Page 32 of Yorkie to My Heart (Friends of Gaynor Beach Animal Rescue #6)

Phillip

As I sat on the park bench with Dr. Martin, my life seemed to come into sharp focus.

He was right—this little park was barely used, and we were quite alone in that moment.

“You’ve had a hell of a few days.” The psychiatrist, whom I’d believed to be a staid, stuffed-shirt older dude, was sitting on the bench with a contented Wally on his lap.

My dog was completely enthralled with the man, nudging his hand for pets and giving little licks.

I kind of couldn’t believe how open Wally was with everyone. Or maybe I could. He’d never been abused. Never neglected. He’d been exposed to plenty of people. He’d been loved, if not in the healthiest way.

And now even that had changed. He was down half a pound, able to walk farther every day, and getting a set amount of food. So was I. I was looking forward to taking him to Dr. Louisa next week.

“I know I just saw you two days ago?—”

He held up his hand. “I’m glad you called. I had an opening, and this is perfect.”

Except I had a sneaking suspicion he was fitting me in on his lunch break.

I’d felt guilty…but only so much. He’d been more than capable of saying no .

I cleared my throat. “Uh, so…” I scratched my nose. “Like… I told you I met Jeremy my first morning walking Wally? My second day in the house?”

“You did.” He continued to stroke the dog’s fur.

“And he’s such a good dog. And, uh, Jeremy’s such a good man.”

“He has that reputation around town. His family’s been here for generations. That kind of stability helps. Now, that’s not a guarantee someone is a good person, but I’ve met Jeremy, and he seems like a stand-up guy.”

“Has everyone in this town met everyone else?”

He chuckled. “Uh, no. Twenty-thousand people is quite a lot. But Jeremy’s parents live close to my home. I told you, my daughter has babysat his nibblets.”

“Right.” How had I forgotten that fact?

“So you’ve got a good neighbor.”

“Who I’m now living with.” I met Dr. Xavier’s sharp glance. “I told you that.”

“You did. That after the fire you moved in with him. I suppose…” He scratched his smooth jaw. “How are you living with him?”

“Well…” I winced. “We shared a bed the last two nights?”

“Is that a question or a statement?”

“Both?”

He chuckled. “I can point out you’ve barely known him a week.”

“You can.”

“I can point out you’re still in a vulnerable state.”

“Like that I was in a hospital in LA not long ago. For a suicide attempt.”

“Yes.”

I sighed. “I barely recognize that kid. Man. Guy. Whatever.” I waved my hand as if trying to swat a fly.

“I did a lot of work with my doctor back in LA. I know she wouldn’t have discharged me if she thought I was still a danger to myself.

She put me into your and Anthony’s hands for safekeeping, but she had to have some trust in me. ”

He blinked. “Yes, that’s true.”

“And I have to prove to you that I can do this on my own.”

“You don’t have to prove anything. I’d say, for your sake, that you need to keep working. Dealing with the issues that brought you to that dark place.”

“I am. I promise.” I scratched Wally behind the years.

The dog closed his eyes in bliss.

“I’ve told Jeremy nearly everything.”

“That’s good.”

“You think I should tell him everything.”

“I didn’t say that. On the one hand, you’re not obliged to share anything about yourself with anyone else. On the other hand, him knowing might be a good thing. So he can say something if you start slipping.”

“But won’t he always look at me and worry? If I have a bad day, might he run to you and tattle.”

He appeared to take a moment. “He’s a pretty sharp guy. Maybe this is me projecting, but he doesn’t seem like the type to panic.”

“He’s very protective.”

“Ah. Well, that can happen in relationships. Especially if one partner has been in a precarious place. You’ve told him about your relationship with Hank.”

“Yeah.” I winced. “And how I got to be the way I am.” I cleared my throat. “I told him everything . Like how Hank barely touched me. How he manipulated me emotionally. How I’m a virgin…”

Dr. Martin appeared to consider. “Well, I think those were all really good things to share. You’ll have certain incidents that might trigger you.

Not my favorite word, but very to the point.

Jeremy might say something or do something that upsets you.

If you’ve been honest, he’ll understand what’s happened.

Heck, he might even be able to avoid upsetting you in the first place. ”

“I don’t want him to censor who he is. I don’t want him to feel that he has to be anyone other than the person I’ve gotten to know.”

“You’re not asking him to. You’re giving him knowledge. Knowledge is power. There might very well be things that set Jeremy off. Like he’s protective of Raphael. Anyone who hurts the child will face his wrath. Hopefully he’d keep it civil, but I don’t blame families who are protective of children.”

“The way my mom should’ve been of me.”

“Precisely.” Dr. Martin stroked down Wally’s back. “But you have people in your life who care. You told me about James taking you shopping yesterday. How Colin has offered you their basement suite. How Marcie trusted you with her kids.”

“Okay, I need to sidetrack us. Do we have time?”

