Page 3 of When I Forgot Us (Blue River #1)

Chapter Two

Chase pulled hay from his shirt and tossed it into the wheelbarrow. “How do I always end up with hay in my shirt?” His sigh caused the gelding in the stall he’d been mucking out to bob his head and flap his lip with a clapping sound. “I guess that’s as good an answer as anything.”

He rolled the wheelbarrow out into the aisle and closed the stall door behind him.

The horse on his left stretched out its neck and nosed his ribs.

“It’s not feeding time yet, Birdy. Get back in there before Samson decides you’re in his space.” Samson, the gelding whose stall he’d left, inched his head out over the half door and pinned his ears back at his neighbor. “See.”

Birdy kicked her stall door and jerked her head into her stall with a pretend squeal of anger.

“Yeah, yeah. You’re a big meanie and Samson better watch out.” He chuckled all the way to the manure pile, dumped the wheelbarrow, and headed back inside.

One more stall and he’d call it a day.

The office door opened, and Mom stepped out. She waved at him with one hand; the quick motions beckoning him forward. “Sarah’s on her way over. She’s bringing Michelle by for a visit.”

The smile that had started to grow fell flat and lifeless into a tense frown. His good mood evaporated quicker than water in the desert. “Is that a good idea?”

“Can’t be a bad one.” Mom gave him a look full of concern. “I thought you were okay with seeing her again.”

“I am.” He drove the words out, wished they held more truth, and relinquished his grip on the wheelbarrow to remove his hat and wipe the sweat from his face with the bandana he kept in his back pocket. “I saw her for a minute this morning. She didn’t recognize me.”

“Honey, she doesn’t recognize anyone, not even her own family.” Mom’s concern for him turned his stomach. “Did you expect her to take one look at you and her whole life to come flooding back?”

“Course not.” Not exactly. He’d been praying for her, praying and asking God to heal Michelle.

So, no. He hadn’t expected her to take one look and be healed, but he also hadn’t fully realized how much it would hurt for her to look through him like he’d never existed in her life.

In her mind, he didn’t exist. He knew that, and yet he struggled to come to terms with the reality of it.

A horse nickered behind him, and another bang followed.

He forced his shoulders back and rolled them in small circles.

Mom’s once-over saw far more than he liked, but she didn’t comment on his omission of truth. “It’s been fifteen years, Chase.”

The reminder stung. Fifteen years since she walked out of his life, choosing her career over their love.

He’d recovered well enough. He lived a full life on the ranch, doing what he loved every day.

If Michelle had found the same satisfaction in the city, then he’d be happy for her.

That was what rubbed wrong. He had no idea if she’d found happiness.

She cut all ties with him and the town—including her great aunt—when she drove away.

Fifteen years of silence. He was supposed to look at her and act like none of that stood between them?

Lord, give me grace and mercy. Help me treat her with the love and respect she deserves, even though the human part of me wants to confront her.

It won’t do any good. She doesn’t remember.

She has no idea how much she hurt me. That doesn’t excuse her actions back then, but it isn’t worth my anger now.

A deep breath steadied him long enough to meet Mom’s gaze head on.

“I have a few things to finish in the barn. I’ll be home soon. ”

“They’re staying for dinner.” It was a plea and a warning all rolled into one. He’d heard the tone often enough through his life to recognize it.

“I’ll be there. Just let me do this.” By this he meant mucking out the last stall and feeding the horses.

Maybe take a quick walk around the fields to exhaust his mind and body to the point that seeing Michelle wouldn’t feel like a punch in the gut.

He’d experienced that once today. It hurt enough for a lifetime.

His broken heart still bled for all that they’d missed— a lifetime of memories that never existed except in his dreams of a future he’d failed to create.

Mom left the office and approached. Her slow steps made no noise. She’d always had a grace and poise that carried her into a room and turned every head merely with her presence. Dad called her a powerhouse.

Chase never saw that side of her, but he understood it the day Michelle walked away. She’d wanted more than he could give and had been unwilling to settle.

“I wish it didn’t hurt you this much.” She brushed hay from his shoulder, then plucked a piece from his hat after he settled it on his head.

“I’m fine.” Another half-truth, and he clarified. “I can handle it. She’ll probably be gone again in a week. What’s the worst that could happen?”

