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Chapter Twenty-Four

Lilianna

I sat in the waiting room and t finished filling out the paperwork while waiting to be called back.

Julian sat beside me, his presence a steady anchor as I clutched the folder in my lap.

The doctor's office was unlike any medical facility I'd visited before—warm colors instead of sterile white, comfortable furniture rather than rigid plastic chairs, soft music playing in the background.

Even the reception desk seemed designed for comfort, with a low counter that allowed the staff to speak to patients at eye level rather than looking down at them.

"You're doing great," Julian murmured, noticing how I fidgeted with the folder's edge. "Deep breaths."

I nodded, trying to slow my racing heart.

Around us, other patients waited quietly—a pregnant omega with her mate, an elderly beta reading a magazine, a young alpha scrolling through her phone.

No one paid us any particular attention, which felt strangely liberating after years of being scrutinized in public.

"Lilianna Wycliffe?" A nurse appeared at the doorway, her warm smile immediately putting me at ease. She was a middle-aged beta with kind eyes and scrubs decorated with small butterflies. "Dr. Chen is ready to see you."

I stood on unsteady legs, Julian rising beside me with fluid grace. "Would you like me to come back with you?" he asked quietly, giving me the choice without pressure.

"Please," I whispered, grateful when he simply nodded and followed me down the hallway.

Dr. Chen's office was as welcoming as the waiting room—diplomas and certifications hung alongside artwork, plants sat on the windowsill, and her desk held personal photos alongside medical journals.

The doctor herself was a petite omega in her forties with intelligent dark eyes and an immediately reassuring presence.

"Lilianna, it's wonderful to meet you," Dr. Chen said, standing to shake my hand. Her grip was firm but gentle, her smile reaching her eyes. "And you must be Julian," she added, turning to shake his hand as well.

"Thank you for seeing us," Julian replied, his voice carrying that subtle protective note I was beginning to recognize.

"Please, have a seat," Dr. Chen gestured to two comfortable chairs across from her desk. "Before we begin, Lilianna, I want to make sure you understand something important: this is your appointment. While I'm happy Julian is here for support, all decisions today are yours alone."

The directness of her statement caught me off guard. In my previous medical experiences, doctors had always addressed my parents first, treating me as an afterthought.

"I... understand," I said, though the concept of medical autonomy still felt foreign.

Dr. Chen smiled, opening a tablet with my information. "I've reviewed the intake forms you completed. I understand you've been on suppressants since you were thirteen, is that correct?"

"Yes, I was put on them after I had my first heat.” I told her, shifting in the seat slightly.

Dr. Chen's expression remained professional, but I caught a flicker of concern in her eyes. "And you mentioned you weren't informed about what type of suppressants you were receiving?"

"No. The doctor would speak privately with my mother, and then a nurse would administer the injection. I was never given the specifics."

Dr. Chen made a note on her tablet, her brow furrowing slightly.

"That's troubling from both a medical and ethical standpoint.

Patients deserve to understand their treatment, regardless of age.

" She looked up, her gaze direct but kind.

"Would you be comfortable discussing how you've felt physically and emotionally while on suppressants? "

I glanced at Julian, who gave me an encouraging nod.

"I've always been tired," I began hesitantly. "Cold all the time. And everything feels... muted. Like I'm experiencing life through a thick pane of glass or even in a dense fog."

Dr. Chen nodded, making notes as I spoke. "Those symptoms are consistent with high-dose continuous suppressants, particularly older formulations. They don't just prevent heats—they dampen your entire endocrine system."

"Is that... normal?" I asked, uncertain if my experience was typical or if something had been wrong with me all along.

"It's a known side effect," Dr. Chen explained, her tone professional but gentle. "But it's not what we aim for with modern suppressant therapy. The goal should be to manage heat cycles while maintaining overall well-being, not to flatten all emotional and physical responses."