He chuckled. “We have time.”

“So, Marcie brought the nibblets over last night. And Jeremy made the most amazing steaks for the adults and hamburgers for the kids, and he’s teaching me how to cook. Which is awesome.”

“I’m glad to hear it.”

“Yeah.” I drew in a breath. “Marcie wants to go back to work. At least part-time. Possibly full-time. That means evenings and weekends and sometimes days when she doesn’t have Thaddeus in daycare.

Darren isn’t always available, and Jeremy’s schedule can sometimes be unpredictable.

” Like trips to LA in the middle of the night to help famous clients.

Mind still blown on that one. I’d seen the show Andreas had starred in last year.

I was bound to silence about Jeremy’s involvement, but I could feel bad for the actor over what he’d been through.

“Sounds like Marcie needs help.”

“Right? And here’s the crazy part…” I scratched my nose again. Damned itchy this morning. “She asked me if I’d consider helping out. And that she’d pay me. Really good money. She says I need to take a childcare class—CPR, nutrition, safety…some basic stuff so I don’t fuck up too badly.”

“Okay.” Neutral.

“I handled everything for the kids the other night. When she had the crisis. I managed with Raphael. And I’ve been reading tons of articles—from reputable journals—and Jeremy shared some blog posts from people who deal with kids like Raphael.

I mean, I’d be worried all the time that I might do something wrong. ”

“The dilemma of every parent. Or at least the good ones.” Xavier held my gaze. “How do you feel?”

“Honored. Tempted. I really want to find a job. The hours wouldn’t be enough for me to live on my own…but the money would be enough for me to feel less dependent on Jeremy. Like I could contribute, you know?”

“Yes, I do understand. Do you think you could handle the nibblets?”

“It’s an awesome responsibility.”

“There are plenty of jobs like that. We can certainly talk about finding you something less stressful. I think Bales and Bowls is hiring. You clearly love animals and are good with them. The store offers an excellent training program for their employees as well as good benefits after you complete your probationary period.”

I tilted my head.

“Rochelle, my daughter, is trying to convince me to let her work there. She has my husband’s support. I’m wavering between letting her fly and worrying about schoolwork.” He cleared his throat. “But you didn’t need to know that.”

“Being a parent is an awesome responsibility .”

He laughed. “Damn, my own words used against me.”

Panic started to set in. “I didn’t?—”

“I’m teasing, Phillip. Not meaning to be insensitive. I like that you have a bit of wit you’re willing to share with me.”

Heat raced to my cheeks. “I’m not usually like that.”

He grinned. “I suspect you have a wicked sense of humor. And that’s a good thing. I hope you let others see how clever you are.”

“I don’t feel clever.”

“Because you don’t, I think, have a true sense of who you are. You’ve never truly been free from other’s expectations. People who haven’t had your best interests at heart.”

“Jeremy has my best interests at heart.” I said the words with absolute conviction. “But what if I’m making a mistake, staying with him?”

“A very good question to ask yourself.”

“Can you know after a week? That you’re in love?

That you can honestly see yourself spending the rest of your life with them?

That you trust them and know they’ll care for you?

I fancied myself in love with Hank. But I didn’t feel one one-hundredth the way I feel with Jeremy. It’s like… Fated sounds ridiculous.”

Dr. Martin smiled. “I met my wife while doing a rotation at an LA hospital. I knew the first moment we spoke. Not her beauty, although she was stunning. No, it was her sense of humor despite a career-ending injury. Her boundless enthusiasm and curiosity. The hardscrabble life she’d lived.

How she’d channeled poverty into her art and then, eventually into being a wife and mother.

” He closed his eyes briefly. “I don’t talk about her often with patients.

Because we’re not here to talk about me.

But I will share this final tidbit—I felt the same way about my husband.

I’d been a widower for five years. I was raising three beautiful daughters. My life was full to the brim.

“Then I met Zed, and I let some things go to make room for him in my life. In our lives. I knew. I just knew. And I don’t have a single regret.

Not one. Someone from the outside might think we rushed things.

Not me. He slotted into our lives as if he was always meant to be there.

And, for the record, he does a lot of the childcare work.

Shares that with me. I trust him with my daughters.

Just like, if Marcie’s offering you a job, she likely trusts her kids with you.

” Gently, he eased Wally off his lap and onto mine.

“He’s a great dog. You’re a great person. ”

“You think I’m worthy of him?”

“Absolutely. And, from what I’ve seen, I think he’s worthy of you. But it’s okay not to settle on the first man you meet. It’s okay to not settle at all. Jeremy has offered shelter and friendship. It’s okay if that’s all you’re ready for at the moment.”

We parted ways soon after, leaving me with a lot to think about. As I hustled Wally and myself home, gray clouds moved in from over the Pacific. Summer rainstorms were rare, but they could be fierce. I definitely wanted to be home before the rains came.

Home.

I liked the sound of that.