Page 41 of Where the Shadows Land (Garden of Hope #1)

ASTORIA

A storia slumped against Mairuk’s side, humming and content.

Spring was now in full bloom, and the windows of their shared cottage were open to let the petrichor scented air blow through.

Her first cycle in the three months since she arrived ended yesterday, and Mairuk hadn’t let her out of bed since it started.

They preferred to tend to her and bring her anything she needed when she allowed them to.

They cooked for her while she bled and brewed her new teas to help ease the pain.

Mairuk dealt with their raging need to rut away from her once she explained to them that sex while she was on her cycle hurt.

They offered to use their tongue on her instead, but Astoria wasn’t brave enough for that, despite Mairuk’s insistence that they would love the taste of her blood.

She giggled into their chest, the haze of their influence heavy in her mind. Maybe next time.

After a few moments, Mairuk planted a kiss on the top of her head and tucked her boneless body into the sheets.

They returned with a warm, wet cloth and a cup of sour root tea.

They cleaned her up as she sipped the bitter concoc tion.

Mairuk took blood berries every morning, but the pair took every precaution given it was the peak of their breeding season.

Her body ached, but Astoria’s mind floated with the clouds.

Pleasure buzzed under her skin long after Mairuk fucked her.

It was a hum that vibrated through her veins, a promise of more should she ask for it.

She stopped trying to count how often Mairuk made her come each day, always getting lost somewhere around six.

Astoria never believed there was such a thing as too much pleasure until she found herself in an isolated village with a virile mushroom monster. She didn’t have the energy to complain.

Once Mairuk finished cleaning her up, they fluffed the pillows around her head. They curled their body around hers in a possessive hold that brought a sense of safety to her bones. Mairuk held her as if she was delicate and precious. In their arms, nothing seemed impossible.

Perhaps it was that deep sense of safety, or the gentle stroke of their hand down her back, or it might have been her inebriated state of mind that made the question form. Whatever loosened her tongue once her mouth opened, she couldn’t stop the words. “Do you want children, Mairuk?”

Their hand stroking her back stilled, and their chest filled with a deep breath.

They held her there for a moment. The question hung thick in the air between them.

Too many heartbeats passed for her comfort before Mairuk exhaled and continued their gentle strokes.

“We have always wanted them. Our family was large, even by Ardelok standards. When Incandescent seeded our young, we had many hopes, but they never got the chance to sprout. In truth, our feelings are complicated. Part of us still aches for family, for parenthood, to watch our sprouts bloom. The rest of us…”

“Is afraid,” Astoria whispered. “Afraid of losing them again.”

Mairuk pulled Astoria as close as they could. “Yes.”

“I wanted to be a mother my whole life.” Astoria traced her fingers along the textures of Mairuk’s chest. “I helped my mother care for my younger sisters. I watched over the children in the community and always offered to help my friends with their babies. If there was an infant whose mother needed a moment to breathe, she’d pass her child to me. My arms were always open.”

“You are caring and kind to help others with their young,” Mairuk said.

“Perhaps, but my family raised me with the understanding that having children was my greatest calling in the eyes of the gods. Having babies was my purpose, and part of my identity as a woman. When Damien and I got married, it took me so long to get pregnant. Inara was our miracle. A gift from the Goddess Ermolie Herself. I was so excited and then…” Astoria trailed off and closed her eyes.

Mairuk rubbed her back, holding silent space for her grief and sheltered her in their arms. When she found the strength to speak again, she looked up at them with tears blurring her vision.

“I lost her. My magic couldn’t save her because she was already gone.

Inara was my hope, my only tether to Damien, and there was nothing I could do to save her.

I couldn’t protect her in my own womb. If I couldn’t keep her safe, what right do I have to want another?

I wouldn’t survive another loss, but gods.

Part of me still burns to hold a baby in my arms.”

Astoria hiccuped as the wave of emotion crested over her. A choked, broken sob fell from her lips. Putting the depths of her shame and pain into words rubbed the wound raw, but she couldn’t stop herself from making herself bleed. She couldn’t stop her tears, or her sobbed confessions.

