Page 32 of We May Be Fractured

Revelations

[Now playing ? Do I Wanna Know?—Arctic Monkeys]

“H ey, Ria, can we talk for a minute?” Aaron caught up with her after their shift.

As the rest of their group moved ahead towards the pub, Aaron guided Ria to a more secluded spot behind the building. They leaned against a wall near some bins, out of earshot.

“So, what’s going on?” Ria asked, her full attention on him, her smile warm as always.

Aaron let out a long, unsure breath. He absentmindedly fiddled with the cord of his hoodie—Landon’s hoodie—as he struggled to find the right words. “Mind if I smoke?” he asked, reaching into his pocket.

She shook her head, and he quickly lit up a cigarette.

“So,” he started, taking a drag, but the rush of nicotine did nothing to calm him down.

“Imagine trying to pick your ice cream flavour. Everyone around you seems to have made up their mind, but you…you just don’t know.

You look at the available flavours, even think they all look good, but you don’t get the hype.

You try a few, sure, but none of them…wow you. ”

Ria looked lost but nodded encouragingly.

He took another drag. “It’s not that I hate ice cream or anything.

It’s just…I’ve never been that into it. But now, out of the blue, there’s this one flavour I’ve slowly started to notice.

Haven’t actually tried it yet, but I want to.

Just this one. I still don’t care about the other flavours, but this one…

I want it like nothing I’ve ever wanted before. ”

Ria tilted her head, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear, her piercings twinkling. “I think I see what you mean,” she said softly. “You need something more than just looks or popularity to be attracted to it. It’s like you’ve only started wanting this ‘flavour’ after you got to know it, right?”

“Exactly!” Aaron laughed at himself, shaking his head. “God, that sounds so stupid, doesn’t it?”

Ria chuckled. “No, but please let’s ditch the ice cream analogy. We’re talking about Landon, aren’t we?”

Aaron nodded a bit sheepishly.

“Do you fancy him?”

“I don’t know. Maybe? I’ve never felt this way about anyone before. It’s like my sex drive has woken up, and it’s all about him, no one else. And it’s confusing.”

“In what sense?”

“In the sense that I only seem to want to have sex with him. I don’t feel like that when looking at other guys.

I mean…I’m not freaking out because he’s a guy.

I’ve always thought I was bi. But now I’m wondering if maybe I was wrong?

Nyle thinks I’m a repressed gay, but it doesn’t feel that simple. ”

Ria rolled her eyes. “Nyle’s confidence in his sexuality doesn’t make him an expert on everyone else’s.”

“Yeah, but—”

“Listen, Aaron, it’s okay to feel lost in all this.

I’ve been there myself,” Ria reassured him.

“I thought I was straight initially, then questioned if I was gay when I got a crush on my best friend. Eventually, I realised I’m pan.

For me, it’s about the person, not their gender. It took time to understand that.”

Aaron exhaled a cloud of smoke. “Did you ever feel…stupid? For not knowing?”

“All the time. But there’s no right or wrong way to discover who you are. It’s your journey. Don’t let Nyle or anyone else tell you otherwise. Not everyone gets it, and that’s okay.” Her expression saddened.

“Right,” Aaron said. “I’ve been reading about asexuality, and some of it resonates with me, but then again, I’ve had sex, and it was fine.

But what if my attraction was more about their looks, not really them?

I can relate to some aspects of asexuality, but not completely.

Is it even a thing to be both bi and…ace? ”

Ria nodded. “Definitely. Sexuality is a spectrum. You might feel romantic attraction to multiple genders but only get the sexual attraction part in certain situations, or not at all.”

Aaron breathed out slowly. He’d read about that too. “How do you figure out if you like someone romantically or sexually? This sounds so complicated.”

Ria’s expression brightened. “Well, think of romantic attraction as the desire to be emotionally close to someone, to have that deep, personal connection. It’s like wanting to be with someone because you’re drawn to who they are, their personality, their essence.”

As Aaron pondered, he thought of Landon—his passion for tattoos, his caring nature, his resilience. Aaron felt more than admiration; he wanted to be part of Landon’s world.

“Sexual attraction,” Ria continued, “is about the physical pull, the craving for intimacy with that person.”

“Hmm,” Aaron murmured, sorting through his thoughts.

“With Landon, it wasn’t an instant spark, you know?

Didn’t exactly warm up to him at first. But then, as I got to know him, the real him, everything changed.

It’s strange. It’s not just that I’m into him physically—which, yeah, I am—but there’s more to it. ”

He paused, trying to articulate his tangled feelings. “Feels like I’m safe with him, like he just…understands me. It’s not about his looks; it’s about who he is that gets to me, you know?”

“Sounds like you might be demisexual, Aaron.”

“Demi, huh?” Aaron echoed, remembering what he’d read. “It’s when you don’t feel sexually attracted to anyone until you get this deep emotional bond with someone, right?”

“Hey,” she said softly, placing a reassuring hand on his shoulder, “Labels are just tools to help you figure things out, not box you in. If ‘demisexual’ feels right, that’s great.

If not, that’s okay too. You don’t need a label unless you want one.

It’s all about what makes you feel comfortable and understood, not about adding stress or pressure. ”

“Maybe I’m both demisexual and bisexual, then?”

“You know what, Aaron? Don’t focus too much on who you’re attracted to, but more about how you’re attracted to people. You might be drawn to a guy today and a girl tomorrow, but that doesn’t change your identity. Your identity is yours to define.”

Aaron nodded, processing this new information.

“I can send you some stuff,” Ria said with enthusiasm. “I’ve got loads of resources that could help. Why not drop by one of our Pride social events? It can be helpful to chat with people who’ve been in similar spots.”

“Thanks, that’d be great.”

“Just a heads-up, though,” Ria added with a slight sigh. “It’s easy to fall into the trap of comparing yourself to others. And you know, even within the LGBTQ plus community, not everyone’s on the same page about labels and stuff.”

“You mean like Nyle?”

Ria hummed. “Yeah, Nyle seems so sure of himself. I kinda envy that simplicity. Would’ve saved me a lot of confusion and therapy sessions if I was just gay. But the key thing is to be at peace with yourself and to have people around who get you and support you.”

Aaron thought of Aunt Olivia, who had been incredibly supportive when he told her he was bi. Maybe even too much when she had him sit through a two-hour presentation on the pros and cons of unprotected sex with both boys and girls.

“So, are you thinking of telling Landon about all this?”

Aaron chuckled nervously. “What, that I’m in the middle of a sexual identity crisis?”

Ria’s smile was warm and reassuring. “He likes you, Aaron. Make your move before it’s too late.”