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“We’re going to go into the room for a little while,” I announce, and my mum nods. I know it’s driving her crazy not being able to talk, but I won’t have her making Tessa feel any worse by prying.
As we go, I pause at the thermostat in the hallway to turn the heat up, since I know she’s freezing. When I step into the room, Tessa’s already sitting on the edge of the bed. Unsure of how close I’m allowed to get, I wait for her to say something.
“Hardin?” she says in a weak voice. The hoarse tone of her voice tells me she had been crying the whole drive, and it makes me feel worse for her.
I go stand in front of her and she surprises me again by grabbing hold of my T-shirt and pulling me to stand between her legs. This is more than her mum saying some rude shit.
“Tess . . . what did she do?” I ask as she starts crying again, smearing her makeup on the bottom of my white shirt. I could give a shit about the mess; if anything, it will give me a reminder of her when she leaves again.
“My dad . . .” she croaks, and I go rigid.
“Your dad?” If he was there . . . “Tessa, was he there? Did he do something to you?” I ask her through my teeth.
She shakes her head no, and I reach down to lift her chin up, forcing her to look at me. She’s never quiet, even when upset. That’s usually when she’s the most vocal.
“He moved back here—but I didn’t even know he left. I mean, I guess I did, but I never thought about it. I never thought about him.”
My voice is not as calm as I mean for it to be when I ask, “Did you talk to him today?”
“No; she did, though. She said he isn’t going to come near me, but I don’t want her making that choice for me.”
“You want to see him?” All of the things she has told me about this man have been negative. He was violent, often smacking her mum around in front of her. Why would she want to see him?
“No . . . well, I don’t know. But I want to be the one to decide.” She dabs at her eyes with the back of her hand. “Not that he would even want to see me . . .”
The instinct to hunt this man down and make sure he doesn’t come near her takes over, and I have to talk myself down before I do something stupid and brash.
“I can’t help but think, what if he’s like your dad?”
“What do you mean?”
“What if he’s different now? What if he doesn’t drink anymore?” The hope in her voice breaks my heart . . . well, what’s left of it.
“I don’t know . . . that usually doesn’t happen,” I tell her honestly. I see the way her mouth turns down at the ends, so I continue: “But it could. Maybe he’s different now . . .” I don’t believe it, but who am I to extinguish her hope? “I didn’t know you had any interest in him.”
“I don’t . . . well, I didn’t. I’m just angry because my mother kept it from me . . .” she says, and then, between bouts of wiping her nose and face against my shirt, she tells me the rest of what happened. Tessa’s mother is the only woman who would reveal the return of her alcoholic ex-husband and then promptly mention going shopping. I keep my mouth shut about Noah being there even though it pisses me off. That kid just won’t seem to go away.
Finally she looks up at me, a bit calmer. She seems much better than she was when she ran to me in the parking lot, and I would like to think that’s because she’s here with me. “It’s okay that I’m here, right?” she asks.
“Yeah . . . of course. You can stay as long as you need to. It is your apartment, after all.”
I try to smile, and surprisingly she returns the gesture before wiping her nose on my shirt again. “I should have a dorm room next week.”
I nod; if I speak, I’ll end up pathetically begging her not to leave me again.
Chapter twenty-nine
TESSA
I walk to the bathroom to remove the makeup from my face and pull myself together. The warm water washes away all evidence of my eventful morning, and I’m actually glad to be back here. Despite everything that Hardin and I have been through, I’m glad to know that I still have a safe place to land with him. He is the only constant in my life; I remember him saying that to me once. I wonder if he meant it then.
Even if he didn’t, I believe that he feels that way now. I just wish he would tell me more about how he feels. Seeing him break down yesterday was the most emotion that I’ve seen out of him since we met. I just want to hear the words behind the tears.
I go back into the bedroom to find Hardin setting my bags down on the floor. “I went down and got your stuff,” he informs me.
“Thank you, I really hope I’m not intruding,” I tell him and bend down to grab some sweats and a T-shirt. I have to get out of this dress.
“I want you here, you know that, don’t you?” he says quietly. I shrug and he frowns. “You should know that by now, Tess.”
“I do . . . it’s just that your mother is here, and here I am bringing all this drama and crying,” I explain.
“My mum is glad that you’re here, and so am I.”
My chest swells, but I change the subject. “Do you guys have anything planned today?”
“I think she wanted to go to the mall or something, but we can go tomorrow.”
“You can go, I can keep myself entertained.” I don’t want him to cancel plans with his mother when he hasn’t seen her in over a year.
“No, it’s fine, really. You don’t need to be alone.”