Page 30 of When I Forgot Us (Blue River #1)

She must have seen his answer in his face, because she leaned her head on his shoulder after he slid down beside her.

“I almost did. A hundred times. I’d gather up all my courage and try to ask.

” She pinched her fingers together against her thumb and tapped them to her chest. “And I’d freeze.

The words wouldn’t come. I was afraid you’d come to despise me for convincing you to come with me, and you’re too loyal to have ever been comfortable leaving me there. ”

“So, you abandoned me and everything we had together.” It wasn’t an accusation as much as a clarification. He’d thought long and hard about her leaving and had come to this conclusion years ago.

It made sense…in a Michelle kind of way.

“I thought I was doing the right thing. We were so young.” Her head tucked closer to his, until his chin rested on her temple. “Another excuse.”

He could stay in this moment forever. They were together, and despite the circumstance, happiness bloomed deep inside and began rooting out the discontent he’d initially felt at her arrival.

She’d given him the answers he sought, and they matched what he’d always suspected.

“You’re not wrong.” It dredged up years of heartache to admit the truth. “I would’ve hated it there. And if you’d stayed here, resentment definitely would have been a potential problem.”

“You said you want me to choose you.” She lifted her head and turned enough so they locked eyes. “I’m not here because I feel some kind of obligation, Chase. I’m here because of how I feel about you.”

“You two need anything?” Mom popped her head up over the stall. She took a step back as soon as she caught a look at his face. “Never mind. I’ll be back later with supper.”

Too late. She’d already interrupted the moment.

Michelle shifted on the ground, pulling away from him. “Sorry. I have to stand up. Thirty-year-old bones don’t like being on the ground that long.” She gripped the edge of the feed box and worked her way to her feet.

He followed with a wince, his knees complaining once again.

“You know, I used to make fun of Dad for talking about his aches and pains. I get it now.” He rubbed his knee and shook out his feet, where the pins and needles sensation prickled the worst. “I thought for sure I wouldn’t feel this way until I was sixty. ”

“Joke’s on us.” She elbowed him in the arm, her eyes panning around the stall. “About time to give her a rest, don’t you think?”

“You read my mind.” He held her arm on their way out of the stall. “Especially if it involves a soft chair and a cup of coffee.”

They’d made progress in their relationship today. He hesitated to push her into anything deeper. She’d admitted far more in the last hour than in their whole lives.

He’d been the one to ask for time, but when it came right down to the truth of it all, he was waiting for her.

Waiting for her to heal enough to genuinely love him and not simply fall back to him as default because her memories told her to.

Was it unfair to be that way? He hadn’t been able to make up his mind.

There had been times before her memory started coming back where he’d thought she had feelings for him, feelings that were not leftover echoes of their past.

“If you’ll make the coffee, I’ll find the cookies.” Michelle winked and let go of his arm.

“Cookies?” He shot the question at her retreating back.

Her laughter bounded back to him. “You’ll see.”

The last time he’d seen her that happy, they were teenagers riding side by side across the ranch.

By the time he finished the coffee, she reappeared like some kind of cookie fairy. The long white box gave off an enticing baked sugar smell. He dragged the scent in deep, his stomach churning. “Where did you manage to hide cookies all day?”

“Not all day.” She slid the box onto his desk and peeled open the lid. “I left earlier to get them from town. I’d just gotten back when you called the barn about the mare.” Her gaze drifted toward the stall. “I forgot all about the cookies and rushed to the tack room to start looking for supplies.

Ah. That made sense. He’d wondered why she stayed in the tack room the whole time they were walking the mare in.

“I’m sorry.” The hint of her smile fell. “I still don’t remember your favorite.”

“Cookie.” He lifted one and took a giant bite.

“Your point is?”

“Cookie.” He spoke around the mouthful. “I like all of them. Never had a favorite.”

“Even oatmeal raisin?”

“Mm.” He rocked his hand back and forth. “I’d still eat them.”

He grinned at her affronted expression. Even if she never regained all her memories, they had new ones to help pave the way to a future. If he was willing to take another chance and risk his heart all over again.

An ache built in his chest. He’d waited fifteen years.

What was a little while longer? No one else could fill the gap in his life.

He’d wait forever if that’s how long it took for her to fall in love with him again, a real kind of love, not something born of regret or some feeling that he’d saved her since coming home.

He craved the real thing, and nothing else would do.

Michelle poured them each a cup of coffee, picked up two cookies, and left the office.

He trailed along behind her without a word. Curiosity brightened the flavors of the red velvet cookie he carried, and he finished it off. Horses greeted them in their usual manner, but Michelle didn’t stop.

She walked with quick but quiet steps all the way to the back of the barn, to the last stall on the right. “There used to be a horse here.” A vein pulsed in her neck, and she rubbed her head. “Debbie? D something. Something about a flower?”

He stayed close but let her work through the moment. She didn’t ask for his help, and he understood her continued drive for independence.

“Daphne.” She snapped her fingers, a look of triumph brightening her eyes. “She was one of the only foals ever born here. You wanted to keep her and train her, make her a real cow pony.”

“Yep.” That was one of the best summers of his life. He’d been ecstatic at the chance to raise and train his very own horse.

Dad had allowed it, but only in the hours when he didn’t have other ranch obligations, and he made Chase learn as much as he could about training horses before he started with her.

Mom knocked on the barn door. “Dinner’s ready.”

Michelle grabbed him around the waist.

The sudden shock of her embrace froze him to the spot.

“I’ll put everything in the office.” Mom laughed under her breath, whatever else she said lost in the cascade of footsteps and Michelle’s excited bouncing.

“It’s all starting to come back.”

“That’s good.” He meant it. He’d wanted nothing more than for her to recover.

Even more than he wanted her to love him again, he wanted her happiness.

It had been difficult at first, but he’d found his way clear of the betrayal and staring down at the excitement and joy in her face, he forgave her once and for all for leaving him.

She popped onto her tiptoes and kissed his cheek. “I’ve come back to the Lord and He’s not done with me yet. I can feel it. He’s healing parts of me that I didn’t realize were broken.”

The rest of the world fell away, and her words hammered home in a series of healing thuds.

“I’m not giving up on us. Not by a long shot. I hurt you when I left, and even though I thought I was doing the right thing, I went about it the wrong way. I’m sorry for the pain I caused you.” She nestled her head against his chest and tightened one arm around his back.

He cradled his hand on the back of her head, fighting down the need to kiss her and tell her everything would be okay. If he knew, absolutely and without a doubt, that they were meant to traverse this path again, he’d allow his feelings to take control.

But he had no assurances. He held a woman giddy with the flush of memories of how she used to feel.

“I forgive you.” He smoothed her hair back from her cheek. “It’s part of our past, but it doesn’t have to hold us back. I’d like us to move forward.”

It was the best he could offer in a moment of careful optimism.

He released her, biting back a mental protest that begged him to hold on a little longer.

They spent the rest of the afternoon and well into the night sitting outside the mare’s stall, checking on her every two hours until daylight broke the horizon.

Michelle whispered memories to him, checking them as anchors in her new reality.

His hope soared with every new moment between them. She never left his side, never complained.

It gave him a glimpse of what the future might hold. He grasped it with all his power, praying for God to see him through whatever might happen next.