Page 50

An alarm I’d never heard jolted me awake. I sat up, blinking, barely registering the bed rolling and dipping. Once my brain came online, I noticed Carson walking toward our bathroom. Rubbing my sleep-crusted eyes, I followed him, stopping to splash some water on my face.

“Babe?”

“In the fucking closet.”

“It’s too early for a mood. What’s up?”

“You’ll have to finish the decorating on your own.”

“What? Carson, I’m confused. What’s going on?”

He trudged by me with his seabag, and I did a double-take.

“Are you getting spun up?”

“Yeah,” he grumbled.

I sighed, scrubbed my hands over my face, and tried to don the mantle of supportive team spouse. Easier said than done. I was petrified. He’d just been released to active duty. The last op he’d been on was before we’d come clean with each other. It was bad enough back then. If something happened to him now…

“Doc, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to bite your head off. I’m just fucking pissed that our first Christmas together got ruined.”

“Me too, but you and I both knew this could and eventually would happen.”

“I know. I just wanted to be here when Margot opened her presents.”

“How about we save the big present for when you come home?”

We’d gotten her a puppy. Well, not a puppy puppy, but Julie had a dog that was a tactical school dropout. Wolfgang wasn’t a good fit as a K-9 or service animal, but he was fantastic with kids, and Margot loved the dog. So, Carson and I bought the dog for Margot for Christmas.

“I won’t have time to ask Julie. Do you mind?”

“Don’t worry. The SEAL wives will handle it.”

“Last I checked, you’re missing the vagina to fit in that group.”

“Quit being an ass.”

“I’m fucking pissed. This call is too early. They’ll probably HAHO us into some remote location and make us sit and spin for the next month before giving us the target package.”

I grabbed him and shoved my tongue down his throat, shutting off the tirade he’d been on since the call came in. When I released his mouth and pushed him away from me, I said, “Embrace the suck, babe. Isn’t that what you tell me all the time?”

He grabbed me and tossed me on the floor. He didn’t even bother to strip me bare. He shoved my sleep pants under my ass, held me down, worked me open, and sank into me.

Feral Carson was intoxicating and addictive. Ninety percent of the time, Carson was all about getting his insides rearranged, but that ten percent never failed to take me by surprise. I never knew what I would get when he slipped into that lust-fueled rage. Sometimes, he’d tie me down and ride my cock until we were both raw. Others, I got the man who went from zero to a hundred in less than a nanosecond, and he forced me to take whatever he gave me.

I had zero complaints. When sex-crazed Carson showed up, I knew the orgasms would scramble my brains and make me weak in the knees for days afterward. I loved it. I loved that he was confident enough to use me as he wished. I made sure I was ready for him whenever he wanted.

My cock bounced between my legs. My balls, full and heavy, slapped against his. His big hand wrapped around my forehead, tilting my head back against his shoulder.

“You’re so fucking gorgeous. I. Love. Fucking. You.” he said with the beat of his thrusts.

I reached for my dick, and he grabbed my hand, dragging it and the other one above my head, pinning them both.

“That’s mine.”

I whined, but he ignored me, changing his thrusts. Lightning bolts flashed through my body as he pegged my prostate. Over and over and over. Stars danced through my vision, glowing brighter and brighter until they burst like a supernova. A scream lodged in my throat, and I convulsed. Cum shot from my dick, puddling on the floor as he filled my ass.

I collapsed to the floor, gasping for breath so hard my chest felt ready to explode or maybe implode. I didn’t know.

Carson fell over me, his cock still spurting in my ass.

“That’s going to hurt tomorrow,” I said.

“What’s that?”

“Everything.”

“Good. You’ll have something to remember me by.”

I chuckled at him, rolling toward him gingerly.

“That’s never a concern, babe.”

His dick slipped from my hole, and I sucked in a breath.

“I love you, .”

“I love you too.”

“Before I leave, I need to show you something.”

“Okay?”

He stood, pulled his pants up over his ass, and did the same for me once he had me on my feet. I followed him to the small office I’d never seen him enter, much less use.

He pushed me toward the desk chair and pulled a couple of folders from the top right desk drawer. He opened them, and realization dawned on me.

“Carson…”

“Don’t you dare protest. You had to know this was coming.”

I did know, and I hated it. Planning for a servicemember’s death while simultaneously sending them off to a warzone was traumatizing but required. I sighed. “Okay. Lay it out for me.”

He flipped through the pages in the file, pointing out things, and then turned to a page that made me gasp. The numbers there blew me away. There were trust funds for Margot and all his brothers’ kids.

“Margot is the beneficiary of all my life insurance and assets, except for the trust funds I have set up for my nephews. You’re the executor of it all.”

I nodded, beyond flabbergasted. Was there something more than flabbergasted? I shook my head. How he had accumulated that much wealth was beyond me, but all I could do was gawk in confusion.

He kneeled next to me, turning the chair so I faced him. He took my hands in one of his and cupped my jaw.

“I know I threw a lot at you. And you probably have a shit ton of questions that I don’t have the time to answer. There’s a number for my financial guy in the middle drawer. His name is Edward. Call him. I’ve told him to answer any questions you have. If anything should happen to me, he will walk you through everything. He has a copy of my will and durable power of attorney. Anything you need, he can provide. I just need you to remember I love you. And I love Margot. I wanted to ensure the two of you would be provided for if I don’t make it back. The two of you are my life, and I promise to fight like hell to make it home to you.”

