Page 51 of We May Be Fractured

“And what is it that you see?”

“I see someone who’s beautiful. And caring. And selfless. And strong. That’s why I want to be with you. If you’d let me,” he confessed, heart racing. “Do you trust me?”

Landon paused, eyes fixed on his own hands. “It’s not about trusting you. It’s about me…trusting myself. Even though I have a reminder here.” He indicated the letters inked across his knuckles. “Trust. Nobody. Except. Yourself.”

“Is that what it means?”

“Thirty-five per cent.”

Aaron studied him, puzzled. Was this another one of Landon’s video game references?

“Thirty-five per cent of sexual abuse victims are at risk of becoming abusers. I’m scared of losing control, of not being able to stop myself. I couldn’t bear it if that happened with you.”

“You won’t make it happen,” Aaron reassured him. “I trust you.”

“What if I say yes to this? To us ?” Landon stopped picking at his lip piercing.

“I can’t give you that much, can’t make you promises, especially not now with all this shit going on.

” Landon dropped his hand again to the ground, next to Aaron but still on the other side of the line. “I’m going to testify.”

Aaron couldn’t stop the smile tugging at the corners of his mouth, despite the salty taste of tears. “You’re making the right call. I’m proud of you.”

“I’m not doing it for Ian or because I feel I have to. It’s for me, for my own closure.”

“That’s brave, you know.”

Landon murmured, not entirely convinced, “But going through all this…feels like I’m stuck in the past again. And it sucks, Aaron. I can’t give you anything right now, let alone…sex.”

“I don’t need sex. I don’t need anything more.”

“You say that now, but what if one day, I think I want sex and then change my mind later on?”

“We’ll wait until we’re sure. Both of us,” Aaron said matter-of-factly.

“What if it’s always a no for me?”

Aaron caught the real question behind Landon’s words.

“Then that’s how it is. Look, Landon, the only reason I’d even think about sex is because it’s with you , but I’m not desperate to do it every second.

” As he regarded Landon, so soft and beautiful under the faint tunnel lights, a warmth spread through him.

“I mean, don’t get me wrong, I’d happily do it with you all day, every day, but it’s still not a top priority. ”

Landon seemed to ponder that. “So, where do you stand with asexuality?”

Aaron’s cheeks warmed a bit. “I think I might be demi. That seems to fit. I’ve always struggled to find anyone sexually attractive.

I can’t do it like Nyle and Maeve, who look at someone and say things like ‘they’re hot’ or ‘I want to have sex with them.’ It…

doesn’t work that way for me. I need to, uh…

feel an emotional connection first to even think about that.

” He chuckled nervously; saying it out loud was more awkward than he’d expected.

“And you’re cool with my ‘friends with benefits’ idea?”

“Yeah. Because it’s you .”

Landon scratched behind his ear. “So, how does that work? I won’t lie; I don’t know much about demisexuality. I did ask Ria and read some stuff, but I’d rather hear it from you.”

Aaron shrugged. “Honestly, I’m still figuring it out. This is new territory for me too. Let’s say you’re the only one I want to have sex with because I feel that connection with you.” Landon’s obvious confusion made Aaron feel even more awkward. “Sounds weird, I know.”

“It’s not weird,” Landon assured him quickly. “Guess I have a lot of learning to do.”

“So, you’re okay with it?”

“Are you seriously asking me, someone who might not even be up for sex all the time, if I’m okay with you being demi?” Landon seemed amused.

“Yeah, of course. It’s as important that you’re okay with me as I am with you.”

A hint of a smile appeared on Landon’s face, showing off the dimple Aaron adored so much. “I’m okay with it. Are you?”

“Yeah, only wanted you to know where I stand. No pressure.”

“It might still be a bit of a challenge though.”

Ria’s words about doing the work to save the cherry tree at the retirement centre came back to Aaron. “Only because something takes effort doesn’t mean it’s not worth it. We’ll figure it out. Together.”

Landon’s mouth twitched into a different smile now. Small but genuine, warming Aaron as much as one of Ria’s generous smiles. Landon’s fingers crept towards his, and Aaron reached his out, letting them weave together over the cold metal line.

“I’ve missed you,” Aaron said softly.

“I’ve missed you too,” Landon replied.

“If you need space, I’ll give it to you. Know I’m here for you, always.”

Landon gaped at him in disbelief. “You’re on the other side of the line, in another world. You don’t exist in mine.”

“But I’m here, aren’t I? Talking to you, seeing you.”

“Perhaps you’re a curse.”

“Or maybe it’s destiny.”

“Destiny doesn’t exist.”

“So, I’m your destiny,” Aaron joked, trying to lighten the mood.

“You said crossing this line could mean vanishing into another world, right?”

“That was the game, yeah.”

Landon leaned in closer, his breath mingling with Aaron’s. “But what if we both stepped forward? Met in the middle…with a kiss?”

“Could be great, could be a disaster.”

“Worth the risk, you reckon?”

Aaron dropped his gaze to Landon’s lips, then back up to his eyes. His heart skipped a beat. “Can I…cross the line?” he whispered.

Landon barely got out a “Yes” before their lips met, turning goodbyes into hellos, and ‘I’m here for you’ and ‘I don’t want to be anywhere else’. The kiss wiped away the space between them, both desperate to tear down the invisible barrier keeping them apart.

Landon’s fingers held on to Aaron’s against the cool ground, his grip firm, as if to anchor Aaron and keep him from vanishing into another world or to ensure they both remained in this one together.

More than a game now, more than crossing lines or breaking barriers, this was about finding where they both belonged.

Aaron got lost in the kiss in a way he never had at the Barbican Centre. But this time, he didn’t feel lost at all. For the first time, he felt as though he had found something.

When they finally parted, Aaron’s laughter came light and easy.

“Hey,” he greeted Landon as if meeting him all over again.

“Hey,” Landon murmured.

“Still in one piece?”

“Were we ever?” Landon rested his forehead against Aaron’s. They were so close that Aaron’s vision merged, leaving Landon looking like a real-life, one-eyed Mike Wazowski. “Okay. Let’s give this a shot.”

Aaron’s smile grew. With his thumb, he stroked the back of Landon’s hand, which was warm despite the chilly air. “You said no promises, but maybe we can add one more rule to your playbook?”

“What’s that?”

“Be honest with me about what you want and what you don’t. I never want to overstep. You define your comfort zone, not me. Understand?”

Landon looked taken aback, but he agreed with a nod. “Aaron, you were never a distraction. You actually gave me a reason to quit searching for one.”

“I know. I listened to the podcast.”

Landon tensed up. “Ria.”

“Yeah. You’re great.”

“Just talking rubbish.”

“I like it. I mean it. But…‘Say It Right’ by Nelly Furtado?”

Landon shrugged. “Hey, I’m gay and living with Nyle, who’s even gayer.”

Aaron chuckled. He’d missed wandering around the house and hearing the songs Nyle played at full volume.

“Speak of the devil,” Landon said. “Nyle’s planning a horror movie marathon tonight. We take a drink every time someone flinches. Fancy joining?”

“That sounds tragic.”

“Exactly.” Landon pulled Aaron up to standing. “Come on, let’s go.”

They left the tunnel and made their way through the streets of Greenwich, hands clasped, comfortable in each other’s silence.

As they neared their destination, Aaron said, “Landon?”

Landon turned, a question in his eyes.

Meeting his gaze, Aaron continued, more confidently than ever, “You, too, are a bonfire.”