Page 18 of Yorkie to My Heart (Friends of Gaynor Beach Animal Rescue #6)

Phillip

“Are you certain about this?” Colin hefted one of the boxes we’d retrieved in LA. “I was serious about my offer to come stay with us. Or you could go to the shelter, and we can take Wally. Or?—”

“I’m really okay with it. Jeremy’s…a good friend.” I try not to let the catch in my breath be too audible.

Things hadn’t sunk in.

The firefighter said something about faulty electrical wiring. In a wall. Certainly not something James would’ve known about, and nothing I could’ve foreseen.

Except maybe that I was cursed. That I was bad luck.

Maybe if some other tenant had been here, they might’ve spotted the fire and put it out with the fire extinguisher.

The extinguisher I’d known about. James and Anthony had provided me with an extensive tour—including all the safety features of the house.

So I’d known where the extinguisher was.

Only I’d been in LA picking up all my stuff. The stuff that was now all I owned in the world. Crammed into four boxes and one duffel bag. All those new things Anthony had bought were gone. All of Wally’s things were gone.

Thank Christ I hadn’t left him alone today.

My heart lurched.

He would’ve died.

I would never have forgiven myself.

Likely, I would’ve tried to kill myself again. Guilt, I understood. Guilt, that would’ve consumed me. Guilt, the one thing I couldn’t live with.

“Phillip?” Colin cleared his throat.

“He could’ve died.” I managed to choke out the words—but barely.

Colin frantically looked around. For a place to put the box? To get away from this weeping man/child?

I couldn’t be certain.

“Hey.” Jeremy was there again, without Wally.

He eased the box I was trying to carry back into Colin’s SUV, then he pulled me into a hug.

“You’re okay. Wally’s okay. I got him settled in my place.

A little overwrought—what with his day at the daycare and now all the excitement.

The smoke smell isn’t too bad in my place, so he should be safe there.

I’m super lucky the wind was blowing the other direction. ”

I choked out, “I’m glad.” I was, even if I felt numb right now.

“Wally probably senses your stress, though. Now, I’m not suggesting you try to hide it. Anyone would be overwhelmed.” Jeremy gripped me tighter. “But I’ve got you now, okay?”

I couldn’t speak. Partly because my face was buried in his chest, and partly because words wouldn’t come. I’d been so cold to him the other day, and here he was, embracing me. Holding me as if I were precious. Willing, clearly, to share my burden. Hell, I believed he’d carry it…given half a chance.

Can I give him that chance? Can I open myself to him? To the pain I’ll endure when he tires of me and walks away? I just didn’t have a good answer for that.

“Is everything okay?” The deep voice of the landlord I’d met earlier today carried across the still-noisy sound of firefighters doing…whatever they were supposed to be doing. Of the shattered stillness of the night. Oh my God, it’s his house. I let it burn.

“Hey, sweetheart.” Colin’s Long Island accent came through clearly as he embraced his husband. “It’ll be okay.”

“It’s just a house.” James’s voice caught. “Are you okay?”

Somehow, I knew he was talking to me. I tried to push away.

Jeremy held me tighter for just one moment more before letting me pull back.

I wiped my eyes. “Yeah, I’m okay.” My breath caught again. Fucking hell. “Well, okay is relative, right? Wally and I are alive. Things can be replaced.”

Before he could even respond, a van pulled up with the rescue shelter’s logo— Safe Haven Animal Rescue.

James held up his finger as if indicating I wait while he headed over, and he greeted Arthur as the man hopped down.

To my surprise, they embraced.

Right, Colin and had mentioned James and Arthur were best friends. Although this appeared to be more than just a quick embrace. Most like solace being offered.

Ah, so maybe James isn’t as unaffected as he’s trying to seem.

He’s being strong for me. Maybe I can be strong for him .

Colin said this home on Hummingbird Lane had been James’s first. Even though he’d only lived there a short time before moving in with Colin, I’d sensed a clear affection as he’d given me the tour.

And I’d also gotten the impression he liked that people in need who could find refuge there. Could find shelter.

People down on their luck, so to speak. People like me.

Jeremy’s hand remained on my shoulder. “I measured out some canned tuna and mashed potatoes for Wally. He scarfed it down along with a bowl of water. So he’s fed, but he’ll need to go out before bedtime.”

“I don’t think…”

“Don’t think…?”

“How am I supposed to sleep?”

“Gonna be hard, huh? I bet you’re right.

You’ve had a big day, Phillip. Even before…

all this. But know I’ll watch over you, and you can let go of some of that vigilance you hold on to so tightly.

I’ve got you. We have all the safety equipment.

Smoke detectors, carbon monoxide detectors… a barky dog.”