Tears filled my eyes, and my chin trembled. “That’s all we ask,” I gasped, failing to contain the surge of emotion I felt for this man.

Pulling him to his feet, I wrapped him in my arms and squeezed him to me as tight as possible. If I could’ve absorbed him into my body to protect him, I would’ve.

“I gotta go.”

I nodded but didn’t let loose for several more minutes. When I pulled away, I kissed him. No passion, no lust. The two things we got lost in whenever we touched. This time, it was just love.

“A picture before you leave me?”

He nodded, and we pressed our cheeks together. I fumbled with the new phone to take a photo of the two of us together. Then he took it from me and leaned against the desk with the phone held out in front of him.

“Hey, princess. I’m sorry I had to leave without saying goodbye in person and getting one of those awesome hugs you give. I don’t know if I’ll be home for Christmas morning, but remember, Santa is still watching, so be good for Daddy and Nana, and you’ll stay on the Nice List. I love you, princess. See you soon.”

He handed the phone back to me, and I kissed him again.

“You’re sexy enough without doing anything but the way you love my daughter… I don’t know if there’s anything sexier on this planet.”

And with a smile and another quick, hard kiss, he left me standing in the office holding the phone, surrounded by the evidence of what a kind, selfless, loving man I had the fortune to be loved by.

Mama, Margot, and I walked into Carson’s house later that same day. The plan had been for us to stay here over the holidays. I didn’t want to change those plans at the last minute, even if Carson couldn’t be here with us.

Margot darted off, “Carson!”

I sighed, scrubbing my hands over my face. The five o’clock shadow of my beard scraped my palms. Carson getting spun up had me spinning out myself, and I’d forgotten to shave.

“Daddy, where’s Carson?”

My heart broke for her. Carson was her favorite person. She had no clue that as soon as we could throw open the closet door, he would be her dad, too. He already did the job, title or not, but dammit, he deserved that title, and she deserved that role to be filled.

Picking her up, I sat in Carson’s chair with her on my lap. The two of them sat here together when he read to her or when she roped him into watching movies with her. He’d watch whatever she wanted, but ones where the female characters were just as badass as the male characters.

“Daddy? Are you okay? You look sad.”

“I am a little sad. Carson had to leave on a work trip, and he might not be here to open presents with us.”

Her lip trembled, and tears welled in her beautiful blue eyes. “But… we’re gonna make cookies like Mamaw. She said she sent him the ‘structions.”

With Carson going back on the deployable list early, we hadn’t been able to make the trip back to West Virginia like we’d originally planned, but we had made it back for Thanksgiving. Margot had ruled the roost.

As the only girl in the sea of Wilcox boys, I wasn’t counting Trip and Ashley’s little girl because she was too tiny to be involved, Margot wasn’t just the princess. She was the queen and made sure her subjects, a.k.a. Carson’s nephews, toed the line. I had no doubt Margot would ensure Trip and Ashley’s daughter, Adrienne learned the ropes on ruling the roost.

No one was more shocked than Carson when he learned Trip had named his daughter after his baby brother. When I asked Ashley she’d said, Carson fixed her marriage and they owed him everything for helping them find what was missing. I had no clue what she meant and neither did Carson. We just thanked our lucky stars that Trip had turned over a new leaf.

“I know she did. What if I set it up so we can do a video call with Mamaw, and we make cookies with her? Then, when Carson is back, you can make cookies with Carson.”

Her eyes grew large as saucers, and her tear-stained face brightened a smidge at the thought of making cookies twice. She clapped her hands together under her chin. “Cookies two times.”

I nodded, and Mama shook her head at us.

Over the next few days, I worked during the day, and in the evenings, I took up the reins on Carson’s holiday to-do list. We wrapped gifts for Margot’s teachers and friends. We bought a live tree, even though I was firmly against it and cautioned him that they were a mess. Then, we made cookies over a video call with Georgie. All the grandkids were in the kitchen with her doing the same thing Margot was doing: Making a mess and getting hyped up on sugar.

Through it all, I stayed in constant contact with Julie and kept one eye on the breaking news. Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell was being repealed. It was only a matter of time. The Senate could drag their feet all they wanted, but I knew, in my gut, it was going to happen.

“!” Mama yelled.

I hoofed it down the stairs and skidded to a stop. She stood in the middle of the room, tears rolling down her face. One hand covered her mouth, the other pointing at the television.

“What?”

She just pointed, shaking her finger at the television.

I shook my head and focused on the screen. The news was on. The headline took the breath from my body, and I crumpled to the floor, my legs akimbo before me.

“They did it. They actually did it,” I muttered.

Mama fell to her knees next to me and flung her arms around me as I stared in disbelief at the television. I watched the news, then spiraled down the information rabbit hole, digging for every morsel of news about what this meant and when we could all quit living in fear. I knew it wouldn’t be immediate. The military was a big machine with tons of cogs, gears, and moving parts. Getting a change that was this monumental to happen was going to take time. I just needed to know how much time because I wanted to be ready to drop to my knee the moment it was officially over.

In the midst of all the craziness, I printed out a picture I found on one website of the Capitol Rotunda with the words “Obama to Sign DADT Repeal.” I jokingly told Mama I was going to frame it. Instead, I did one thing better: I took a selfie with it and sent it to him, with the words, “IT PASSED!”