“You could fall in love with her and have your heart broken.”

Too late. He’d never stopped loving her.

Didn’t matter that she had broken his heart.

Didn’t matter that he’d had other opportunities to fall in love.

She was his one and only. He’d known it since they were teenagers.

“If that happens, it’s my own fault.” He hugged Mom.

“Enjoy your time with Sarah. Don’t let what might or might not happen between me and Michelle ruin your night. ”

When he released her and took a step back, she curled her lip and pinched her nose. “Shower before you come in the house. You smell like manure.”

He ran his hands down the front of his shirt and toward the stains on his jeans. “Wonder why?” A chuckle broke the tension. “Can’t be because that horse of yours pushed me down into a fresh pile.”

“He would never.” Mom scolded him, wagging a finger as she backed up to Samson’s stall. “He’s a perfect angel.” Her snort of laughter ruined the scolding. “And I’ve told you to take him to the round pen when you’re cleaning his stall. It’s your own fault for not listening.”

A mistake he wouldn’t make again. He rolled the wheelbarrow to the last stall and slid the door open. “This one won’t take long.”

An hour and a half later, he’d finished his chores, showered, and spent another five minutes praying for God to give him a peaceful heart to deal with the dread spiking through him in hammering blows.

The drive from his house to Mom’s lasted all of five minutes, and by the time he pulled up and left his truck, three women walked out of the house and lined up on the porch.

He felt like a bug on display, and his shoulders rose toward his ears.

He drove them back down, managed a smile, and lifted his hat in greeting. “Evening. Sorry I’m late.”

Michelle’s gaze skipped over him, taking him in from Stetson to boots before her arms crossed and a tight frown crinkled her mouth.

Sarah gripped Michelle’s elbow in what looked like a show of support, and Mom’s head lowered to speak directly into Sarah’s ear.

At Sarah’s nod, Mom raised her voice. “Michelle, this is my son Chase.”

He stuck out his hand. “Pleasure.”

Warm, smooth skin caressed his. Her handshake was firm and swift, barely giving him a single pump before she retreated. “I saw you at the bed and breakfast.”

Was that an accusation? He spun his hat around in his hands and let the last of the sunlight dry his curls.

Michelle wore her long hair loose around her shoulders, the soft curls creating a wave effect around her face.

“I had to buy feed.” It was a flimsy excuse.

He’d used it for a reason to drive into town, but it didn’t explain why he’d parked four blocks away and walked past the B&B when he saw her car pull in.

“The feed store. That’s owned by the Wilson family.” Her stiffness eased.

“You remember?” he asked.

She thumbed toward Sarah. “Aunt Sarah told me when we walked around town.”

“Oh.” The short-lived joy that crashed into despair left him dizzy.

“We should go inside. Dinner’s ready.” Mom filled in the sudden silence with a false brightness.

Chase hurried up the steps and opened the front door, allowing them to walk in ahead of him.

Michelle paused at the end of the line, hesitating with one foot in the house and one on the porch. Her head swung back, and for one brief moment, they stood eye to eye. “Thank you.”

“You’re welcome.” The lack of recognition still stung, but when he looked deep into her brown eyes, he realized his hurt didn’t matter.

Michelle’s entire life had been ripped away from her, and he wanted to pout and complain because of something that happened fifteen years ago? He had no right to hold it against her when she didn’t remember.

“I’m sorry.” He blurted out the apology when she started to turn away. “If there’s anything I can do to help, let me know.”

For the first time since he arrived, a tiny, genuine smile appeared.

It reminded him of time spent together down by the pond, years and years of memories that tangled and begged for attention.

Had she missed him? Before she lost her memory, did she look back on those years with fondness or was it nothing more than a blip of time she’d suffered through until she finally escaped? Not knowing turned his stomach.

Knowing he couldn’t ask attempted to bring back the annoyance. He pushed it down, way out of the way where it belonged, and followed Michelle into the house.

Mom and Sarah bustled around the kitchen, their chatting and laughter filling the house with warmth. He missed the comfort of Mom’s laughter, the joy she found in having company.

Michelle stopped in the middle of the living room. Her hands opened and closed like her joints ached. “Can I ask you something?”

“Sure.” He made sure his tone remained polite and friendly, all while praying she wouldn’t ask how they knew each other.