Page 9 of Yorkie to My Heart (Friends of Gaynor Beach Animal Rescue #6)

Phillip

“This is your new library card.” Scott Wexler grinned at me.

His southern accent wasn’t too strong, but I couldn’t help but notice it.

I’d learned about accents in different regions of the US by watching tons of television.

More information than I could possibly absorb, but anything beyond what I’d been taught in that school in Oregon was a blessing.

Knowledge was a gift I would never take for granted.

“This is perfect.” I held the card in my hand.

“Now, you’re going to want to get a California ID card.” The redheaded librarian with the pretty green eyes smiled. “Or do you have a driver’s license?”

I cleared my throat. “I’ve, uh, never driven.”

“Okay. Then you’ll need lessons. Elyse, at the driving school, has her cars set up for instruction, so she’ll give you lessons. I’ll ask her about the friends-and-family discount.”

“Uh…” I scrunched my nose. “I don’t have any friends or family.”

Scott’s megawatt smile could’ve lit a stadium. “We’re friends.”

“I don’t own a car. I’ll likely never own a car.”

“That might be true, but you never know when you might need to drive. I didn’t own a car when I lived in LA, but one time my friend got a little too tipsy and I took the keys and drove us home.

Emergencies might come up. Plus, having a license just looks good.

You might get a job that involves driving.

With lessons from Elyse, anyone in town will hire you. ”

Another wince on my part. “I don’t have a job.”

“When you’re ready to look for one, I can help you. I lead a résumé-writing class once a month. In fact, I’m running it next week. I’ll save a computer for you, and we can get you organized. You might not need to use it right now, but?—"

“I used to work in a gas station pumping gas when I was sixteen. That’s it. I’ve never had another job. I never finished college. I don’t have any skills.”

He eyed me. “Do you know how to type?”

“Well, yeah.”

“That’s a skill. Do you know how to use a word processor?”

“Sure, but?—”

“That’s a useful thing to know. And we have various free classes here, including website design, basic audiovisual skills, business writing…

you name it. And if we don’t have anything that interests you, but you can think of something else, just let me know.

Gaynor Beach is full of people who want to share their knowledge with their neighbors. There’s a career fair next month?—”

I held my hands up. “I don’t know where I’ll be next month.”

He cocked his head. “You’re thinking about leaving Gaynor Beach?”

“I…uh…”

Curiosity moved to concern with a knit brow.

“No, not like that.” I had no idea what his husband, my social worker, had told him. Likely nothing, but I couldn’t be certain. “I just…a month is a long time, you know?”

“I do.” His eyes softened. “And life can be overwhelming. I remember when Anthony showed up on my doorstep with two infants and told me I was a dad.”

“What?” Okay, this I couldn’t fathom.

“Right? I’d donated sperm and, very long story short, I was the biological father to two children, and I’d been named their guardian.

Tons of legal stuff that doesn’t matter—they were now my responsibility.

My world changed forever that day. No regrets, but wow, did I ever move into taking things one day at a time.

Sometimes one hour at a time. And Anthony was there to help me—through all of it. I couldn’t have done it without him.

“Lots of people do make it on their own, but I always say that having a village on your side makes life easier.”

My mind flashed to Jeremy. How he was slowly becoming a member of my village. And Anthony. And maybe Scott?

“Career fair?”

“Yes. And since you’ll have a résumé, you’ll be good to go. If we don’t find you something sooner. Now, let me give you a tour of the library, and I’ll show you how to log into our digital collection. You’ve got a phone, right?”

I nodded.

“Perfect. We can set that up so you can read e-books or listen to audiobooks on the thing. Isn’t that the coolest? I mean, you probably do all kinds of things?—”

I shook my head as I took my phone out of my pocket. “I’ve never had a smart phone like this. Before…” I gulped, thinking about how I’d spilled my guts to Dr. Martin. “Well, moving forward, right?”

Scott beamed. “My motto in life. And love.” His cheeks pinkened a little. “I’m the luckiest guy around.”

And Anthony is as well. To have found you.

I could only hope I might be that lucky.

And as I walked back to my house, listening to an audiobook, I tried to find all the positives from today.

New psychiatrist who would write a script for my meds and who knew about my crappy past? Check.

New friend in the form of a librarian who could talk someone’s ear off and yet make them feel at home in a building where they’d never been? Double check.

New neighbor willing to watch my dog while I did all that stuff that took bravery I hadn’t been convinced I had? Triple check.

