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Chapter Forty-Two

Lilianna

We stopped at the door, my eyes glancing to Julian who was looking at me with dark eyes.

The hallway felt charged with electricity as we stood there, my hand still in Julian's.

The soft lighting cast shadows across his face, highlighting the sharp line of his jaw and the intensity in his hazel eyes that had darkened to something deeper, more primal.

"Lilianna," he said quietly, my name rough on his tongue.

His free hand came up to cup my face, thumb tracing along my cheekbone with reverent slowness.

"You said you wanted more, but nothing has to happen tonight. You can go to bed if you want.” He took a deep breath.

"I don't want to rush you," Julian continued, his voice barely above a whisper.

"But I also don't want to pretend I'm not affected by you.

By this." His thumb brushed across my lower lip, and I felt my breath catch at the gentle contact.

I leaned into his touch, my heart hammering against my ribs. "What if I don't want to go to bed alone?" I asked softly, the words escaping before I could second-guess them. "What if I want to stay with you?"

His eyes searched mine intently, looking for any sign of uncertainty. "Are you sure? After everything we just discussed downstairs—"

"I'm sure," I interrupted, my voice steadier than I felt. "They've controlled enough of my life. They don't get to control this too."

Something shifted in Julian's expression—surprise melting into something warmer, more possessive. "Lilianna," he breathed, stepping closer until I was pressed gently against my bedroom door.

"Are you sure?" he asked, his voice strained.

"Because once I have you in my arms, once I taste you properly, I don't think I'll be able to let you go.

" The possessiveness in his voice should have frightened me, but instead it sent heat spiraling through my core.

I'd never been wanted like this—with such intensity, such reverence. It was intoxicating.

"I don't want you to let me go," I whispered, my hands coming up to rest against his chest. I could feel his heart racing beneath my palms, matching the frantic rhythm of my own.

Julian's control snapped. His mouth crashed against mine with a hunger that stole my breath, his hands tangling in my hair as he pressed me more firmly against the door.

This kiss was nothing like the gentle exploration at the conservatory—this was raw need, barely contained desire that made my knees weak.

I melted into him, my body responding with an eagerness that surprised me. Every nerve ending felt alive, hypersensitive to his touch. When his teeth grazed my lower lip, I gasped, the sound swallowed by his mouth as he deepened the kiss.

"Inside," he growled against my lips, his hand fumbling for the door handle behind me. "Now."

We stumbled into my room, Julian kicking the door closed behind us before spinning me around and pressing me against it once more. His hands roamed over my body with reverent hunger, mapping every curve through the soft fabric of my dress.

"You're so beautiful," he murmured, his lips trailing down my neck to find the sensitive spot where it met my shoulder. "So perfect."

I arched into him, my fingers clutching at his shirt as waves of sensation crashed over me. Everything felt heightened—his scent surrounding me, the heat of his body against mine, the way his breath ghosted across my skin.

"Julian," I breathed, his name a prayer on my lips. His lips stilled against my throat, and I felt him inhale deeply, taking in my scent. When he lifted his head, his eyes had darkened, pupils dilated with desire.

“Tell me what you need," he said, voice rough with desire. "Tell me what you want."

"I don't know," I confessed, my hands still gripping his shirt. "I just know I need more of this. Of you."

Something softened in his expression even as his body remained tense against mine. "We'll go slowly," he promised, his forehead resting against mine. "Just tell me if anything feels too much."

I nodded, unable to find words as his fingers traced the curve of my waist, leaving trails of heat through the fabric of my dress. When his lips found mine again, the kiss was deeper, more deliberate—like he was memorizing me.

My hands slid up to his shoulders, feeling the coiled strength beneath his shirt. He was holding back

I could feel it in the tension running through his muscles, in the controlled way his hands explored my body. He was restraining himself, trying to be gentle for my sake.

"Please," I whispered against his mouth.

"Julian…. alpha." A low growl rumbled in his chest, the sound sending shivers down my spine.

His hands grew bolder, one sliding down to grasp my hip while the other traced the neckline of my dress, fingertips grazing the sensitive skin just above my collarbone.

"I've dreamed of this," Julian murmured, his lips traveling down my neck again. "Of having you like this. Feeling you respond to my touch."