“I’m horrified I’ll fail again. That my body isn’t safe, that I am not safe enough to receive such a gift.

I’m not worthy of a baby. I keep thinking that I could get pregnant by you, and I expect to be afraid, or to not want it at all because of what we both have suffered.

But, I keep having these dreams and in them I’m holding twins in my arms. I love them so much it’s impossible to breathe.

Like you, I yearn for a family, but I’m too afraid.

There are countless reasons it’s a bad idea, but none of those compare to the wanting. ”

Mairuk held her as she sobbed, their hands gentle as they rubbed her back and pushed her hair away from her face.

They kissed her, slow and sweet. Mairuk rested their head against hers and sheltered them both under the safety of their cap.

They kissed her cheeks and licked away the tears, breathing in slow and deep.

She matched her breath to theirs and lost herself in the buzzing on her lips and the tingle on her cheek.

“We will have a rutting season every year. When you become our loktossi , our life force will fortify yours. If you desire children, Astoria, it would be our honor to give them to you. To raise them with you. Filling this garden with life and laughter is our greatest dream.” Mairuk’s multilayered voice was warm and soft in her mind as they kissed her nose.

“We have time, and there is no rush. Whenever you are ready, we will be here.”

Warmth bubbled in her chest. Astoria would be with Mairuk for the rest of her life as their loktossi .

While the idea still filled her with discomfort, Mairuk proved themselves worthy of trusting with her body.

She refused to admit the truth of her feelings, or how much more she entrusted to Mairuk’s large but gentle hands.

The emotions that filled her heart for Mairuk were different from her love for Damien. Damien was sparkling sunlight and warm laughter. He was her rock, her stability, and he had a glittering attitude.

Mairuk was the glow of magic on a moonless night and the lullaby the trees sang in the winter. They were the shoreline that welcomed her waves and deflated her tension with a soft hiss of pleasure. Both grounded her, cared for her, and made her feel safe, but they couldn’t have been more different.

Curled up in the safety of Mairuk’s arms with her head on their chest, Astoria realized that her heart had room for both.

~

Astoria knelt in the dirt with the setting springtime sunset hitting her back.

Her palms faced the ground and fed the soil her magic.

Mairuk sat across from her, their power weaving with hers as they worked.

Almost every evening since the spring equinox, they sat and worked magic back into the land.

The fruits of their labor sprouted around them in a bed of moss and clover that stretched outward in a spiral.

Another season or two of work, and the gray-brown dirt would vanish under the new growth they conjured together.

The sound of footsteps thundered in the direction of the forest, heavy and slow. Astoria opened her eyes and eased her magic back into her veins. Mairuk jolted from their crouched position and stood tall, a low growl in their chest.

The trees weren’t shrill or screaming in warning.

Instead, they cooed a song of curiosity and mild excitement.

Bastian lifted his head up from his curled position, his little ears rotating and picking up the distant sounds.

Mairuk gestured for Astoria to gather her weapons, something they insisted she have within reach at all times until they were bound.

She cleared the short distance between their workspace and the wall, then climbed up the nearest building.

She flattened herself against the mossy roof and hid behind the pitch.

Leri approached with two other Rholctai Astoria hadn’t seen before, and a shrouded human placed between them.

“Leri is coming with two others. A tall, golden one with an irregular-shaped cap, and a shorter one with a large, conical black cap that looks like it’s dripping something. There’s a human with them, but they are shrouded. I didn’t see anyone else,” Astoria said as she came down from the roof.

“Those are our companions.” Mairuk propped the heavy club they grabbed from the tool shed against the wall and tilted their head fully to the side. “They have never come as one, though. Leri and their loktossi weren’t supposed to arrive until the summer solstice.”

“Do you want me to hide?” Astoria asked.

“No need. Keep your bow on you, though, and do not get close to Idelic. They secrete a poison that burns skin from bone.” Mairuk paused for a moment, then added, “they are the one that drips. ”

Astoria nodded and notched an arrow in her bow. She kept her hold loose as she waited twenty steps behind Mairuk. They opened the gate and waved at their friends. “What good fortune brings all of you to Bostrai at once?”