As I neared Jeremy’s house, I caught sight of a note taped to his door.

Oh God. What if he had to take Wally to the vet?

What if he had to go out, and he left Wally alone?

What if…? I couldn’t conjure another panic scenario at that moment, but given enough time, I could likely come up with another twenty.

We’re at the park.

At least I knew which park. Remove the note? What if he wants someone else to meet him as well? What if I’m going to be a third wheel? Then, like, I’ll take Wally and ?—

Jesus Fucking Christ. Just walk to the goddamn park.

I was already sweating and for a brief moment, I considered going home to shower and change. For what? It’s not like he’ll notice you.

Except maybe the sweat stains.

If you change, he’ll know you changed, and he might think you’ve been up to something. Like maybe sex with someone, and ?—

I could spiral a million different ways going down that track. So I wouldn’t. Instead, I turned off the audiobook and tried to enjoy nature as I headed to the park. Not too fast—because I didn’t want to appear panicked. Not too slow—because I really did want to see Jeremy and Wally.

What I didn’t expect, upon entering the park, was to find about eight kids surrounding Wally under the shade of a jacaranda.

Wally had the widest grin on his face. Truly just doggie heaven.

Jeremy stood close—clearly ready to intervene.

Four people stood off to one side, having some kind of discussion. I couldn’t figure out who might be a caregiver to each child, but one of the men held an infant with a baby stroller by him.

“Hey, Phillip, great timing.” Jeremy waved.

Wally poked his head up, spotted me, and tried to take off running.

A kid yelled. “Stop.”

My dog halted in his tracks.

Before I could move, Jeremy started to move toward me. “Great job, Raphael. Thank you for taking care of the dog.”

Raphael nodded. Then pointed to me. “Stranger.”

Oh crap .

“He’s not a stranger.” Jeremy beckoned me over.

I eyed the pile of children who all stared at me. I waved.

Several waved back, and two scurried over to the adults.

“Kids, this is Phillip. Phillip is Wally’s dad. Can we all say hi to Phillip?”

A couple of the kids waved back.

Raphael advanced toward me.

I held my ground. They’re just a kid. She?

He? Them? I couldn’t get a read on the kid.

With the short hair, my instinct was a boy.

With the extra-long bright-pink T-shirt that looked like a dress, I thought maybe a girl.

Does it matter? Stop thinking in the binary .

Except that was the way I’d been raised.

Genderfluid, enby, and transgender were three words I’d never even heard of before I moved to Los Angeles.

More proof of how isolated I’d been. Although gay, hellfire, damnation, and homosexuals were ones I was very familiar with.

I hadn’t known about the reclamation of the word queer.

I’d been a babe in the woods. Easy pickings for Hank.

Oh God, do not go there now .

“Hello, Raphael.”

They narrowed their eyes. “Wally’s dad is a dog.”

“That’s absolutely true. I rescued him. I’m adopting him. So I’m his adoptive dad.”

“You’re not a dog.”

Despite the strong desire to laugh, I didn’t. “Yes, I’m not a dog.”

“So you can’t be Wally’s dad.” The child crossed their arms against their chest in the universal defiance stance.

“Well.”

“You can’t.” They stomped their foot.

In panic, I gazed at Jeremy. I really just wanted to get my dog and get the hell out of there. Kids scared me. Even when I’d been a kid myself, they’d intimidated me. As an adult, I should’ve been able to handle myself.

But I wasn’t.

“Raphael, why don’t we let Phillip see Wally? They’ve been apart, so I’m certain they want to reunite.”

“But he can’t be Wally’s dad.” A bit of a plaintive whine crept into the child’s voice.

That made me wince.

“Raphael, you know that sometimes language is used in picturesque ways. The person who protects and takes care of you is often a dad, so the person who protects and takes care of a dog can be called their dad from that standpoint, not a biological one.”

The kid glared at Jeremy. “I don’t control anything. I am not a remote controller.”

Jeremy covered his mouth with a cough that was so clearly fake that I laughed.

Raphael glared at me.

I held up my hands. “I’m not laughing at you. I would never laugh at you. I’m just laughing at your…”

“Uncle.” Jeremy managed to get out the word.

“It’s not nice to laugh at anyone.” Now the kid had their hands on their hips.

