Page 20 of Yorkie to My Heart (Friends of Gaynor Beach Animal Rescue #6)

Jeremy

Walking in the park with Wally and Phillip felt…normal.

Marcie had spent the past five years trying to excise the word from my vocabulary.

Because she’d understood instinctively that Raphael would never fall into the category of normal.

Even from their birth, they’d been a special child.

And Marcie drilled into me that normal was a bad word and exceptional was a good one.

She was right. Raphael and Thaddeus were exceptional children.

My life, while normal , had been way too boring.

Now I had Phillip and Wally in my life, though, things felt fucking fantastic.

Yet still, tranquility and softness permeated, and our walk stirred something inside me.

The vague scent of smoke still lingered in the air, even a block away from the wreckage. We needed a good breeze to send it away once and for all. Either inland or, preferably, out over the ocean.

Wally glanced back, as if making certain Phillip and I were still with him.

No sense explaining to him that as long as the leash was taut, one or both of us was. And that, no matter what, we’d always be there for him.

We rounded the bend on the path farthest away from Fern Avenue.

“Do you think we could head down to the boardwalk?” Phillip didn’t meet my gaze, but continued on.

“Maybe grab a sticky bun at Nice Buns? Colin was telling me they’re to die for.

And that Ambrose makes them fresh. Colin might’ve also suggested the baker was cute.

With, uh, nice buns.” Color rose in his cheeks to a cute blush.

“So you want to check Ambrose out? You know he’s married, right?”

Phillip waved me off. “I’m only trying to be friendly. Trust me, I’m not relationship material. And maybe I shouldn’t go into a bakery. People might think I got fat because of his food.”

I snagged Phillip’s arm.

He stopped abruptly, then turned to face me.

“You don’t need to talk like that. You’re entitled to something sweet.

Didn’t you say that you don’t have diabetes?

So yes, this treat will have carbs and sugar.

You ate a healthy breakfast, and we’ll make certain to have something just as healthy for lunch and dinner.

We’re about to walk quite a way, so that counts.

You and Wally are doing amazing. If someone thinks otherwise—if someone judges you—then that’s on them.

Not you. Certainly not Wally. People can be genuinely fucked up.

Some have their own issues, and some are just cruel.

Hold your head high. Be proud of how far you’ve come.

Believe in yourself.” I rubbed my forehead with the hand not gripping him. “God, I sound like some evangelist.”

He snickered. “Not like the preachers I used to know.” His smile faded. “These are all nice platitudes, Jeremy, but not the reality.” He bit his lower lip.

I longed to pull him into my arms. His pain was so palpable.

“He told me he loved me. That he was happy I was a good weight.” He winced. “I was scrawny when I got here from Oregon. I’d had to scrounge for food almost my entire life. Suddenly I had a meal card and food was everywhere. I ate. Man, did I eat.”

My heart ached for the boy who’d fought for food. So different from the life of absolutely decadence I’d enjoyed.

“And then…” He broke our gaze and looked down, toeing the sidewalk.

At least he’d been wearing his good shoes yesterday.

I would’ve bought him another pair, but I was slowly learning to check the instinct to just throw money at him and to solve all his problems. Some of that, he needed to do himself.

Not just for the sake of pride—but to prove to himself that he could.

I waited.

He drew in a deep breath and let it out slowly.

“I met Hank.” He finally met my gaze again.

“I was dazzled. He was sophisticated and rich and he offered me everything. He asked me to come and live with him after just a few dates. I…” He swallowed.

“I didn’t realize that was a flashing red light.

” He sniffed. “I want to be clear that he was never physically abusive. That’s important for me to put out there.

I never had anything to fear from him physically. ”

Of course, I heard the words not being spoken.

There had been abuse. And I was aware that emotional and psychological abuse could be just as damaging.

I’d had a client, Mariella. Beautiful, smart, and a brilliant actress.

Who married an egomaniac who abused her terribly—yet never laid a finger on her.

When she finally escaped, she needed a fresh start.

She came to me, and I helped her get it.

For her, part of the healing journey was to share publicly what she’d endured.

A few people criticized her for being honest. Most people applauded.

If someone that beautiful and that successful lived miserably for all those years—but finally escaped—maybe there might be help for others. ”

These days, Mariella was living her best life. Solo and starring in a movie that might just get her a Golden Globe nomination. Perhaps even an Oscar.

“He liked to feed me.” Phillip glanced away before looking back. “He used to joke that I looked good playing video games and eating bonbons.” He winced. “I dropped out of college. I mean, my life was set.” He rolled his hand.

I understood. “But you didn’t cook or anything like that?” What, he’d just been around to, what? Have sex with? Perhaps I was reading between the lines, but I didn’t hear any emotional or spiritual connection between him and Hank. Certainly nothing romantic.

“We ordered takeout all the time. And I ate bagels, cereal, toast, and other easy-to-prepare stuff. Remember, I didn’t have any money.

And I didn’t even really understand nutrition.

We’d never been taught any of that in school, and it…

wasn’t my mother’s thing.” He gazed upward.

“In my heart, I knew something was wrong. But my brain and stomach enjoyed being full. So what if I didn’t eat a fruit or a vegetable?

I wasn’t hungry. And hunger would get me thinking about my mom—so I did everything to avoid ever being hungry.

” He used the hand gripping Wally’s leash to sweep up and down himself. “And this is the result.”

Jesus Fucking Christ. Whoever this Hank was, I wanted to track him down and give him a piece of my mind.

I couldn’t fathom that kind of psychological abuse.

