Page 18 of When I Forgot Us (Blue River #1)

“Yes.” It seemed obvious to her. If they’d told her everything they knew, maybe it would have triggered something in her memory and all this angst would be gone already.

Chase’s words came back to her. He’d warned that their stories about her would be extensions of what they knew about her and would not be truly accurate representations of her as a person.

“Maybe.” She leaned forward and cupped her head in her hands. “I don’t know.”

“Do you want to hear stories about yourself?”

It was the lilting way she asked the question that brought Michelle’s head up.

She almost blurted ‘yes’ again but stopped to consider the possible repercussions.

“I want my memory back, not some glossed over version that’s been handed to me by someone else.

And I also want to hear about our friendship. ”

Mrs. Nelson set the photos and album aside, turning her full concentration to Michelle.

“You were a lovely child. You and Chase hit it off from the beginning. Two peas in a pod, that’s what Sarah and I called you.

When you came to the ranch, you never left each other.

If Chase had to ride out, you went along. ”

It matched the snatches of memory she’d relived last week. And now she understood why sitting in that saddle in the tack room brought a rush of familiarity Why the boots she’d tugged on made her eyes tear up.

“The two of you used to try and sneak calves into the house.” Soft laughter eased the lines around Mrs. Nelson’s eyes.

She pointed toward the stairs behind Michelle.

“I once caught the two of you with a day-old calf between you. You’d wrapped it in blankets and tried to tell me it was an old trunk you wanted to look through.

I might have believed you, but the calf bawled, and you both scrambled back outside like your britches were on fire. ”

She couldn’t help the laugh that shook her entire body. “I can’t imagine doing that. I don’t have any pets.” Her apartment had been bare of any kind of hint that she even liked animals.

“You did. And you were the main instigator in Chase teaching his horses tricks. It always delighted you when his horses bowed or lifted a hoof on command.”

Nostalgia and a deep sense of loss invaded with such savageness that the hollowness reappeared and threatened to swallow her whole. So many memories, a lifetime of love and laughter, gone.

“It must have been hard for me to leave.” She choked out the words, not sure where they came from or why she forced them into existence. Maybe to try and understand her motivations.

Mrs. Nelson went quiet. She picked up the pictures and resumed adding them to the photo album. “You were both a little upset, but that was the life you wanted.”

“I did? Why?”

Mrs. Nelson shrugged. “I’m not sure, honey.”

“Did I tell Chase?” Surely, she’d talked to her best friend about why she’d chosen to leave Blue River.

That same puckered expression appeared on Mrs. Nelson’s face. “If you did, he never told me. And he wouldn’t. You two were thick as thieves. He’d never betray you by talking behind your back.”

That sounded like him. Honest to a fault and willing to suffer himself if it protected someone else.

What did that make her for putting him through this? They’d been friends, and he’d never indicated that in any of their conversations. It explained the familiarity and why she’d found the ability to laugh and joke with him. No one else brought that out in her.

Mrs. Nelson concentrated so hard on the photos that it became obvious she knew more but held it back. Her loyalty was to Chase. If Michelle wanted more information, she’d have to get it from him.

“I’m going to the barn. I need a break.” She stood and cleared her throat. “I’ll come back and finish this later.”

“Of course.” A soft smile appeared, and it almost beat out the sorrow in the woman’s eyes. “I hope you find what you’re looking for.”

So did she. She stepped outside and paused to let her eyes adjust. Even with the curtains open to allow sunlight into the living room, the vibrant clarity of being outdoors slammed into her.

Chase walked out of the barn with a saddle slung over his shoulder. He carried it to a horse tied to the fence and settled it into place.

The jackhammering feeling returned to her chest. She jogged down the steps and right up to him. “We were friends.”

He arched a brow and tightened the girth. “Is that a question?”

“Why did you let me believe we didn’t know each other.” She anchored her hands on her hips and squeezed.

“I told you we knew each other.”

She shook her head. “You indicated that we’d crossed paths, but not once did you give even the slightest indication that we’d been friends as kids.”

“I wanted to give you time to remember. How would telling you we grew up together help you?” He finished with the saddle and gathered up the reins. “I have to go. The cowboys need an extra hand.”

“It would’ve told me that I had a place here.

” Her voice pitched upward without her approval, making her sound childish.

She pinched the bridge of her nose. “I came here with no memory. You, Aunt Sarah, and Mrs. Nelson could have helped make that easier. You could have told me that we used to ride together, that I didn’t have to be afraid because you knew me. ”

“That’s just it.” He stuck his boot into the stirrup and swung up. “I knew you back then. It’s been fifteen years, Michelle. I know who you were back then. I have no idea who you are now, and neither do you. That’s why I didn’t tell you.”

“That’s the biggest cop-out excuse I’ve ever heard.” Anger made her volatile. It triggered a desire to lash out. She yanked it back and leaned her head back to stare up at him. “Hearing about who I used to be is good enough. Maybe it would have helped me.”

“Did all those stories from people in town help or did it make you more anxious?” He hit her with the most forceful truth she’d ever experienced.

Somehow, he knew her even now— knew that those stories from her past had eaten at her because she wanted so badly to remember. “Were we just friends?”

“I’m sorry, but I’m not talking to you about this right now.” He reined the horse around. “I hope you remember everything, but it’s not my place to give you my version of our history.”

“Why not?”

The way he looked at her, with his heart shining in his amazing brown eyes, she thought she knew. But instead of answering, he reached down and brushed his thumb over her cheek.

He rode away, leaving her standing there with her hand over her cheek.

Whatever happened between them as kids, it had affected him. They’d been best friends, and she’d left town. If only she knew why, she might understand that look.

She backtracked into the barn and stopped at Samson’s stall. “Looks like the one thing I’m good at is making a mess of my life.”

He bobbed his head, drawing out a chuckle from her, and nosed her pocket.

“I don’t keep treats in my pocket.” She nudged his head away. “But I know where they are.” In the office. The one place in the barn she’d avoided. She crossed to the closed door and lifted the latch. Iron hinges squealed, and the door swung open, banging against the wall with a thud.

She tiptoed across the wooden planks like she expected someone to run in and tell her she’d crossed a line. The bag of treats sat on the lowest shelf behind a desk so scratched she couldn’t even tell the original color. Picking up the bag, she pocketed a handful of treats.

A bright spot of color hooked her attention. She dropped the bag back on the shelf and flipped over the photo laying upside down one shelf up.

Chase. He took up all her attention at first, with his soulful eyes and the bright yellow graduation cap pressing his dark hair down around his ears.

She shifted her focus. A younger version of her stood beside Chase.

And the look in her eyes was nothing short of absolute adoration, maybe even love.

It made no sense. If she loved him that much, why had she left?

That bad breakup he’d mentioned when they talked about her life in the city. Had he brought that up because it was what happened between them?

An ache formed in the center of her forehead. If they’d been that close, and she left, why was he so nice to her now that she’d come back?

Did he hope for a second chance?

Did she want one? What if she was the reason they’d broken up?

The ache intensified. She sat in Chase’s chair and lowered her head to the table. “If you’re real…God, please help me…”