God save me from smart children . “You’re absolutely right. Making fun of someone isn’t nice. And I’m usually very careful. So I’ll ask your forgiveness and promise to do better in the future.” I wasn’t so crazy as to promise to never do it again. I was good…but I wasn’t that good.

Finally Raphael nodded and headed toward the group of adults.

A tall, willowy woman with dark-brown hair and sunglasses crouched down so her eyes were level with the child. The mother? The woman bore a slight resemblance to Jeremy, so that was possible.

Finally, Jeremy approached with a straining Wally.

I crouched. I didn’t have proper balance, though, and fell flat on my ass.

Again.

In front of the cute guy.

Fucking hell, can I never catch a break?

Do you really need to ask…?

Wally leapt onto my lap and proceeded to give me a thorough tongue bath. I laughed. “Okay, dog, I missed you too.” I pulled back to meet his gaze. “Did you miss me?” I added a bit of the sing-songey voice I’d seen connect with him.

He cocked his head, then moved in for one last kiss before settling onto my lap.

“I would say he did miss you.” Jeremy crouched to my level and scratched Wally between the ears.

“We did our best to keep him occupied. Is that okay? My sister’s decision to come over with my nibblets was last minute, and then we wanted to come to the park, and my sister recognized one of the women from the daycare, and… ” He shrugged. “You know how it goes.”

Yeah. Except I didn’t. I had no idea how people made connections and friends and ran into each other.

I couldn’t imagine Jeremy shopping at the discount-food store.

Or checking out the rack at the charity store.

Or going to the library to learn how to prepare a résumé so he could try to apply for jobs he wasn’t even remotely qualified for.

Nope Jeremy had the best of everything. He might not be super rich, but he also wasn’t living off the charity of others, that was for certain.

“You okay?” He cocked his head.

“I’m fine.” Don’t let him see you feeling sorry for yourself. That’s just pathetic.

“Do you want to head home or stay here? The kids would love to spend more time with Wally. You’ll be happy to know he’s done all his business.”

“All his…? Oh. Right. Good to know.” Wally snuggled against my leg. I leaned forward. “I don’t really understand kids, if you know what I mean. I don’t even know what a nibblet is.”

“Ah. Well that’s an easy one. I call my sister’s kids my nibblets. Instead of niece or nephew. I’ve learned to try to not gender people. At all, if possible.”

“Right. We’ll, I’m he/him.”

Jeremy smiled. “So am I.”

“Raphael is a nibblet?”

“And their younger sibling, Thaddeus. Although Thaddeus proclaims to the world that he’s a boy. He’s learning not everyone works under the same paradigm.”

“Ah.” I didn’t really see. But I wanted to see. How could a child know they were the wrong gender? Or not any gender. Because that appeared to be a thing as well.

“How did your appointment go?”

I glanced around.

He winced. “Sorry. I wasn’t?—”

“It went fine. Everything’s fine.” I didn’t truly care if everyone knew I’d gone to a shrink.

Okay…maybe I cared a little bit. But I didn’t feel the shame some people might associate with getting help. I needed help. I might fight against it…but I needed it.

Jeremy looked around. “You feeling overwhelmed?”

I wanted to bristle. That I didn’t need him looking out for me. Except I kind of was overwhelmed. I was facing more people than I had in a very long time.

“Why don’t we walk home?”

Home. Did he mean his home, my home, or just Hummingbird Lane in general? “What about your sister?”

He chuckled. “My sister is quite capable of finding her own way. She’s got a key to my place if she needs to get inside. Otherwise, she’ll just take the kids and drive home.”

“Do you need to say goodbye to them?”

He cocked his head in a way I was finding endearing. “Yeah, I should. Let’s get up first. My knees are killing me.”

I didn’t believe him, but I needed to get up because sitting on the ground wasn’t a flattering look

Jeremy rose graciously, then surreptitiously offered me a hand.

I worried I might pull him over, but his grip proved strong, and he was able to get me up easily.

Better than the hands and knees approach I would’ve had to take.

That inelegant mess was the reason I never got down on the floor with Wally—even when we were alone.

Instead, I coaxed him onto the couch for cuddles.

Or threw the ball, which he was slowly learning to return. He was making progress.

And so was I.

Jeremy stepped away to give both his nibblets hugs.

Raphael stared at me for a long moment. Almost like they could see right through me to my soul.

Hold your ground. They’re just a kid .

In the end, Jeremy kissed Marcie on the cheek and made his way over to me.

Then we headed home with Wally.