Page 25 of When I Forgot Us (Blue River #1)

Chapter Thirteen

Maybe he should’ve told her. She’d wanted to know what happened to them. Telling her she’d left him and he still didn’t understand why would hurt her more than not saying anything. She might not have her memory, but she hadn’t changed so much that he didn’t still know how she thought.

The office chair squeaked. “You’re quiet this morning.”

“Lot on my mind.” He turned the coffee cup around in his hands and peered into the blue ceramic. He’d drank almost the whole thing and had no memory of taking the first sip.

“I’d ask, but pretty obvious it’s about Michelle.”

Leave it to Mom to jump right into the problem without any hint of warning. “I’m riding out with the boys in a bit. Got a few cows missing on the lower pasture.”

“They’re probably holed up in the valley by the creek.” Mom spun around to face the computer. “Yep. That herd always gets split up this time of year.”

“We’ll bring them up to the southwest pasture for the rest of the month. They’ll be old enough to separate calves soon.”

Mom noted the change in the computer before leaning back and picking up her coffee. She eyed him over the rim, questions pulsing between them in the sullen silence.

His sullen silence. He’d refused to talk about Michelle since coming up from the barn yesterday. His heart couldn’t take the conversation yet.

She remembered both confessing their love for each other. It was devastating and poignant. Lord, is she ever going to remember why she left?

He had other things to worry about. Things that he’d considered priorities a month ago.

The minute Michelle walked back into his life, his perspective changed.

He’d put himself in a dangerous position and gave Michelle all the power.

The ranch needed him to put effort into running all the operations. He couldn’t just stop doing his job.

Even if he wanted to. Just long enough to see how things worked out with Michelle.

The risk outweighed the reward. She might never regain her memory.

She might choose him today and leave tomorrow when a new memory reminded her how much she loved the city.

“You look lost.” Mom’s comment was quiet, almost like she didn’t mean for him to hear.

“Thinking.” He did that a lot. “If this herd gets split every year, why do we always put them in that pasture, knowing we’re going to have to go hunting for them?”

“Because you know where they’ll be. If you put them in a new place and they separate, you won’t know where to look. That herd’s always been peculiar.” Mom shrugged and stood, making her way to the coffee pot on the counter that ran behind her desk.

The home office was cozy and clean, not cluttered and somewhat chaotic like the barn office. She kept this space organized all the way down to how many paperclips stayed on the desk versus in the drawer.

She held up the coffee pot. “Refill?”

“Sure.” He stretched out the empty cup, bracing the bottom with one hand. The wall clock chimed. “I need to get down to the barn.”

“Michelle and I will take care of the horses today.” She smiled that quiet smile he’d never understood. “It’ll be good for you to spend some time out with the cowboys.”

“You think I’ve been spending too much time with Michelle?”

She held up one hand in a stop motion. “That’s for you to decide. I have no part in this, no opinion, nothing. The two of you will work this out. One way or another.” Still grinning, she pointed at her Bible. “The three of you.”

It warmed him to have that distinction. Their last relationship hadn’t been rooted in God but in their feelings. His feelings hadn’t changed, but his relationship with God had grown by leaps and bounds over the years.

He drained the cup of coffee in a series of blistering gulps. “Gotta go.”

“Ride safe.” It was the same thing she’d told Dad. Day after day, year after year. She’d started telling him the same thing the first time he rode out with the cowboys.

There was comfort in the familiar, and a thrill to the undiscovered.

He’d never thought himself risk averse until it came time to put his heart on the line. Walking to the barn, he half-hoped Michelle would be there.

She often arrived around this time, and his pulse kicked up a notch until he reached the barn without spotting her car.

He worked at double speed to tack up and swing into the saddle. The cowboys had already been out and taken care of another problem several miles away and had agreed to meet up with him in the outer pasture.

His mare huffed and stamped when he kept her at a walk along the gravel drive.

Once they reached the grassy pasture, he asked for a jog and relaxed into the familiar rhythm.

Not the most comfortable gait, but it got them away from the barn and over the first hill where the cowboys clustered in a loose circle.

“You okay?” Chuck and the other cowboys eyed him with concern.

He swung out of the saddle and faced the Saturday morning daylight with squinted eyes. “Fine.”

