Page 50 of We May Be Fractured

Lost and Found

[Now playing ? Someone to Stay—Vancouver Sleep Clinic]

A aron sat on the ground in the quiet foot tunnel, knees up, rhythmically tapping his shoe on the asphalt. He held an unlit cigarette in one hand and phone in the other, glancing between each passerby and the clock on his screen.

Any minute now, Landon should appear.

Part of him worried Landon might not show up. But then, right on time, he turned up, as reliable as ever.

“I’ve found you,” Landon said, nudging Aaron’s canvas trainers with his combat boots.

“Isn’t that what lost boys do?”

Landon snorted loudly and stepped on Aaron’s tapping foot. “What’s with all the mystery?” He crouched to Aaron’s level, flaunting a map screen. “You’ve got GPS on your phone. Why not just send me the location?”

“Could have,” Aaron replied, pocketing both his phone and cigarette. “But that would’ve been too easy. I wanted to make sure you really wanted to find me.”

Landon snorted again and plopped down next to him. “Seriously though, why here? It’s bloody freezing today.”

“I needed somewhere good to talk about Tori, somewhere with good memories.” Aaron ran his fingers over the cold metal strip in between them, marked Longitude Zero .

“This place was one of her favourites. Every time we came to London, she’d be so excited to show Aunt Olivia and me around, exploring every spot where the Greenwich Meridian line runs. ”

Landon peered up at the metal strip running along the wall.

“We’d do this thing,” Aaron continued. “She’d stand on one side of the line, and I’d be on the other, just like we’re doing now. We’d pretend we were from parallel worlds, daring each other to cross.”

“And what if you did?”

“We’d poof into thin air. Can’t handle the other world’s atmosphere or something.”

Landon shuffled a bit. “Well, I guess I better stick to my side, then.”

That comment drew a little smile from Aaron, but it was bitter with memories. He took a deep breath and pulled out his necklace, fingers playing with the pointy pendant.

Landon’s eyes dropped. “You and Tori. You had something special, didn’t you?”

“She was my best friend, the only real one I ever had,” Aaron admitted, his voice breaking as a tear traced its path down his cheek.

“Tori was…she was always there for me, always trying to cheer me up. Right till the end, she was thinking about me. But I…I got so caught up in my own stuff, and now I’m full of guilt.

I should’ve been a better brother, should’ve kept my promise to her. ”

“Like moving to Australia?”

Aaron nodded. “It was Tori’s big dream. Mum and Dad, though, were totally against it.

I told you, didn’t I? They were…suffocating.

No parties, no sleepovers, and they even made up allergies to control what Tori and I ate.

It was pretty miserable, to be honest. And they were always at each other’s throats, every single day. ”

Landon’s eyes widened. “Were they…I mean, was it abusive?”

“Not physically.” Aaron gripped the pendant so tightly he was sure the shape would imprint in his palm.

“But it was too much. Tori couldn’t take it anymore.

She had this plan to start fresh in Australia with her boyfriend, and she wanted me to tag along so I wouldn’t be stuck here alone.

We were looking into options for me to study abroad as well. But then…” He started trembling.

“It’s okay. You don’t have to—”

“I need to.” Aaron let go of the pendant and grabbed his knee instead.

He fixed his eyes on a random damp spot on the opposite wall, anything to keep focused as he recounted the day of the accident, Tori’s excitement about getting into her dream uni in Sydney, the heated arguments in the car, and how his dad had lost control.

“I can’t remember much after that. Just the crash, the car flipping, the glass, and ending up on the other side of the road.

It was all wrecked. And Mum and Dad…gone, just like that.

And the last thing I remember is them arguing.

They didn’t even leave me with a good last memory. ”

He dug his nails into the fabric of his jeans. Thinking about them always stirred up anger. And sadness.

“Isn’t it fucked up that I miss them but also…don’t?” Aaron said, more to himself than Landon. “I feel like I lost them way before the accident.”

“No, you’re not fucked up for feeling like this,” Landon offered. “My mom’s a junkie, and my dad might as well be a ghost. It’s different, I know, but feeling all over the place about parents, I get that. Family is…complicated, and it’s okay to feel sad, angry, relieved, all of it.”

Aaron’s eyes welled up. “It’s just…with Tori gone, too, I feel so lost.”

He took a deep, shaky breath, trying to steady himself. Everything was spinning. He pressed one hand harder against the dirty asphalt, but it was only when Landon’s pinkie caressed his that he found stability.

“Tori held my hand before it all went dark. She always did that, when Mum and Dad argued, to calm me down. And even though she was hurt, she didn’t let go. Told me to hold on to a happy thought, find my own Neverland.”

