Page 86 of When the Stars Rise

It was everything, and I was nothing but jelly limbs and that dizzy, all-consuming high you get in the early days of first love.

My heart took flight and soared into the sky, and I walked on air for weeks after that. Because Noah McCallister, who could have had any girl he wanted, lovedme.

It’s crazy thinking about that now.

Noah seemed so much older, so much more mature at the time.

It’s like he skipped the awkward years and went straight from being a cute little kid to a teenage heartthrob with lines and moves right out of central casting. Except that they weren’t scripted. It was all him.

Even our first kiss was amazing and not the least bit awkward. It was like Noah was born knowing how to kiss a girl even though I was his first… well, everything.

The first time we had sex… I don’t like to think about it that much, but sometimes I venture back there.

In hindsight, a camping trip was not the ideal setting for our first time. It was the campfire that pushed me over the edge. The smell of smoke took me back to the night of the accident.

But before I freaked out, he was so sweet and attentive and tried hard to make our first time good.

It was his first time, too. Even though he’d been with other girls in eleventh grade, we’d promised each other all our firsts at fifteen and kept our promise.

It meant a lot to me that he waited for me, and I always felt terrible that I’d ruined his first time, too.

I don’t know why I’m thinking about all this. I guess it’s because I didn’t say the words back, and now we’re on an overnight bus ride from Kansas City to Denver, and I’m dreading it.

So I’m staring at the ceiling in the darkness while Noah sleeps peacefully beside me.

I think he’s upset with me. Or hurt, maybe. I don’t know. I didn’t see him again until after my show tonight. He said he took a ride on his motorcycle but didn’t tell me where he went.

“What are you thinking about?”

His voice jolts me back to the present, and I turn my head toward him. In the darkness, I can just make out his profile and see his hands folded over his chest, his eyes on the ceiling.

“Nothing much.”

“Nothing much, huh? I can hear your thoughts from here. That’s how loud they are.”

“Loud enough to wake you?”

“Apparently so. I’m awake now.” He doesn’t sound too happy about it as he checks his phone for the time. “And I’m your two-in-the-morning person. So, do you want to talk about it?” His offer sounds sincere like he’s put his own disappointment aside.

Sometimes, I forget that we were friends first.

After our very first kiss, we made a vow that no matter what happened in the future, nothing would ever destroy our friendship.

A lot of people who go from friends to lovers make those promises and break them. So it’s something really special that Noah has always honored that vow. Even when our relationship is so messy and heavy and we don’t know where exactly we stand, and even when it hurts to be around each other, he is still my best friend.

I roll onto my side to face him. “I had a weird dream last night and woke up in a funk this morning.”

“Uh oh. Don’t tell me that giant pickle was chasing you again.”

“That wasn’t funny,” I mutter. It was hilarious. I bite the inside of my cheek to stop myself from laughing. “It was a huge pickle,” I say in my defense. “It chased me all around the cul-de-sac.”

Silent laughter shakes his body. “Pretty sure it wasn’t a pickle.”

“I was like ten. Of course, it was a pickle.”

“You were fourteen. It was a giant cock. You were having a premonition of how big I am and what it would be like to have sex—”

“With a huge dill pickle? I think not.”