Page 45 of We May Be Fractured

He took deep, uneven breaths. Then, just as Landon had taught him, he mentally ticked off the first five items in the room that he could see, felt four different textures under his fingertips, and listened to the sounds drifting in through the open window.

When it came to smells, though, Aaron skipped the tea and instead buried his nose in his oversized hoodie and the scents of coconut, a hint of smoke, and something that reminded him of Landon’s skin.

It was familiar and comforting. But then, memories of their last fight stirred up a nasty knot in his stomach, making him long for the sharp tang of Worcestershire sauce to kill the nausea.

After a bit, Aaron managed to catch his breath and blurted out, “Everything’s a fucking disaster.” He turned abruptly to Aunt Olivia with a choked sob. If only he’d sat on the other side of the car, maybe Tori would still be here. “It’s not fair… I shouldn’t be the only one left.”

“Don’t spout such nonsense,” Aunt Olivia scolded him. “You’re deserving of every good thing in life. But you need to live it. Running away from everything isn’t going to help. If you let your past eat up your present, you’re throwing away any chance of happiness in the future.”

“I’ll find happiness in Sydney.”

“Stubborn as your mother, you are.”

“Only the finest traits,” he replied dryly.

“Think about it, Aaron. Tomorrow’s the end of the year, with a new beginning around the corner. Don’t trip up before you even start.”

“That’s just it, isn’t it? Starting anew.”

With a huff of frustration, she added, “At least consider what Tori left you. It might help.”

But Aaron was done with the conversation. He got up and retreated to his old room.

*

A aron spent the day in a bit of a daze, feeling none of the buzz about New Year’s Eve. Aunt Olivia didn’t push him to talk or anything; she just let him be. So, he holed up in his bedroom, binge-watching movies and feeling pretty down.

Nyle had been texting him non-stop since he’d left, trying to convince Aaron to come back or at least join them to celebrate, making it sound like a must-do family thing. But after the argument with Landon, Aaron couldn’t see himself returning there.

“ If going to Australia is really what you want, then go and never come back. But if you’re doing all this just to please a ghost, maybe you’re not the one to give me advice about dealing with my trauma when you’re still haunted by your own. ”

Aaron tried to shove those thoughts to the back of his mind. His emotions were all over the place, and even his Spotify playlist seemed to be against him, playing songs like “Misguided Ghost” by Paramore. And Peter Pan sat on his shelf, staring at him like a ghost.

Was he messing up his present and future by running from his past? Was he aimlessly running, like that song was saying? Had he been so focused on leaving that he’d forgotten any reason to stay?

Memories of the past few months with Landon, Nyle, and the others played in his head like scenes from a movie. It was wild how much had happened in such a short time. He never thought he’d make such connections after Tori’s death.

When “Peter Pan Was Right” by Anson Seabra started playing next, Aaron had had enough. He got up and left the house.

He ran through the busy streets, not thinking about where he was going. Somehow, he ended up by the Thames, right by the Greenwich Meridian marker. It was as if his legs had known where to take him.

Exhausted, Aaron plopped down on the asphalt next to the sign, his back against the cold metal pole. He exhaled, his breath fogging up in the chilly air. A weight of sadness pressed down on his chest.

The Thames stretched out in front of him, its dark waters reflecting the glittering lights from Canary Wharf. Fireworks burst in the sky here and there, each explosion followed by a wave of cheers.

Aaron fished out his phone, the digits 00:00 glowing on the screen.

Another year had begun. Another missed start.

All around him, people were celebrating—laughing, popping champagne. He could see folks having a great time through the windows of nearby buildings.

But there he sat, alone by the river, raising a toast to demons and ghosts.

He tried to call Tori, but of course, the network was jammed. Nyle’s messages, though, kept coming through, urging him to join their New Year’s gathering. But it was too late for that now.

Curiosity got the better of him, and he read through Nyle’s latest Instagram stories.

His heart sank when he saw Landon in one of them, sitting by the window, looking distant and lost in thought, cigarette in hand.

He seemed out of place amid the party buzz, but his vibe was the only one Aaron could connect with right now.

Sitting there, wrapped in Landon’s oversized hoodie, Aaron imagined he was in his arms. His skin warmed with the memory of him.

He missed Landon. He wondered if Landon was missing him too.

Glancing at the Here 24,859 sign, Aaron pondered. Maybe the distance needed to sort himself out and grab hold of a bit of happiness was way shorter than that.

Had Tori been trying to tell him something with that Peter Pan book? Why else would he be so scared to open it?

Aaron almost replied to one of Nyle’s messages, almost said he’d show up.

But then he pulled out the rabbit keyring with the keys to the house they all shared.

He knew he couldn’t just waltz back in there, not yet.

Not until he sorted out the things that had been haunting him.

Landon’s words echoed in his mind, and deep down, Aaron knew they were true.

“ You’re a liar and a rabbit, ” Landon had said, so close to him. Aaron could still feel the ghost of Landon’s thumb on his cheek. “ But you don’t have to be, not if you don’t want to. ”

Holding the little plushie in the fading light of the fireworks, Aaron stood up. Could he really change? Stop being the person always running away, always hiding?

He looked one last time at the Meridian sign, then turned and jogged back the way he’d come. It was time to confront his past, his fears, and whatever else was holding him back.

Time to face those ghosts.