Page 118 of When the Stars Rise

Fuck love. Fuck her for making me believe this time would be different.

And fuck me for throwing it all away.

CHAPTER FORTY-TWO

Hayley

“I don’t see the problem,”Aiden says, following me onto the tour bus. We’re in Seattle, and it’s all gray skies. Of course it is. “It’s not like you don’t know who he is or what he does. You’ve gotta admit that the shit he does is cool as hell.”

“Can we just get through the next week without discussing Noah?” I turn on the kettle and grab a mug and honey from the cupboard.

This morning, I woke up to a voicemail from him. I shouldn’t have even listened to it, but like a fool, I did. Not just once, either. I listened to it so many times I know it by heart.

He was drunk, slurring his words, and probably high. It felt like eleventh grade all over again except this time it was so much worse.

But I’m done crying over him, and I’m done worrying about him.

He can dive off every cliff in Mexico for all I care.

How dare he say I never fought for him?

I’ve been fighting to keep Noah alive for six years. Why does he think he was on this tour? Dean didn’t want me to invite him. But I fought to get him here. I havealwaysdefended Noah.

“Can I just say something?” Aiden leans against the counter. “I was seeing this girl, right?”

“For what, like two days?” I throw out as I spoon honey into my tea.

“No. I really liked her,” Aiden says. “We were together for almost a year.”

“Really?” I carry my tea to the sofa, and Aiden drops onto the seat beside me. “When was this?”

“Before I met you. Liam and I started a band in high school. We used to practice in our garage and play at parties and shit. So anyway, after I graduated, we bought an old van, fixed it up, and we were planning to go on tour, you know? Nothing like this tour. Dive bars and festivals and shit. But we were psyched. I mean, we’d been talking about it for months, and we had it all planned out. But my girlfriend freaked out. She didn’t want me to leave. She was scared I’d forget about her or sleep with a bunch of other girls on the road, and she couldn’t come with us because she had to work that summer and save for college. So she gave me an ultimatum. Choose me or go on tour.”

I angle my body toward him and tuck my legs underneath me, cradling the mug in my hands. “So what did you do?”

“I loved her. Or at least I thought I did at the time. This is like seven years ago. I was obviously thinking with my dick. So I chose her.”

My brows shoot up. I didn’t see that coming. “You did?”

“Yeah.” He slinks down on the sofa and kicks out his legs, folding his hands behind his head, brown eyes focused on the LED ceiling lights. The swelling and bruising around his nose and under his eyes have gone away but he has a bump on his nose that wasn’t there before that fight in the nightclub. “Biggestmistake of my life. My brother was so pissed. He found another drummer, and the guys took off without me.”

I sip my tea and try to imagine Aiden in love and committed to one girl, but I can’t. “What happened with you and the girlfriend?”

“I cheated on her.” He shrugs like it’s no big deal.

“Ugh, I should have known. You’re such a hound dog. Why would you do that?”

“Because I was eighteen?”

I roll my eyes. “That’s no excuse.”

“I know,” he admits. “It’s not the real reason either. I resented her for making me choose, and I was pissed off at myself for caving like that. If we really loved each other, she would have trusted me.”

I give him an incredulous look. “Can you seriously blame her for not trusting you? You cheatedon her.”

“You’re missing the point. I wouldn’t have cheated on her if she’d supported me. She knew how I felt about music. She knew how much I loved being in that band and how much I was looking forward to that tour. I mean, I gave up this big thing just to be with her and she wasn’t even spending all her free time with me. In my head, I was thinking, how fucking dare she go off with her friends and leave me hanging?”

“Oh wow. She wasn’t allowed to have friends either?”