Page 33 of Where the Shadows Land (Garden of Hope #1)

Every day of Astoria’s life, she hid her magic.

She only allowed it out when she was alone.

Her mother and Damien were the only humans who knew of her gifts.

Damien was now dead, and her mother was of advanced age.

She struggled to control it when her emotions ran high, so she hid and locked her emotions down.

She allowed too much of her magic and too much hope to paint her world under Mairuk’s bright pink eyes.

It didn’t matter how drawn she was to them.

It didn’t matter if their touch breathed life back into her lungs.

None of it mattered because she refused to be what they wanted.

She’d rather go back into misery than have her will taken away.

She deserved the pain and the darkness as penance for all the sins she didn’t have to be convinced to commit.

Sunlight danced into the entry with the creak of the wooden door.

Mairuk’s heavy footfalls thrummed through the floor.

Astoria hated how she knew it was them behind her and not the other Rholctai from the signature of their presence alone.

More than a scent, the sound of their voice, or the way they walked.

It was their very spirit that called out to her and made their presence known.

“We have upset you,” Mairuk said. The sound of their audible voice in her ears sent unwanted goosebumps down her arms. Astoria ignored them and continued to skin the rabbit. Mairuk stepped inside and closed the door behind them but didn’t approach. “You should not have heard that conversation.”

Fire burned through her chest and into her fingers. Turning around, she waved the knife at them. Covered in rabbit blood with tears on her face, she laughed like a maniac. “Are you fucking kidding me?”

“No?” Mairuk took one step back toward the door. “You are in a fragile state and we did not want you to hear about our intention to claim you that way. We are sorry. ”

“Don’t be! Why would I be upset that you want to turn me into a mindless fuck puppet with no will of my own? No, that’s every woman’s dream, you know. I would never be upset about that.” Astoria rolled her eyes.

“Astoria—”

“No. No, no. You don’t get to come in here and tell me I misunderstood you. You’re waiting for me to be ready to become your loktossi . I know what that word means, Mairuk. That isn’t something I’d ever agree to. Not with anyone.”

Mairuk took one step toward her, and Astoria pointed her knife at them with a glare.

Slowly, with their hands raised, they took a second step closer, stopping just outside her reach.

“ Loktossi is a term that encompasses a great many things. No human can remain in Ardelok lands without becoming one. The terms of the binding are different—”

“I don’t care!” Astoria stepped into Mairuk’s space and pinned the tip of the blade under the sharp point of their triangular face. “I will kill you if you try to take away my will, Mairuk. I’d willingly allow harpies to tear me to shreds for eternity if it meant I remained my own person.”

“We would never take your will away from you,” Mairuk said.

“Right. I’m supposed to believe that?” Astoria barked a humorless laugh.

“You would have to trust us, which is why we will wait as long as we are able. Only our companions visit the garden, and as long as we stay here, there is no rush.” Mairuk kept their head still, allowing her blade to press into the soft skin of their neck.

They gently pushed her hair over her shoulders, their eyes soft.

“It is the law of Ardelok lands. Every human must be bound. We could both face consequences if it becomes common knowledge that you’re unbound and here. ”

“What kind of consequences?” Astoria asked.

“You will either be forcibly bound or killed. We would go to prison for as long as deemed necessary by the magistrate,” Mairuk said .

“The Boundary Strait belongs to neither the humans nor the Ardeloks. Ardelok lands end at the boundary wall at the end of the strait. The laws of your lands have no influence here,” Astoria argued.

“The entire planet belonged to our kin first. This garden stands and we must adhere to the laws of our folk.”

“I’m human. Does that mean I need to adhere to the laws of my people, although I’m outside human lands?”

“Leri illuminated many things for us we were not aware of before. Our secretions inebriate you. One kiss from another Rholctai like us, is all it takes. A Rholctai with an aura would only need to touch you. They could influence your decisions in that state. If you held onto your convictions despite that, you would only need to say yes once.” Mairuk closed their eyes and took a deep breath.

When their gaze settled on hers, they cradled her face in one hand.

“You could be taken from us, Astoria. Another Rholctai could take you away and make you their loktossi , and there would be nothing we could do to stop it.”

Astoria pulled the knife back and shook her head. “No. I wouldn’t say yes. I wouldn’t agree to anything.”

“You would in time. A sage could extend the ritual for days. If you agree to something as simple as accepting water, that could get twisted as an acceptance of the bond. So yes, Astoria. We want to claim you and we want you to trust that we will never take your will away, because we cannot promise any other will grant you the same.”

“You’re lying to me. Why would you allow me to keep my will? Why would you tolerate me if I’m always like this or otherwise lost in the darkness? You’ve said it yourself. You expect me to run. Why wouldn’t you just take my will away to make sure I couldn’t?”

Mairuk gripped Astoria’s shoulders and sank to their knees, holding her chin so she couldn’t look away.

“We will never do anything to you without your consent. There are others among our kind who don’t care what humans want or think, but we do.

Your consent matters to us and we will never take away your will. ”

“I don’t believe you,” Astoria whispered.

“You don’t have to, not yet. We will do everything in our power to protect you from all others and give you time.”

“Why?” Astoria’s brows knitted together.

“You have reminded us what it feels like to be alive. You have brought light to this garden and have saved us from our self-imposed isolation. It would be a gift to have you as our loktossi . To have you under our protection.”

“You’re just saying that to manipulate my feelings.” Astoria tore out of their hold and turned around, slamming her knife into the wooden worktable.

“You do not get to tell us our own minds, Astoria.” Mairuk turned her to face them, one hand held her waist, and the other cupped her face.

“You are the center of all our thoughts. The first thing we think of when we wake and our last thought before we slip into dreams. You consumed us the moment you arrived. You have brought life to our garden, and you are precious to us.”

Tears welled in Astoria’s eyes, and she couldn’t stop them from falling. She leaned into their touch, the truth of their words clear on their face. She loosed a shaky breath and nearly choked on her words. “You won’t force me to carry your offspring?”

“Never,” Mairuk said, their tone earnest. “We did not realize we were compatible in such a way until Leri told us. We will take precautions moving forward. If we desire offspring, we are capable of doing that alone. Your body is yours and we would never push you into that.”

All the fight whooshed out of Astoria with a sob and she fell into Mairuk’s arms, the whirlwind of emotions too much to bear.

They held her close, wrapping their arms around her tight enough to support her but not so tight as to trap her.

She curled into them and hid her face in their dense chest. They surrounded her with such care that her heart ached.

Astoria misjudged Mairuk again , and the small sign of their consideration of her comfort only made her cry harder.

“We are sorry for upsetting you, our vixen. We are sorry that there is not another option, too. All we can promise is to give you time so that we can prove ourselves worthy of your trust,” Mairuk said.

Astoria couldn’t speak through her sobs, so she clutched Mairuk tighter. They would give her time, and Astoria prayed to all the gods that it would be enough.