“Oh boy. Did you hear that?” Chuck turned his gelding toward the fence and the remaining cowboys. “Says he’s fine but his face is pinched tighter than a lemon-sucking dog.”

“I know the cure for that.” Tom stood in his stirrups and pointed ahead. “Race you to the fence.”

“You’ll scare the herd.” Chase fought down the urge to accept the challenge.

He rolled his eyes so hard it was a wonder they stayed in his head. “The herd’s three miles that way.” He pointed to the west. “They couldn’t be bothered to move this time of morning unless we set off dynamite.”

“They better get ready to move.” That was the whole point of him being out here instead of in the barn with Michelle.

Would she even show up today? Mom planned on being down at the barn in an hour.

Between the two of them, the feeding shouldn’t be a problem.

You’re running away. No. Self-preservation wasn’t running away.

He’d asked for time. They both needed—and deserved—a chance to make their own decision about what happened next.

“I still have feelings for you.” Michelle’s words haunted him. Waking. Sleeping. No matter his state of mind, the way she’d looked at him slammed home.

“So?” Chuck rode in front of Chase and stopped, cutting his horse off. “What do you say?”

About? Oh, right. The race. “Why not.”

Chuck whooped and wheeled his horse around. “All right, boys. Anyone who wants in, line up. Going to the fence. First one through the gate wins.”

Chase rolled his shoulders, then cracked the bones in his neck. The drumming headache remained. No time for it. Work on the ranch needed doing whether his body, heart, mind, or soul ached. He had a responsibility to the ranch. And he always thought better on the back of a horse.

Where was his balance? That ability to look at a situation and know which way gave him the best option at happiness? It all became muddied around Michelle. He wanted her back in his life, but the risk of losing her again shut him down.

“On three.” Chuck held up his left arm.

Chase jolted in the saddle. He’d forgotten all about the cowboys and the race. Michelle had always done that to him. Wondering about her consumed his thoughts, and not always in a healthy way. Probably why Mom had worried about him when Michelle first came back.

“One.” Chase’s horse shifted left, almost bumping into Don’s mare.

The older cowboy snorted at Chase. “Going to take more than that to slow me down, boy.”

Chase laughed so hard he almost fell out of the saddle. “Two.”

More hooves shifting, horses prancing as they anticipated the race.

“Three.” Chuck dropped his arm, and they all bolted forward in a mad dash of horseflesh.

Chase dropped his hands close to the mare’s neck and let her stretch out her head. She pinned her ears back at her neighbors and lunged into the lead.

Laughter caught in the wind and tore around them, mingling with the pounding hooves. His spine rattled with the impact, the rush of exhilaration drawing out a smile and a laugh. Worry slipped away in those few minutes it took for them to barrel across the field.

His mare stretched further and added a last-ditch burst of speed that propelled them through the open gate ahead of everyone else. He let her keep running several seconds before gradually working her down to a walk. She chomped on the bit, anxious to run again.

The cowboys split into a series of circles until they had their horses slowed enough to bring them together again.

“Nothing like a good tear across the field to wake your heart up.” Chuck patted his chest. “Thought I had you for a minute.”

“No way.” Chase thumped his hand on the mare’s neck. “You’re never getting ahead of Coral.”

“There’s always that one time when I might.” He held up one finger and grinned.

“Let’s go work some cows.” Don had joined them in the race, but his no-nonsense attitude that matched Chase’s always kicked back into gear.

He joined the others and rode through the gate, hooking around to the west and the waiting herd.

All five horses spotted the herd at the same time. Excited stamps and snorts sent them all rocking in the saddles and tightening their grips on the reins.

“Raring to go.” Don grinned, causing his leathery cheeks to crease until they looked like they might break. “Half and half?”

“How many missing?” He was pretty sure he remembered Chuck telling him a dozen, but he didn’t trust that he’d heard correctly when his mind stayed so tangled up with Michelle.

“Thirteen,” Chuck answered. “Thought it was twelve, but the confirming headcount brought it up to thirteen.”

“I’d rather we gather up the stragglers then push the whole herd at the same time.

” Five cowboys could get both jobs done, but he hesitated to ask three men to move two hundred head.

“We must cross the road today, and I don’t want to push the stragglers to catch up. We need all hands for the crossing.”