Page 24 of Yorkie to My Heart (Friends of Gaynor Beach Animal Rescue #6)

Phillip

Awareness came in degrees as I wavered between a very erotic dream about Jeremy and the persistent feeling of being watched.

I slowly opened my eyes.

To find Raphael about three inches from my face.

To my great pride, I didn’t startle. Instead, I smiled.

“Mom said not to wake you.”

“Ah, well, I’m glad you did what your mom said. Thank you for not waking me.”

“Are you awake now?”

“Yes.”

“Mom! Phillip’s awake!”

Ears ringing, I pushed myself into a sitting position.

Wally licked my face.

“Yes, buddy, I’m happy to see you.” I’d taken him for a pee before we’d come into Marcie’s house last night. I eyed the clock radio to discover it was barely past seven. I met Raphael’s gaze. “How about you let me get dressed, and then we can take Wally out for a walk?”

Raphael fist-pumped the air. Then they gently petted my pooch. Finally, they bolted out of the room.

Wally licked my face one more time before sailing down the stairs and following Raphael right out the door.

Marcie will watch over them .

The kids were amazingly gentle with Wally—and he clearly adored them. He’d been around kids pretty much his entire life. The grandchildren of his elderly owner. He’d just never been taken by a walk with any of them.

Which still made me sad. But if he’d had a more fulsome life, he might not be with me.

I didn’t believe in destiny per se—or divine intervention—but I could believe some things were meant to be.

That the universe might nudge. I was meant to come to Gaynor Beach thanks to Anthony.

I was meant to rescue Wally thanks to Arthur. I was meant to live next to Jeremy.

The house burning down had unintended consequences that had, in a weird way, landed me in Marcie’s spare room.

I should’ve been strong enough to stay alone in Jeremy’s house.

I should have. I was incredibly grateful, though, that he realized I would’ve probably broken down.

I still wasn’t over the fire, and even though Jeremy’s home was likely perfectly safe, I didn’t have the confidence to just wander around a stranger’s house and make myself feel at home.

After I rolled out of bed, I grabbed my bathrobe and a pile of clothes to wear, and I headed to the bathroom. Twenty minutes later, feeling very refreshed, I made my way into Marcie’s kitchen.

She grinned. “Raphael woke you, didn’t they?”

I shook my head. “Honest to God, they didn’t.” I gazed out the back sliding-glass door to find Raphael and Thaddeus throwing a ball between the two of them and Wally trying to grab it. He couldn’t jump very high, but he sure was making an effort.

Thaddeus dropped the ball.

Wally nabbed it. Then took off. As fast as his stubby little legs could take him.

The children chased him.

“He peed as soon as he went out.” Marcie handed me a plate of orange slices. “My roses needed the water.”

I winced.

She laughed. “I was joking. He’s free to do whatever. Thaddeus’s best friend owns a malamute. When the darn dog isn’t herding the kids, he’s trying to dig up my garden.” She grinned. “I don’t mind because the dog makes the kids so happy. Much like Wally is.”

“That’s good. Arthur said he’d be good with kids.” I gazed out at the squealing children and the yapping dog. My heart sang.

“He is. Now, I’m whipping up pancakes before I run Raphael to school. Thaddeus doesn’t have anything today, so he’s just hanging around the house.”

“Do you want me to keep an eye on him?”

“Sure. How about we all walk Raphael to school? Then you can see where they go every day.”

I wasn’t certain I needed to see their school, but I was certainly open to a walk. “I have plenty of baggies.”

Marcie laughed. “I think we need to teach the kids how to scoop. In case Wally goes in the backyard.”

“That’s my job.”

“Ah, but my children want a dog. Perhaps if they scoop poop a few times…but Darren will still be allergic.”

“Aren’t there hypoallergenic dogs?” That was a thing…right?

“Shh. Don’t suggest that around the kids.”

“I won’t.”

She snagged her phone out of her back pocket and tapped it at a few times. “Well, good Goddamn.”

