Page 23 of Where the Shadows Land (Garden of Hope #1)

Mairuk dabbed the area with a cooling salve that eased the growing pain in her shoulder.

Their dexterous, gentle fingers massaged it in without causing more pain.

They wiped some excess salve on a wound over her brow and their three pink eyes met hers.

They tilted their head down and sighed. The warmth of their breath over her chest pulled goosebumps up all across her skin.

“We have lived alone for nine full rotations. This spring will mark the tenth. We have companions who travel the land, bring us materials, and aid us in our work. They never remain despite our countless invitations. The longest we have had company in almost ten years was three days. Until you came, stumbling alone and terrified into our garden.” Mairuk cleaned their hands, and their multilayered voice was a gentle caress in her mind.

“You are stronger and braver than I, Mairuk. I lost my family, my village and I lasted a week without my support system. I fell into a darkness so bleak I didn’t care if I rotted from the inside out.

You survived, you built this place. That’s inspiring.

” Astoria worried her lower lip between her teeth.

Mairuk threaded the hooked needle, but her weakness was the real worry that filled her mind.

“If we leave this place, the Spirit of Mieotsy will reclaim this land, and no one will remember all those we loved. Rebuilding what we lost gave us purpose. Meaning.” Mairuk pressed the needle into her skin and while it poked, the salve numbed the worst of the pain.

“Our kin burned in fire. There were no bodies to return to the soil. No magic to nourish this land. No blood and bone to strengthen it after your kin siphoned the magic away.”

Astoria drew her brows together. “Humans siphoned the magic?”

“They used a device that took from the land, and we sensed the magic as it evaporated. We did not see much, though. There was a blast, and it threw us into the bay. The Erlum i is likely the only reason we are still alive. The humans burned everyone else, and without proper burial rites, none from the garden will have their spirits return.”

“There’s no afterlife?” Astoria asked .

“Not for those who burned. Their soul is never ushered into the Great After. We do not know what they become. Some say they linger, but we have asked many times for signs. There has never been as much as a shift in the wind. Still, we stay. We honor their memory as best as we are able. We were content enough to live alone with ourselves and serve loneliness as the penance for our failure to save any of the others.” Mairuk lifted their eyes from her wound to her face.

The glowing blue ring at the base of their neck pulsed brightly, then dimmed.

Every subtle groove on the skin of their triangular face softened as the tension left their body with a soft sigh. “Then you came.”

“I don’t know how I ended up here,” Astoria said. “I followed Bastian for a while, but I ran on instinct.”

“We have not seen many humans, never around the rebuilt garden until your arrival. Part of us wanted to kill you, but another part of us urged the rest to keep you alive as a companion. Another heartbeat in the garden. You are gifted in the Orsea , and our system agreed that it was worth making a pact. Your presence, even hateful, was better than the silence.”

“I’m sorry for all the cruel words I have said. From this morning and all others.”

“Both of us have said cruel things. This morning and other times,” Mairuk said, their voice soft in her mind.

“You were frightened, shaking, and snapping your teeth in panic and pain. We both have suffered much, and when the wounds are prodded, neither of us acts within reason. We apologize for our part.”

“You’re forgiven. You’ve saved my life. Twice.”

“Why did you run?”

Astoria’s heart squeezed in her chest and she stared at the wall behind Mairuk, unable to meet their eyes.

“I am a coward. There is so much I fear, so much that I am ashamed of. I avoided you for days because when the sun set that night, it took all of my strength to keep myself inside. I was so ashamed of myself I hid from you to pretend it never happened.”

“We do not understand.” Mairuk frowned. “We want to understand.”

“Humans believe in an afterlife with the gods we worship. The Goddess of Light, Soleil, brings all souls home. If we live a life of faith, we’re permitted to bask in Her Holy Light after death and rejoin our eternal family.

Our friends and pets are there, too. That is why humans consider ourselves married, even after death.

The time in between life and death is only temporary.

What does a few decades matter when compared to eternity? ”

“We have spent nearly a full decade alone and can tell you the answer, Astoria. It is time, and time carries its own weight that rests on your shoulders.”

“As true as that may be, I made an oath to bind my soul to Damien’s.

In the eyes of the human gods, marriage is for eternity.