He stared at the wall, the memory blurring like the damp stain.

“I woke up in a hospital room with Aunt Olivia by my side. Everything hurt, but I was okay. They said Tori and I were lucky.” Tears spilled down his face, salty on his lips.

“She seemed all right at first, had surgery, the doctors hopeful. I saw her, alive, talking, even laughing… But then she got worse. A week later, she was gone. Now it’s just me and this damn necklace.

” He clutched the pendant again, its rough edges digging into his skin.

“It should’ve been Tori who made it, not me. ”

Landon’s grip on Aaron’s pinkie tightened. “Maybe so, but you can’t keep living in the past. Focus on what’s in front of you, the here and now.”

“But don’t you get it?” Aaron turned, his eyes searching Landon’s. “I was in her seat that day. What if I—”

“You could drive yourself crazy thinking like that. Going over and over those what-ifs won’t change a bloody thing. It happened, and it’s awful, but it’s done. You can either let it eat you up or let it go. Cry, shout, punch a pillow, whatever you need to do, but you’ve got to move on.”

“That’s exactly why I’m telling you all this. I don’t want to be haunted for the rest of my life.”

“Then don’t be. You have to let it out. All of it.” Landon glanced around the tunnel. “You know what? Do it now. Scream.”

“What? Here?” Aaron took in their surroundings, half in disbelief, but Landon’s serious expression told him he wasn’t joking.

“We’re in London. No one gives a shit if you scream your head off in a tunnel.”

“And what do I scream?”

“Anything and everything that’s bottled up inside you.”

Aaron sniffled, then let go of the necklace and wiped his cheeks. Despite the oddity of the suggestion, he trusted Landon.

Gearing himself up like he was about to make a giant leap, Aaron screamed.

He released all the anger, sadness, and frustration that had been building up inside him. His voice echoed off the tunnel walls, his throat burning and eyes tearing up once again.

“Any better?” Landon asked once the echoes died down.

Nodding, slightly out of breath, Aaron rested the back of his head against the cold, rough tunnel bricks. To his surprise, he did feel a sort of relief wash over him.

“If Tori were here, what would you say to her?”

Aaron closed his eyes, picturing his sister smiling beside him, maybe reminiscing. “I’d tell her I’m an idiot for not opening the book she left me.”

“What book?”

“ Peter Pan . We both loved it, but I only got the message now.” Aaron opened his eyes, meeting Landon’s gaze. “I thought I had to go far away to find my Neverland. But now, I don’t think that’s true.”

“So, you’re not thinking of Australia anymore?”

Aaron shook his head. “You were right. I was so focused on what was ahead I didn’t see what I had right here. These last few months with you and Nyle, and the others, I’ve felt more at home than I ever did anywhere else.”

Landon looked down, and Aaron followed his gaze to where their pinkies were entwined above the Prime Meridian line.

“I want to stay here,” Aaron said firmly. “I want to stay…with you.”

Abruptly, Landon withdrew his hand and moved away. “Don’t say things you’re not sure about.”

“You asked me to be honest, right? Well, here it is. I want to be with you, Landon. I’ve never been so sure about anything.”

“And what exactly do you expect from me?”

Aaron frowned. “Nothing.”

“Nobody wants nothing.”

“I just want to be around you, that’s all.”

“In what way?”

Aaron hesitated. “I don’t know…in a way that’s good for both of us.”

“You’re not being helpful.”

“Hey, it’s not like either of us is an expert in relationships, so don’t pin it all on me.”

“So, you’re saying you want a relationship ?” Landon asked a bit mockingly.

“I…maybe? I think so, yeah.” Aaron ran a hand through his greasy hair, feeling cornered under Landon’s intense gaze.

“A relationship,” Landon repeated, biting his lower lip to play with the lip piercing. “I don’t even know if I can do that.”

“Me neither, but I’m up for giving it a shot. How about you? What do you want?”

Landon paused as if weighing his options. “I stopped wanting things a long time ago. No want, no risk of getting hurt.”

“But what if what you want…wants you back?” Aaron asked, hopeful.

Landon gestured towards himself dismissively. “You want this? Look at me. I’m a mess.”

“News flash. So am I.”

“Yeah but—” Landon kept fiddling with his lip piercing.

“I don’t care about your past. If that’s what you’re afraid of. I don’t see you any differently than before.”

Landon laughed. “Of course you do. You see me with the wrong colours.”

“I’m colour-blind, not blind to who you are. I see you perfectly well, Landon Bailey,” Aaron remarked with a firm voice. “I’ve seen you for what you are from the very beginning. You can fool others, but you can’t fool me.”