That was physical abuse. He might never have struck Phillip, but the complete disregard for Phillip’s health was a kind of abuse.

I regarded him, holding his gaze. “And he’s out of the picture? ”

“Yeah.” An expression of pain crossed his face with a tortured wince. “He left me because I was a fat pig.”

The laugh he gave was one of the most pitiful sounds I’d ever heard. My heart ached.

“He was wrong.”

“No, he wasn’t.” Phillip held my gaze. “Remember, I weighed an extra thirty-five pounds from where I am now. A couple months in the psychiatric department in a rehab hospital will do that to you. Help you lose weight. I’d still be there if not for a firm commitment from me that I’d take care of myself and a keen social worker from Gaynor Beach who heard about my situation and offered to help. ”

Ah. I still hadn’t put all the pieces together—how Phillip had wound up in our small town. But it didn’t matter. “Anthony’s a good man.”

“Anthony’s the best.” Phillip again looked away.

“My psychiatrist knew Dr. Martin and asked if he thought I could get a fresh start. Dr. Martin saw the monumentality of the task and asked Anthony to help facilitate things. And to add me to his already full-to-the-brim caseload. But he did. Without a single complaint—at least not to me. He found me the shelter bed while he arranged things with James. He got me clothes and stuff because he knew I couldn’t bear to go back to the house in LA. ”

“Yet you went back yesterday.”

He winced. “I realized I left a few photos of my mom behind. And maybe I shouldn’t have been sentimental, given how fractured our relationship was—but I felt like…

” He swallowed. “I have pictures of myself from when I was a kid and a teenager. Photographs of me skinny. I…wanted a way to hold on to that kid as much as I am holding tight to the possibility of a future where I’m not… ” He flailed his arm.

“Generous? Kind? Attractive? Sexy?” Don’t go overboard . “Where you’re not a sweet man who rescues a dog in need and lets strangers and dogless kids play with said dog?”

“You’re just saying that?—”

“Yeah, I am. Because it’s true.” I considered for a long time.

“I think you’re judging yourself more harshly than many other people might.

I certainly don’t look at you and see whatever it is you think I see.

You’re a good man, Phillip. You just need distance from what was clearly a toxic and abusive relationship.

It sounds like your ex was one sick fucker.

So let’s celebrate that you’re out of that relationship. ”

“He left me.” Sadness. Despair.

“So what? He was a narcissistic sociopath who didn’t care who he hurt.”

“You don’t know him.”

“No, maybe not. But I know his kind. Controlling to the point of obsession. Hurting the one he purportedly loves.”

“He never said he loved me. I said it to him all the time…but he never said it back. So that should’ve been my first clue, right?”

“You were a na?ve kid from a small town who got taken advantage of and abused badly. I don’t see that any of this—not one single bit—is on you. He’s the one who’s fucked in the head.”

Phillip cocked his head. “You’re really mad.”

“Damn right I am.”

He winced.

I realized I still gripped his biceps. Instantly, I released him. “Sorry.”

“I…don’t think anyone’s ever been mad on my behalf.”

“Maybe I’m the only one who’s expressed it. It’s possible your doctors, and even Anthony, are angry as well.”

“Because they have people who really need help. As opposed to me.”

God give me strength . I wasn’t equipped to deal with this. Helping Mariella recover her reputation was one thing. Counseling a young man so clearly hurting was a bit beyond me. “When do you see Anthony or Dr. Martin? Have you told them how you’re feeling?”

“They both have the report from my psychiatrist in LA.” Again he looked down at his shoes.

“That wasn’t technically my question. I’m asking if they’re aware how you’re feeling now.”

“I’m so much better than I was before.” He scoffed the words.

That derision cut deep. For him and, I was discovering, for myself as well. “Seriously?—”

“Anthony and I were supposed to talk yesterday. Only he had an emergency call and I had to run up to LA or risk losing what little I had in the world. He rushed me to Brooklyn’s, where I left Wally, and then dropped me off at Colin’s.

He took off and, as you know, Colin took me to LA.

” He let out a long sigh. “I’m supposed to be at a résumé-writing class today at the library, but I’m sure Scott will understand if I don’t show.

I mean, I didn’t formally sign up anyway. ”

“I can help you with a?—”

He glared. “What? Two years as a philosophy student and four years as a kept pet? I don’t know anyone looking for someone with those talents.”

Jesus. “I bet you have other skills. And plenty of entry-level jobs don’t require experience. We can find a way to explain the past few years. People have gaps. The key is to be keen to work. A few places in Gaynor Beach are hiring—why don’t you let me see what I can find you?”

“There you go again, Jeremy. Always trying to fix things. I have to be able to stand on my own.” He scratched his cheek. “To that end, I have an appointment with Dr. Martin tomorrow.”

“Does he know all the details you shared with me?”

“I’m sure it’s in the report?—”

“You found the courage to be honest with me.” Which humbled me, terrified me, and gave me resolve. Three very conflicting emotions running through me.

“I…” He bit his lip again. “Can we go to Nice Buns? Especially if I promise to just enjoy myself?”

“That sounds like a great idea. We can grab a coffee and sit on a bench near the boardwalk? I’m certain we can scrounge something for our little four-legged companion.” I broke his gaze to crouch to Wally’s level. “You’ve been very good, little one.” I scratched between his ears.

He closed his eyes in bliss.

Phillip cleared his throat.

Wally’s eyes popped open while I stood.

“Shall we go?” Phillip pointed toward the ocean.

“Yes. Yes, we shall.”

And so we did.