalie?” My voice is coarse as I wipe the tears from my eyes.
“When James saw the video of her . . . He wanted to fuck her himself. And when she turned him down, he showed everyone the video.”
“Oh my God. That poor girl.” I feel so terrible for what they did to her, what Hardin did to her.
“The video spread so quickly that her parents found out before even a day had passed. Her family was really big in their church community . . . so the news didn’t go well. They kicked her out of their house, and when word got around, she lost her scholarship to the private university she was going to that fall.”
“You ruined her,” I say quietly.
Hardin ruined this girl’s life, the way he once threatened to ruin mine. Will I end up like her? Am I already just like her?
I look at him. “You said you’d never been with a virgin before.”
“She wasn’t a virgin. She had slept with one guy already. But that’s why my mum sent me here. Everyone back home knew about it. I wasn’t in the video. Well, I was fucking her in it, but I wasn’t visible; only a few of the tattoos on my arms were.” He grinds one fist into the palm of his other hand. “That’s sort of what I’m known for there now . . .”
My head is spinning. “What did she say when she found out what you did?”
“She said she fell in love with me . . . and she asked if she could stay at my house until she found somewhere else to go.”
“Did you let her?”
He shakes his head.
“Why?”
“Because I didn’t want to. I didn’t care for her.”
“How can you be so cold about this? Do you not understand what you did to her? You led her on. You had sex with her and taped it. You showed your friends—and basically the school—and she lost her scholarship and family because of you! Then you don’t even have the compassion to help her when she had nowhere else to go?” I shout and stand up. “Where is she now? What happened to her?”
“I don’t know. I didn’t care to find out.”
The most chilling part of this whole thing is how casual and cold he is about it. This is nauseating. I see the pattern here, I see the similarities between Natalie and me. I was left with nowhere to go because of Hardin, too. I have no relationship with my mother because of Hardin. I fell for him while he was using me as part of some sick game.
Hardin stands up with me but keeps few feet of space between us.
“Oh my God . . .” My entire body begins to shake. “You recorded me—didn’t you?”
“No! Fuck no! I would never do that to you! Tessa, I swear to God I did not.”
I shouldn’t, but part of me does believe that part, at least. “How many others?” I ask.
“How many others what?”
“Did you record?”
“Just Natalie . . . until I came here.”
“You did it again! After everything you did to that poor girl, you did it again?” I scream.
“Once . . . to Dan’s sister,” he says.
Dan’s sister? “Your friend Dan?” It makes sense now. “That’s what Jace meant when you were fighting!” I had forgotten all about Dan and Hardin’s fight, but Jace had hinted about some previous tension between the two of them.
“Why did you do that if he was your friend? Did you show everyone?”
“No, I didn’t show anyone. I deleted it after I sent Dan a screen grab . . . I don’t know why I did it, really. He was such a dick about telling me to stay away from her when he brought her around the first time that it made me want to fuck her just to piss him off. He’s a true asshole anyway, Tessa.”
“How do you not see how fucked up this is! How fucked up you are?” I yell.
“I know it is! I know that, Tessa!”
“I thought my bet was the worst thing you had done . . . but, oh my God, this is even worse.”
Natalie’s story doesn’t hurt me nearly as bad as finding out about Hardin and Zed’s bet, but it’s worse by being more vile and revolting, and it makes me question everything I thought I knew about Hardin. I knew he wasn’t perfect—far from it—but this is a whole new level of disgrace.
“This was all before you, Tessa—this is my past. Please let it stay that way,” he pleads. “I’m not the same person now—you’ve made me a better person.”
“Hardin, you don’t even care about what you did to those girls! You don’t even feel guilty, do you?”
“I do.”
I cock my head and squint at him. “Only because now I know.” When he doesn’t argue, I reiterate my point. “You didn’t care about them, about anyone!”
“You’re right! I don’t care—I honestly don’t give a shit about anyone, except you!” he shouts back.
“This is too much, Hardin! Even for me . . . the bet, the apartment, the fights, the lies, getting back together, my mother, your mother, Christmas—it’s too fucking much. I don’t even get a breath between these . . . these messes. As soon as I get over one thing, another comes out. God knows what else you’ve done!” I start crying. “I don’t know you at all, do I?”