I glared.

He smiled. “No, I’ve never heard him bark. He’s such a sweetheart. As are you. I’m so sorry this happened to you.”

Arthur and James approached, their arms full of dog belongings.

I gaped.

“Well, I had some extra stuff at the shelter.” Arthur shrugged. “I happen to know the owner of Bales and Bowls. They’re always happy to help in an emergency. I was most concerned about stairs so he doesn’t try to jump.”

And, in fact, he held some beneath his arm.

They slipped.

Jeremy let go of me and rescued them. “Anything else?”

“Yes, a pile of things. But James and I can bring them in. If that’s okay,” he quickly added.

“That’s more than okay.” Jeremy grabbed a cloth bag, filled to the brim with God knew what.

I sniffed. “I can’t afford all this.” I had nothing except the thirty dollars in my wallet, a debit card with a few dollars on it, and the boxes of stuff I’d retrieved with Colin.

Oh, and a dog who would need me more than ever.

“That’s okay.” Arthur smiled. “I get a discount. And we have benefactors who donate money for just such cases.”

“I can cover this.” Jeremy waved. “God knows, I earned my keep today. At my day job,” he quickly clarified.

For the first time, I glanced up at him. His dark-brown eyes were nearly black in the night, but I spotted lines of strain in his face.

“Are you okay?”

“Long day.” He offered his genuine smile. “We’ll get you settled, okay? Let all these good people head home?”

“Of course.” Colin hefted a box and headed into the house.

Arthur and James followed with all the dog paraphernalia.

Jeremy snagged my duffel and hefted it over his shoulder as if it weighed nothing—and still kept his grip on the stairs Wally could use to get onto the spare bed to keep me company.

Jordan had discussed with me the pros and cons of letting Wally sleep with me.

Some nights my dog preferred his bed. Other nights, he preferred mine.

I, being magnanimous, let him choose. Tonight I really hoped he chose to cuddle with me.

After a deep breath—which only filled my lungs with acrid smoke—I grabbed the last box.

The lightest one, of course. That didn’t surprise me.

Colin was the guy who did more than his fair share.

He’d assured me he was completely healed from his liver transplant, and hauling a few boxes would be good for his health.

I’d chosen to believe he was an adult and if he said this was okay, that it damn well was. I still didn’t know how to thank him.

When I stepped into Jeremy’s house, Colin himself was there to snag the box. “We’ve put all the boxes in the exercise room so you can sort them more easily. We’ll put the duffel in the spare bedroom?—”

Jeremy nodded and headed up with the bag and Wally’s stairs.

I met Colin’s gaze. “I don’t have the words.”

“Are you okay with a hug?” His hands shook even as he tried to settle them.

Ah, so not unaffected either. He’d had a moment’s panic when he’d heard about the fire. James had been the one telling him—so he’d known his husband was safe—but I’d been under the impression that assurance only carried so far.

“A hug would be nice.” All these embraces. A guy could get spoiled. Well, not really. But I could get used to them, and that would be bad. Eventually they’d come to an end. Eventually people would see the real me. The coward. The pathetic fool.

Except Colin knew a lot of the bad stuff…and he still wanted to comfort me. So I stepped into his arms. And realized quickly from the way he trembled that I was also offering him comfort as well.

“Wally, wait.” Jeremy’s command permeated my brain.

Colin chuckled as he released me. “There’s always a dog.”

“That’s absolutely true.” Arthur chuckled as he and James emerged from the kitchen. “We brought food in a container he can’t open. There’s a measuring scoop as well. We picked up a package of t-r-e-a?—”

“Don’t bother.” Jeremy winced as Wally started barking. “Damn dog can spell.”

All five of us laughed while Wally gazed around, then he narrowed his eyes at me.

“You’ve got kibble.” I turned to Arthur. “I’ll find a way to make this up?—”

“That’s not necessary—” Jeremy attempted to interject.

“We can always use walkers.” Arthur grinned. “We can find dogs docile enough to walk with you and Wally. Jordan says you’re good with training commands.”

Heat rushed up my cheeks. “Well, I?—”

“He’s really good.” Jeremy gestured toward me. “He’s a natural. And I can join in as well, right? I like the idea of walking dogs.”

I nearly said he’d have his hands full with Wally and me. But I resisted. He’d made the choice to welcome us in. He’d known what he was getting himself into.

Or so I hoped.

“Is everyone okay with pizza?” Colin held out his phone. “Because, despite having a big dinner, I’m starving.”

Jeremy cut me a questioning look. Whether to ask if I was too tired or whether asking if the food choice was okay, I couldn’t be certain.

I smiled. “I’d love a slice.”