Page 42

He paused, seeming to weigh his words carefully. "And you don't have to navigate any of it alone. We're here for whatever comes—the good days, the difficult ones, the confusing moments when you don't know what you're feeling or why."

I felt my throat tighten with emotion at his reassurance. "What if I become someone you don't like? What if the real me, without all the suppression, is too much?"

Julian stepped closer, his voice dropping to a gentle murmur. "Lilianna, we already care about you. Not some idealized version, not who we think you should be.” His eyes flicker to my lips and I felt myself freeze.

"We care about you, exactly as you are right now, and we'll care about whoever you become as you heal and grow." His gaze lingered on my face, and I felt my breath catch as something shifted in the air between us. "You could never be too much for us."

The intensity in his voice made my knees weak, and I found myself swaying slightly toward him before catching myself. The movement was so subtle I wasn't sure he'd noticed, but the way his eyes darkened suggested he had.

"Julian," I whispered, not sure what I was asking for but knowing I wanted something I couldn't name.

He lifted his hand slowly, giving me time to pull away, before his fingers brushed against my cheek with feather-light gentleness.

"You're beautiful, Lilianna. Not just your appearance—though you are stunning—but your courage, your curiosity, your capacity for growth despite everything you've endured.

" His thumb traced along my cheekbone, and I leaned into the touch without conscious thought.

"Getting to witness you discover who you really are. .. it's a privilege."

My heart hammered against my ribs as I gazed up at him, mesmerized by the warmth in his hazel eyes.

No one had ever looked at me the way Julian was looking at me now—like I was precious, desired, worthy of tenderness.

The medication might not have started working yet, but something was definitely shifting inside me, a flutter of want I'd never experienced before.

"I should let you get some rest," Julian said softly, though he made no move to step away. His hand remained cupped against my cheek, his thumb still tracing gentle patterns across my skin.

"Should you?" I asked, the words slipping out before I could stop them. My boldness surprised us both,

Julian's eyes darkened, his pupils dilating as his gaze dropped to my lips again. "No," he admitted, his voice rougher than I'd ever heard it. "But I want to respect your boundaries. Especially tonight, when you're starting a new medication and facing so many changes."

I swallowed, gathering courage I didn't know I possessed. "What if my boundary is that I want you to kiss me?"

The words hung between us, my heart thundering so loudly I was certain he could hear it. Julian went very still, his breath catching audibly.

"Are you sure?" he asked, his voice barely above a whisper. "I don't want you to feel any pressure."

"I'm sure," I whispered back, surprised by my own certainty. "I've never been kissed before. Not really. Not by someone I chose."

Something fierce and protective flashed in Julian's eyes at my admission. His hand slid from my cheek to cup the back of my neck, fingers threading gently through my hair.

"Then I want to make it perfect for you," he murmured, leaning down slowly, giving me every opportunity to change my mind.

But I didn't want to change my mind. I tilted my face up to meet him, my eyes fluttering closed as his lips finally touched mine.

The kiss was gentle, almost reverent—a soft press of warmth that sent tingles radiating through my entire body.

His lips moved against mine with careful restraint, teaching rather than demanding, guiding me through this new experience with exquisite patience.

I made a small sound of pleasure in the back of my throat, my hands instinctively reaching up to grip his shoulders for balance.

Julian responded by deepening the kiss slightly, his other hand coming to rest lightly at my waist, steadying me as he continued to explore my mouth with gentle determination.

The world narrowed to nothing but sensation—the warmth of his lips, the subtle pressure of his fingers against my neck, the intoxicating scent of him surrounding me.

Every nerve ending seemed to come alive, responding to his touch in ways I'd never experienced before.

Was this what I'd been missing all these years?

This overwhelming rush of feeling that made my knees weak and my heart race?

When Julian finally pulled back, his breathing was uneven, his eyes darker than I'd ever seen them. He rested his forehead against mine, his thumb tracing my now-sensitized lower lip.

"You're trembling," he murmured, his voice husky with restrained desire.

"I didn't know it could feel like that," I admitted, my own voice barely recognizable.

Julian's expression softened at my admission, though his eyes remained dark with desire. "How did it feel?" he asked gently, his thumb still tracing my lip.

"Like... like I was drowning and being saved at the same time," I whispered, trying to find words for sensations I'd never experienced. "Like every part of me was suddenly awake."

A low sound rumbled in Julian's chest, and his grip on my waist tightened almost imperceptibly. "That's what it should feel like," he said, his voice rough with emotion. "That's what you've been denied all these years."

I swayed toward him again, craving more of that overwhelming sensation, but Julian steadied me with gentle hands. "Easy," he murmured, though I could see the effort it took him to maintain control.

"But I want more," I whispered, surprising myself with my boldness.

Julian's eyes darkened further, his jaw tightening as he visibly struggled with himself. "And I want to give you more," he admitted, his voice a low rumble that sent shivers down my spine. "But tonight isn't the right time."

"Because of the medication?" I asked, feeling a flicker of disappointment.

"Partly," he nodded, his thumb tracing small circles against my waist. "But also because I want you to have time to process this first experience.

To understand what you're feeling without rushing into more.

" His eyes held mine, intense and sincere.

"Your first experiences matter, Lilianna.

I don't want them clouded by medication changes or uncertainty. "

I nodded slowly, understanding the wisdom in his words even as my body protested the distance he was creating. "Will you kiss me again? When I'm ready?" I asked, my voice barely above a whisper.

Julian's expression grew tender, his hand cupping my face once more. "As many times as you want," he promised, pressing a gentle kiss to my forehead. "Whenever you're ready."

I felt a warmth spread through my chest at his words, different from the overwhelming sensation of our kiss but equally comforting. "Thank you," I murmured. "For making it perfect."

"Thank you for trusting me with your first," he replied, his voice thick with emotion. "Sleep well, Lilianna. Dream of good things."

I watched him walk down the hallway, my fingers unconsciously touching my lips where I could still feel the phantom pressure of his kiss. Once he disappeared around the corner, I slipped into my room, closing the door behind me with a soft click.