“Uh…”

“Yorkies are hypoallergenic.”

I burst out laughing. “How did I not know that?”

“Well, I should’ve been more worried when you came here last night, but I had Darren take an allergy pill. He was fine this morning before he went to work. I’d assumed that was because of the pill.” She laughed. “What if he was okay because the dog isn’t going to trigger his allergies as much?”

I eyed her. “You can’t have my dog.”

She petted my shoulder. “No, of course not. We might borrow him, though.”

“Well, that would be okay.”

“Great. Pancakes. Do you want to help, or do you want to supervise chaos?”

I gazed out over the backyard. “They seem okay.”

“Yeah, they do. So, I cheat and use pancake mix…”

Whether Jeremy had mentioned my lack of culinary skills, or whether Marcie was just a mother hen, I spent the next half hour learning the intricacies of making perfect pancakes along with sausages.

Marcie said she hated the damn sausages, but Darren was addicted, and both children had taken up the mantle for the next generation and were carrying on their father’s legacy.

That made me laugh.

Then maybe a little sad as I acknowledged I didn’t have a legacy like that.

Nothing special my mother had ever shared with me.

Nothing I could cling to that we’d done together.

Just a legacy of neglect by a woman who’d been ill most of my life.

I was truly sorry for the life she’d lived…

but then I watched Marcie and Jeremy with the nibblets, and I could see how much I’d really missed out on.

After a delicious breakfast, we walked to Raphael’s kindergarten class.

Marcie introduced me to the teacher, who took great interest in Wally and suggested, quite boldly, that the dog would make a great therapy dog. She’d observed his calm nature when a pile of children descended.

On the way home, Marcie reiterated what the teacher said.

I pointed out I’d have to be Wally’s handler. And deal with, you know, people.

She said I could look at one-on-one settings like the program in the library where young kids practiced their reading skills by reading to dogs.

As I helped her clean the kitchen, that idea circled in my mind. Wally’s temperament would be perfect for sitting still and listening to a kid speak. Or just comforting a child. And he was small enough not to be intimidating. All the kids loved him.

And he lapped up the attention.

Which made me think keeping him to myself was selfish.

So I texted Jordan.

The trainer responded immediately that he’d add Wally to the therapy-dog training class starting in two weeks. That meant, though, that we needed at least two personal sessions to ensure Wally was completely prepared for the tougher class.

I readily agreed.

To my dismay, Marcie insisted on driving me to the appointment with Dr. Martin. She said she’d take Thaddeus to the library. I could text her when I was finished, and she’d run back to pick me up.

As I sat in Dr. Martin’s waiting room, the past few days caught up with me.

When I dropped into the chair in his office, everything sort of burst out.

“I had to go to LA to get my stuff, and Colin took me. Great guy. Then I came back and found James’s house had burned down with my new stuff inside.

That was sad. Then I moved in with Jeremy, and he’s been so nice.

But I don’t see how that can last. Everyone gets tired of me eventually.

Now I’m at his sister’s—Jeremy’s—and she’s so nice to me.

And her kids love Wally, and I’m thinking Wally should train to be a therapy dog, but that means I have to be there with him and, you know, people.

“You know about my suicide attempt. We haven’t talked about that specifically, although you asked me how I was feeling.

And right now, I’m an eight or nine. Great.

But I know that can’t last because shit happens.

Shit always happens. I need to prepare myself so that when things go badly, I don’t fall apart again.

You know? Handle it more like when my mom died than when Hank left.

Which are really the tent posts in my life.

I’d like another one. Like, today. Today could be a tent post. A moment that I’m marking. ” I took in a deep breath. “Sorry.”

“I’m not.” Dr. Martin offered a wide smile. “Your story gives me plenty to work with. Of everything, though, what would you say is bothering you the most?”

“Jeremy.”

“The man whose house you’re staying in.”

“Yes.”

“Ah. And what about him…bothers you?”