Julian shifted slightly beside me, his voice carefully controlled when he spoke. "What type of suppressant would cause these effects? Just so we understand what Lilianna has been taking."

Dr. Chen glanced at her tablet. "Without access to your previous medical records, I can't say with certainty and because of that I'd like to run some bloodwork to determine what's currently in your system. Once we know that, we can discuss your options moving forward."

"What will the bloodwork tell you?" I asked, surprised to find myself voicing the question without hesitation.

"The bloodwork will tell us several important things," Dr. Chen explained, setting her tablet aside and leaning forward slightly.

"First, we'll identify the specific type and concentration of suppressants in your system.

Second, we'll check your hormone levels to see how suppressed your natural production has become.

And third, we'll look at some other markers that can indicate how your body has been affected by long-term suppressant use. "

She pulled out a pamphlet and handed it to me. "These tests will also help us understand what your body might need to recover if you choose to reduce or discontinue suppressants."

I took the pamphlet, scanning the list of tests with growing anxiety. "How long will it take to get results?"

"Most results will be available within twenty-four to forty-eight hours," Dr. Chen replied. "But we are going to put a rush on yours since you have been on suppressants so long….so before the days end.”

"Thank you," I nodded, feeling a small surge of gratitude for her efficiency. "And if I decide to... change my suppressant regimen, what should I expect?"

Dr. Chen leaned back in her chair, her expression thoughtful.

"That depends on several factors—what you're currently taking, how long you've been on it, and what approach you choose going forward.

" She counted options on her fingers. "You could switch to a milder suppressant that manages heat cycles without dampening your entire system.

You could try a cyclical approach that allows for controlled heats in a safe environment.

Or you could gradually taper off suppressants entirely. "

Julian remained silent beside me, though I could sense his attentiveness to every word.

"What would you recommend?" I asked, then quickly added, "Not that I'm asking you to decide for me. I just want your professional opinion."

"I appreciate that clarification," Dr. Chen said with approval.

"Based on what you've told me about your symptoms and goals, I'd lean toward starting with a milder, modern suppressant that allows more of your natural hormonal function while still preventing heats.

This would let you experience more emotional range and physical energy while maintaining control over your cycles. "

She pulled out a chart showing different treatment options. "We could also discuss what a controlled heat might look like in a safe environment, if that's something you're curious about exploring eventually. But there's no pressure to decide anything today."

The concept of a "controlled heat" made my cheeks warm, though I found myself more curious than terrified. "What does that mean exactly?"

"It means having a heat in a safe, comfortable environment with people you trust, where you have complete autonomy over what happens," Dr. Chen explained matter-of-factly.

"Many omegas find that experiencing natural cycles helps them understand their own bodies better and can improve overall well-being," Dr. Chen explained matter-of-factly.

"But it's entirely optional and would only be something to consider once your system has adjusted to reduced suppressants. "

I nodded, trying to process all this information. The idea that I had options—real choices about my own body—was still overwhelming.

"What about... what about the emotional aspects?" I asked hesitantly. "I've been told that without suppressants, omegas become... inappropriate. Overly sexual or emotional."

Dr. Chen's expression hardened slightly.

"Whoever told you that was either misinformed or deliberately trying to control you through fear.

Natural omega hormones don't make you inappropriate—they make you human.

" She leaned forward, her voice taking on a firmer tone.

"Sexual desire and emotional depth are healthy, normal aspects of being an omega—of being a person.

Suppressants that completely eliminate those feelings aren't protecting you, they're diminishing your experience of life. "

I felt a flush of shame at her words, though her tone wasn't accusatory. "My mother always said—"

"Your mother was wrong," Dr. Chen interrupted gently but firmly. "And I suspect she knew that. Controlling your hormones was likely about controlling you, not protecting your health or wellbeing."

Julian shifted beside me, his scent carrying notes of protective anger even as his expression remained calm. "Dr. Chen, what kind of timeline might Lilianna expect if she decides to transition to a milder suppressant?"