Page 16 of When I Forgot Us (Blue River #1)

“Nah. That would take too long. And a bunch of them require a degree.” She took her time picking up a single strand of barbed wire and walking it back to the post.

Chase joined her there and helped twist a new strand over top of the old one.

She left him to finish that strand and went back for the next. “I like what I’m doing here. This is fun, and every day is different, even if it’s the same. I always wonder what else is out there, though. How can I know I’ll be happy in one place?”

“Stay and find out.” The casual way he spoke contradicted the way he yanked the wire together so savagely it tore through his gloves. He pushed back from the fence and jerked off both gloves, muttering beneath his breath.

Not curses. She’d been around him long enough to know he didn’t curse. “Are you okay?”

“Fine.” He stalked to the truck, rifled around in the toolbox, and came back with another pair of gloves. “Go back to what you were saying.”

“I feel at home here, and it’s frustrating not knowing if I’ve felt that before.” She held the wire in place, trying to watch him at the same time. “My six months of memories are full of loneliness. I’ve gone through everything, and nothing about my life in the city made me happy.”

“Maybe you were happy earlier, and something happened. A bad break up?” Again, the soft tone butted hard against the tight pop of muscle in his jaw.

“I don’t think so.” A breeze stirred her hair on the back of her neck and ruffled the edges of Chase’s beneath his hat.

“Even if I had been in a relationship and it ended…” She trailed off and reconsidered.

“Well. I guess I’d have deleted all the pictures of us from my phone and maybe purged the apartment of his presence.

” A deep, hollow ache engulfed her. “But I don’t think that’s it. ”

His hands settled on her shoulders. “I’m sorry.”

“Don’t.” She started to shrug him off, but the heat of his almost embrace swaddled her up. When was the last time she’d felt this treasured and cared for? “How do I move forward knowing I might never get my memory back?”

“One day at a time.” He tipped her chin up. “I’m not trying to be annoying. Maybe you never regain your memories. You can still have a full life. You said it yourself; you like it here. Even if you did leave, you can find other places where life is fun and gives you all that you want.”

“You’re the first person who hasn’t offered me a platitude or promised that everything will be okay.

” The knot in her stomach eased a fraction.

“This morning, a woman met me on the street, tutted over my predicament and patted me on the arm while telling me that everything would be all right. How do I know it will be all right?”

“You don’t. None of us do. No one is promised easy. Pretty sure we’re all guaranteed to have some part of our life that is awful.” The wry tone helped her keep focused on the words and the impact they had on her heart.

He spoke from his own grief, and once again she mentally kicked herself for being insensitive.

“I don’t deserve a friend like you.” She hugged him tight.

“I’m always going on and on about my problems and never asking about yours.

I’ll do better.” She squeezed his ribs, and he patted her back.

“Any problems you want to complain about?”

“The price of cattle is too low and hay’s too high.” He chuckled and tickled the back of her neck with his gloved fingers. “I like that you’re comfortable talking to me. It’s nice.”

Nice? Not the word she’d have chosen, but she understood what he meant.

Warm sunshine beat down on them, highlighting the spaces where they clung together. The top of her head burned, and the brush of leather on the back of her neck gave her a flashing moment of absolute peace and love.

The depth of the emotion locked her in place. Love? No. Maybe she had an infatuation with Chase. He listened to her, and he was the first person she’d felt close to since waking up.

Kind of like when women fell in love with their kidnappers. What was that called? She racked her brain, the phrase sitting on the tip of her tongue.

“Would it make you feel better if I tell you to be patient, that it’ll all come back to you when you’re ready?” His chest vibrated under her cheek, and she realized she’d been leaning into him.

She pushed back from him, batting at his arms. “Ugh. Don’t even.

That’s the worst one.” A light laugh brought a rush of happiness that threatened to bowl her over.

This was what she’d needed. Chase offered her the kind of sarcasm that let her grieve without falling so far she lost herself.

“I want to believe that I’ll get my memories back.

I hope that I do, but I’m tired of living with the anticipation of waiting.

I’ve grieved for the loss, and I think I’m ready to move on.

If they come back, awesome, but I can’t keep shutting myself off from the world while I wait. ”

“You’re a strong woman, Michelle. You can do anything you put your mind to.” He waited a heartbeat, a smirk glinting in his eyes. “Except one thing.”

“What’s that?” It hit her even as she asked. “Oh, you better not have been going to say the one thing I can’t do is get my memories back.”

“I would never.” His grin said otherwise.

The hollow, aching feeling shrank as laughter filled it. “You’re a good man, Chase. I’m not sure what I’d be doing if your mom and my aunt hadn’t conspired to get me working here.”

“Probably helping Yvonne or walking around town eating ice cream until you’re sick.

” He finished attaching the broken strands of wire to the posts.

“From what I’ve seen, you’re not the type to stand around doing nothing.

” He peered at her over his shoulder. “Though you’re doing a good job of it now. I thought you were going to help me.”

“I’m not letting you guilt trip me. I don’t know a horseshoe from a hole in the ground. I’m not about to take the initiative on fence building when said fence could rip me to shreds.” She crossed her arms and scowled.

“Quick reference point. Both will make you fall when they’re on the ground. But you’ll only find one attached to the bottom of a horse’s hoof.” He bent to gather up their tools and strolled to the truck, whistling a merry tune.

A sable border collie sprinted across the field in their direction.

“I think your friend abandoned his post.” She pointed toward the blur of fur streaking in a flat-out run. She’d seen the dog twice but never close enough to pet him.

“Slow down, Hazel.” Chase moved to intercede the dog and dropped to a knee. Hazel slowed to a trot and jumped into Chase’s lap. She wiggled and twisted when he ruffled her ears. “What are you doing here, huh? Are the boys done with the cows?”

Seeing him in a moment of complete vulnerability caused a new kind of ache. He believed in her, even when she didn’t have the strength to believe in herself.

He’d offered the ranch and a job when he could have left her to fend for herself.

And he’d given her friendship when she had nothing to offer in return but brokenness.

It humbled her to be friends with him. He gave and gave with no hint of trying to gain favor. How could she return to her lifeless apartment in the city when she had all of this at her fingertips?

The thought of going back there put a foul taste in her mouth. If she’d loved it before, she no longer felt that way.

What if she stayed, fell in love with life here, and her memories returned to mess it all up? Her memories might bring back that love for the city.

Her challenge for Chase to try all the ice cream flavors came back with a newfound clarity. She enjoyed the thrill of trying new things.

Could that joy survive in a town like Blue River where ‘something new’ meant a new movie or popcorn flavor at the theater?

“Hazel, down.” Chase stood and held out his hand with the palm facing the ground. Hazel plopped down on his feet. “Not what I meant, but good enough.”

“Some cattle dog.” She hopped onto the truck’s tailgate. “She’s beautiful.”

“She loves working the cows and harassing the cowboys into feeding her scraps.” Chase jumped up to join her and patted the empty space. “Up, Hazel.”

Michelle concentrated her attention on the fence they’d fixed. “It’s weird seeing fences out here. Sometimes when I look out over the pastures, I wonder what it was like before barbed wire.”

“Land grabs and disputes over land and water.” He stroked Hazel without looking at the canine and she melted into a doggie puddle of joy. “I figure there was a raw kind of beauty to the open land, but was the chaos worth it?”

“Some chaos is worth all the trouble in the world.” She just had to find out what her chaos needed and what it meant for her future.