“Not bother.” I threaded my hands together and placed them on my lap.

“He’s a great guy. I mean super great. And I think I’m attracted to him.

” I closed my eyes. “Scratch that.” I opened my eyes.

“I really like him. Yeah, he’s older. Like Hank was, so that’s a worry.

But he’s nothing like my ex-boyfriend. Jeremy’s a great guy.

I already said that. It’s true, though. We talked yesterday morning.

While we walked Wally to Nice Buns. I’m walking, Dr. Martin.

A lot. And it’s not as bad as I thought it would be.

And Wally’s got more stamina than I would’ve thought, and he just keeps going. ”

“You spoke to Jeremy?”

“Yeah. I told him…just about everything. I vomited out everything that happened with Hank, and how I hate being unhealthy, and how I know people are judging me, and—” I let out a long breath.

“I didn’t tell him about the suicide attempt.

Or how my landlady found me. How I’d wanted to die.

How I really should’ve died. Except…” I scrubbed my face.

“If I had, then Wally wouldn’t be with me.

And maybe he would’ve found a better owner?—”

“A better owner doesn’t likely exist.” Dr. Martin offered me a smile.

“Anthony says you’re wonderful with Wally.

I’d like to meet the little guy. Perhaps next time, if you don’t mind, we might meet in the park.

Unless you’re concerned about being seen with me.

There’s a little park behind the hospital. It’s pretty deserted most of the time.”

I bit my lower lip. “I’m not embarrassed, Dr. Martin. I need help. I’m getting help. I don’t hide that from people. Jeremy, Marice, and Colin all know. I’m more thinking…do you want to be seen with me?”

He cocked his head.

I pressed my hand to my gut.

“Phillip.”

“Yeah?”

“I would never be embarrassed to be seen with you. I only worry about how you feel. I accept you for who you are. You’ve said you’d like to lose some weight to get healthier.

I’m fully supportive of that, as long as it’s what you want, not what other people make you think you should want.

Being overweight can cause a myriad of health problems and shortens your life.

So why not try to get healthy if that’s a goal for you?

Wally was the first step. You said you’ve been watching what you eat?—”

“We had pancakes for breakfast. I had just one, and then we walked the nibblets to school.”

He tilted his head.

“Raphael and Thaddeus.”

He grinned. “That’s great. They’re wonderful children.”

“Marcie said your daughter has babysat them a few times.”

“Ah, yes.”

“She asked me…” I scratched my nose. “Something about…was I getting help or… No, I told her I was seeing you. Because I thought being honest was important. And I didn’t want her to hear from someone else that her brother was living with a guy under psychiatric supervision.”

Slowly, Dr. Martin nodded. “That’s really important to you, right? That you be honest.”

I glanced down at my hands. “Except about the suicide.”

“Phillip, that’s something incredibly personal.

Something you never have to share with anyone if you don’t want to.

It’s good that Anthony and I know. It’s good that you have the self-awareness and that, hopefully, if you start slipping that you’ll reach out and ask for help.

We always have someone on call in town. I gave you that number, right? ”

I tapped my phone, still not looking at him.

“Okay…”

Finally, I looked up.

“Why don’t we start by talking about your feelings for Jeremy? I suspect they might be complicated.”

“I like him. I mean I really like him. But I haven’t told him.”

“Telling him would be a big step. Now, let’s go through all the different scenarios of what might happen.”

I raised my hand.

Dr. Martin smiled and gestured for me to speak.

Honestly.

“What if I’m wrong? What if he’s not attracted to me? What if he’s just being nice?”

“Well, why don’t we discuss the ramifications of if you’re reading things wrong. More importantly, though, you need to think about whether or not you’re ready for a relationship—of any kind.”

I settled back in my seat. “Three days ago I would’ve said no way. Today? Things look really different.”

“Then let’s talk about what’s changed.”

And so we did. For almost an hour.

I texted Marcie, and she picked me up.

We weren’t back in the house ten minutes before all hell broke loose.