I gasped as his teeth grazed my pulse point, my head falling back against the door. Every sensation was magnified, my body hypersensitive after years of chemical suppression. I felt his lips go up my neck before pulling me forward in another kiss.

"Julian," I whispered against his mouth, "you don't have to be so careful with me."

His eyes flashed, something primal lurking behind his careful control. "Yes, I do," he murmured, his voice a low rumble that vibrated through me. "You have no idea how much I want you, Lilianna. How completely I could consume you."

The confession sent a thrill through me, heat pooling low in my belly. I leaned forward, emboldened by desire, and pressed my lips to the strong column of his throat. His pulse jumped beneath my mouth, and I felt rather than heard the growl that rose from his chest.

"What if I want to be consumed?" I breathed against his skin, his control visibly fractured at my words.

Julian's hands tightened on my waist, lifting me effortlessly until my legs wrapped around his hips.

The sudden shift left me breathless, clinging to his shoulders as he carried me across the room.

"Do you know what you're asking for?" he murmured against my ear, his voice rough with restraint. "What it means when you speak to me like that?"

I nodded, my fingers threading through his hair. "I want to find out."

He laid me gently on the bed, in my nest. His eyes glanced around him, “Would you let me enter your nest?”

I nodded, “Please.” Then the next thing I knew his body was covering mine with careful precision. The weight of him was grounding, comforting in its solidity. Julian braced himself on his forearms, looking down at me with an intensity that made my heart stutter.

"You're shaking," he observed, brushing a strand of hair from my flushed cheek.

"Not from fear," I assured him, reaching up to trace the strong line of his jaw.

Julian's eyes searched mine, finding the truth in my words. "From what, then?" he asked softly, though I could see he already knew.

"From wanting," I whispered, my thumb brushing across his lower lip. "From finally understanding what it means to crave someone's touch."

He captured my thumb between his lips, the gentle suction making me gasp. The sensation shot straight through me, awakening nerves I didn't know existed. When he released it, his eyes had grown impossibly darker.

"I want to worship every inch of you," he murmured, his voice reverent. "But I need to know you're ready for that. Really ready."

Instead of answering with words, I pulled him down to me, my lips finding his in a kiss that left no room for doubt. This time, I was the one who deepened it, my tongue tracing the seam of his lips until he granted me access with a groan that vibrated through my entire body.

Julian's restraint finally broke. His hands became more insistent, sliding down my sides to grasp my hips, pulling me tighter against him. The hard evidence of his desire pressed against my center through our clothes, sending a shock of pleasure through me that had me arching against him.

"Julian," I gasped as his mouth left mine to trail hot kisses down my throat. His teeth scraped gently over my pulse point, not quite hard enough to mark but enough to make my body tremble with need.

"Touch me," I whispered, my voice hardly recognizable to my own ears. "Please."

He pulled back slightly to look at me, his eyes drinking in my flushed face and swollen lips. "Are you certain?" he asked one more time, his voice hoarse with desire and the effort of holding back.

"Yes. Now stop second-guessing me," I breathed, my hands working at the buttons of his shirt with trembling fingers.

Julian caught my hands, stilling them. "Let me," he said softly, sitting back on his heels.

With deliberate slowness, he began unbuttoning his shirt, his eyes never leaving mine.

The fabric fell away to reveal the broad expanse of his chest, and I couldn't help but reach out to trace the defined muscles with reverent fingers.

He shuddered under my touch, his breathing becoming more labored. "Lilianna," he warned, his voice strained.

"I like seeing you like this," I admitted, growing bolder.

"Like what?" Julian asked, his voice a low rumble that I could feel vibrating through me where our bodies touched.

"Undone," I whispered, running my fingers along the planes of his chest. "Less controlled."

His eyes darkened, pupils expanding until only a thin ring of amber remained. "You're playing with fire, little omega ."

The endearment sent a shiver through me. "Maybe I want to burn… alpha. "

With a growl that sounded almost pained, Julian leaned down, capturing my lips again. This kiss was deeper, hungrier, his tongue sweeping into my mouth with a possessiveness that made heat pool low in my belly. His hands found the zipper of my dress, pausing there.

"May I?" he murmured against my lips.