Page 53 of When the Stars Rise

But for now, she’s here, exactly where I want her, so I take the liberty of skimming my hand up her thigh, over her silky soft skin.

She doesn’t try to stop me when my fingers dip under the T-shirt hem, searching for an answer to my unspoken question.

“Disappointed?” she teases when I’ve confirmed that she’s not entirely naked underneath.

I trace the outline of her panties, and her sharp inhale encourages me to continue my slow, gentle assault. “It would take more than a flimsy piece of silk to keep me out.”

“Oh yeah? What would it take?” Her voice sounds breathy as I slide my fingers between her thighs. My touch is featherlight, the pads of my fingers softly brushing, barely touching. But I can tell by the way her breathing gets labored that she wants me to test the limits.

“There’s only one thing that would stop me from taking what I want. The word no.” I pull my hand away and wrap it around her thigh just as if she’d said the word.

She shifts so she can see my face better. The only light on the balcony comes from the string lights draped around the striped awning and the yellow moon hanging over the city skyline but I can see her face clearly. “And what is it that you want, Noah?”

You. In every way imaginable.

I want to fuck her with my tongue and fingers.

I want to feel her clenching around me, her body writhing underneath me as she comes so hard, she’ll scream my name for all of Manhattan to hear it.

Then I want to lick her clean and bury myself so deep inside her that the whole world will melt away, and theonlything that will matter is chasing our release.

But first, I need the truth. Taking what I want doesn’t feel right until I know that Hayley’s okay. I need to know that she’sreallyokay and not just pretending.

“Why didn’t you tell me what happened in London?” She opens her mouth to protest, but I stop her with my words. “Dean told me what happened. Why didn’t you?”

“Dean told you?” she asks cautiously, like she’s not sure if we’re talking about the anxiety attack that put her in the hospital or the cause of it.

“I know about the stalker,” I say bluntly, erasing all doubts from her mind.

“Oh.” She averts her head so I can’t see her face.

My arm tightens around her, pulling her closer before she can slip away. “Hales.” I give her thigh a gentle squeeze, prompting her to be honest. “Are you okay?”

She nods, her eyes on the skyline. “Yeah, I’m fine.”

My head falls back, and I let out an exasperated sigh. Here we go again. “Stop saying everything is fine when it’s not. This is why you’ve been having bad dreams again, right?”

She chews on her lip and shrugs. I squeeze her thigh again, prompting her to be honest. “Yeah, I guess so. I was just…”

“You were just what?” I probe.

She shakes her head like she’s trying to clear it. “I was worried, that’s all. I didn’t want anyone’s death on my hands.”

I take a moment to process her words before speaking. “If anything had happened, it wouldnothave been your fault.”

She turns to face me. “Somethingdidhappen, Noah.”

“Because the dumb shit ran into traffic. All the other shit he threatened you with? That was just an attempt to manipulate you.”

“Maybe,” she admits. “But I didn’t want it on my conscience.”

This whole thing pisses me off. I don’t know how she could have fallen for that bullshit. “If a person wants to… end their life…” I swallow hard. “Nothing you could have said or done would have stopped them from doing it.”

I’ve been telling myself the same thing for almost two years. Beating myself up over what I could have said or done to turn things around.

Why couldn’t I rescue Zeke before it was too late?

So, I need to believe the words just as much as I need her to.