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Chapter eight
TESSA
I can’t believe you’re staying at a motel.” He runs his hand over his hair.
“Yeah . . . neither can I.”
“You can stay at the apartment, I’ll stay back at the frat house or something.”
“No.” Not happening.
“Please don’t be difficult.” He rubs his hand across his forehead.
“Difficult? You aren’t serious! I shouldn’t even be talking to you right now!”
“Would you just calm down? Now, what’s wrong with your car? And why was that guy staying at the motel?”
“I don’t know what’s wrong with my car.” I groan. I’m not answering him about Trevor, it’s none of his business.
“I’ll take a look at it.”
“No, I’ll call someone. Just go.”
“I’ll follow you to the motel.” He nods toward the road.
“Would you just stop?” I growl and Hardin rolls his eyes. “Is this some sort of game to you, to see just how far you can push me?”
He takes a step back as if I pushed him. Trevor’s car is still here, waiting for me.
“No, that’s not what I’m doing. How could you even think that after everything I’ve done?”
“Exactly, I do think that because of everything you’ve done,” I say, almost laughing at his choice of words.
“I just want you to talk to me. I know we can work this out,” he tells me. He’s played so many games with me since the beginning that I can’t tell what’s real.
“I know you miss me, too,” Hardin says, leaning against his car. His words stop me in my tracks. So arrogant.
“Is that what you want to hear? That I miss you? Of course I miss you, but you know what? It’s not actually you that I miss, it’s who I thought you were, and now that I know who you really are, I want nothing to do with you!” I yell.
“You’ve always known who I really am! I’ve been me all along, you know that!” he shouts back. Why can’t we ever just talk without yelling at each other? He makes me crazy, that’s why.
“No, I don’t know that; if I knew that I . . .” I stop myself before I admit that I want to forgive him. What I want to do and what I know I should do are two totally different things.
“You what?” he asks. Of course he would try and coerce me to continue.
“Nothing, you need to go.”
“Tess, you don’t know what it’s been like the last few days for me. I can’t sleep, I can’t even function without you. I need to know there’s a chance we could—”
I interrupt him before he can finish.
“What it’s been like for you?” How can he be so selfish?
“What do you think it’s been like for me, Hardin? Imagine how it feels to have your life completely ripped apart within hours! Imagine how it feels to be so in love with someone that you give them everything, only to find out it was all a game, a bet! How do you think that feels!” I take a step toward him, my hands moving frantically between us. “How do you think it feels to lose my relationship with my mother over someone who could give less of a shit about me! How do you think it feels to be staying in a goddamn motel room? How do you think if it feels to try to move on from this when you keep showing up everywhere! You just don’t know when to stop!”
He doesn’t say anything, so I continue my rant. Part of me feels like I’m being too harsh on him, but he betrayed me in the worst way and he deserves it.
“So don’t you sit here and tell me that it’s been hard for you because you did this! You fucking ruined everything! Just like you always do, so you know what? I don’t feel sorry for you . . . Actually I do. I feel sorry for you because you will never be happy. You will be alone for the rest of your life, and for that I feel sorry for you. I’ll move on, find a nice man who’ll treat me the way you should have, and we’ll get married and have children. I will be happy.”
I’m out of breath after my long speech, and Hardin is looking at me with red eyes and an open mouth.
“You know the worst part of all of this? It’s that you warned me, you said you would ruin me and I didn’t listen.” I try desperately to stop my tears, but I can’t. They fall mercilessly down my face, and my mascara runs, burning my eyes.
“I’m . . . I’m sorry. I’ll go,” he says in a low voice. He looks completely and utterly defeated, the way I wanted him to look, but it doesn’t give me the satisfaction that I thought it would.
I maybe could have forgiven him in the beginning if he’d have told me the truth, even after we slept together, but instead he hid it from me, offered people money for their silence, and tried to trap me by making me sign the lease with him. My first time being intimate with someone is something I will never forget, and he’s ruined that.
I rush over to Trevor’s car and jump inside. The heat is on, blasting at my face, mixing with my hot tears. Trevor stays quiet and I’m thankful yet again for his silence as he drives me to the motel.
By the time the sun goes down, I force myself to take a hot shower, too hot. The look on Hardin’s face as he backed away from me and got into his car is etched in the back of my mind. I see his face every time I close my eyes.
My phone hasn’t rung once since he left. I had this silly, naive idea that we could work. That despite our differences and his temper . . . well, both of our tempers . . . we could make it work somehow. I’m not sure how I manage to fall asleep, but I do.