When I realized I desired you, that I wanted you to touch me, I felt like I betrayed the love of my life.

So, I got cruel to you this morning. I thought it would make it easier if we went back to hating each other.

You haven’t caused my pain, Mairuk. Not once.

You have given me hope, and I took out my anger at myself on you. Again.”

Mairuk remained silent, giving Astoria’s words space to breathe as they continued to stitch her up.

Astoria still couldn’t brave looking directly at them, so she closed her eyes.

“After you left this morning, I prayed. I called to the Goddess I worshiped my entire life. I begged for her forgiveness because what I did with you was a sin. The Orsea is a sin to use, even when I can’t control it.

My lack of mental strength is a sin. I begged and begged, but nothing happened.

I told Her of my struggles and I begged the Goddess to help me, but she let me go.

She cut off from Her Light. I ran because without a connection to her, my family was truly gone.

It was like I lost them both all over again, and it was my fault for failing my gods.

My plan was to find a Pillar and have a priestess rebind be before I died.

If I got away from you and begged enough, I thought the Goddess would forgive me. ”

“You ran so you could see your loved ones again?” Mairuk asked.

“Yes.” Astoria sighed. “I ran because I do want you, and that scares me. I still love Damien, and I always will. You offered me peace and hope that I don’t deserve, so I ran.

I had the love of my life, something that so few people are lucky enough to experience.

Touching you, no matter how badly I wanted to, felt like an insult to his memory.

Our folk are not kind to one another and bad blood runs deep on both sides. ”

Mairuk finished her shoulder and Astoria slipped the linen nightdress off her other shoulder and pushed it down to reveal the gash along her ribs.

She cupped her heavy breasts and pulled them close to her chest to give Mairuk full access to the wound while maintaining some semblance of modesty.

Her abundant chest was too much for her rather small hands.

She covered little more than her nipples, but it was better than nothing.

Mairuk started stitching her up, their cool, gentle touch bringing the goosebumps back.

“We understand that,” Mairuk said. “It took a few full rotations before the shame of bedding someone other than Incandescent did not take us under. We reminded ourselves many times that life is a gift. She loved us and would want us to find happiness wherever and with whoever we could. So, we live in her honor. Feel in her honor. We will never see her again in this life or any other because her soul scattered with her ashes in the wind, but our love keeps her alive. We can love her and live at the same time.”

“While you carried me back here, I thought more about the Goddess’ words.

She didn’t damn me. I think She set me free.

” Astoria braved looking at Mairuk. Their glowing pink gaze locked on her face and her cheeks burned.

“I’m still scared. I’m still broken, but I want to feel something.

Anything other than the pain, rage, and fear. ”

“Will you run from us again, Astoria of Leilan?” Mairuk asked, their voice soothing the prickling anxiety in her chest .

She considered it for a moment as she looked into Mairuk’s eyes.

Her old life was over. The Goddess freed her.

No one but the two of them lived in this village.

Who would judge her? Who would damn her?

Mairuk was the only one she ever spoke to who understood her pain.

They still loved their partner, but managed to move on physically.

Perhaps Astoria could, too. She shook, but it had nothing to do with the cold. “No.”

“Your broken pieces remind us of our own. We will be patient and assist when you allow. Do not run again, little vixen. If you are afraid, aching, or want to feel anything other than the pain? Tell us. You do not need to suffer alone.” Mairuk finished the last stitch on her ribs, leaving only the part of the wound that reached her hip.

“Alright.” Astoria swallowed. Mairuk pushed the nightdress down the soft rolls of her stomach and she lifted her hips, allowing them to take the garment off.

It fell in a puddle between them and she closed her eyes again.

The texture of their skin on her bare thigh and the gentleness of their touch fanned the flames burning bright in her belly.

Mairuk got to work, methodically placing salve on her bare hip.

Their hand was large enough to wrap all the way around her thigh.

The space between their hand and her sex was dangerously small.

Do they feel the heat coming off of me? Astoria shivered.

Too distracted by the feel of their skin, she barely registered the pull of the last stitch.

Mairuk pulled away and cleaned their hands of salve.

Astoria’s heart thrummed heavy and fast.

“What is wrong?” Mairuk asked. “Your heart just sped up.”

“I want you, Mairuk.”