Page 42

CHAPTER 42

CARSON

Roman sneaked out hours ago, but not even the blowjobs and orgasms we traded were enough to shut my brain down so I could sleep. I couldn’t decide what to do about Amelia and Margot. I wanted them with me in Virginia. I’d love to have more time with Margot. I wanted to get to know her personality and quirks better, but I didn’t know how or what to tell my parents.

“Fuck!”

Growling, I jumped to my feet, or rather climbed, since jumping was out of the question for the time being. I limped around the room, rubbing my hip. The pain was more of an ache now. The doctor kept reassuring me it was well beyond where it should be, but he didn’t understand the need to return to my team.

Or the need to be at full speed for Roman and Margot. I didn’t want to start either relationship with me limping around. I knew in my heart they wouldn’t give a shit, but my head kept feeding me bullshit images of sitting on the sidelines, watching Margot play, and not being able to play with her. Then there was that fucking pediatrician. Perfect in every fucking way, by the looks of him. It still galled me that he saw me laid up in a hospital bed, weak and vulnerable.

Knowing the only thing that would calm the chaos of my mind was a long, hard run, and realizing that was out of the question for a bit longer, I was lucky to be walking on my own so soon that I dropped to the floor. Since running was out, sit-ups would have to make do.

Besides, Roman had already commented on my abs, so I had to keep them on point.

By the time I wore myself out, sweat poured from my body, pooling on the floor under me. Sitting up, my legs stretched out, I leaned back on my hands to catch my breath.

The thoughts still whirled in my head. Pros and cons flashed at an alarming rate, overwhelming me. I still didn’t know what to say, just that I would say something. My head dropped onto my shoulders, and I stared at the ceiling.

“What the hell are you doing?”

“What’s it look like, Val?”

Of all my nurses, she was one of my favorites. She didn’t pull any punches, and she didn’t put up with any shit.

“Well, there’s one of two options. Option one, you fell and messed up your leg. Option two, you’re working out before being released to do so.”

“Hmm. Well, I didn’t fall.”

“I swear to God, every time a SEAL shows up on my floor, I think to myself, “This one can’t be any more pigheaded than all the other ones,” and then you prove me wrong.”

She walked to the corner of the room where I’d stashed all the crutches, walkers, and canes. She grabbed the walker and started back to me.

“Don’t need that.”

I flipped over on my belly and popped up on my good leg, holding the other out of the way. “See?”

She inhaled so deeply that I thought for sure she would pass out. I’d bet my next payday that she was counting to ten.

Shaking her head, she said, “You stink.”

I burst out laughing. Of all the things I expected her to say, that was the very last thing I would’ve guessed.

“Yeah, I probably do.”

“So, what has you screwing around with your potential recovery?”

“A lot on my mind, that’s all.”

“Well, your mind can do backflips and parkour without you risking doing further damage.”

“Yeah, yeah, yeah. I know.”

“Go shower, then get in bed. Don’t make me call the doctor.”

A call to the doc could mean a call to Foster. I didn’t need him chewing my ass for not following the doctor’s orders. I sighed. Sometimes, I hated the military.

Not really, but close.

“Yes, ma’am.”

She pushed the walker toward me.

“Absolutely not.”

“Ensign…”

“You can put that right back in the corner. I don’t need it, and I’m not using it.”

A staring contest began. There was a joke about two pigheaded people in there somewhere. Probably something that started somewhat like, “How long does it take two pigheaded assholes to…” fill in the blank.

“Well, this doesn’t look good.”

Roman’s voice was like a magnet, one I struggled to ignore, but I did because backing down wasn’t an option.

“She’s being mean.”

“He’s being an idiot.”

“Jesus. The two of you are ridiculous. Carson quit being an ass and follow the staff’s orders. You can suffer one more day.”

A bratty smile overtook Val’s face. The only thing missing was her tongue stuck out at me and saying neener-neener.

“I’ll leave him to you, Dr. Ott. But just so you know, I found him working out. That puddle on the floor over there? Yeah, that was his idea of how to pass the time instead of asking for an Ambien.”

“I’m going to take a shower.”

I skirted around them, making a beeline for the bathroom door.

“You should take the walker, just in case. Especially after you wore yourself out with that workout.”

I wanted to flip him the bird, but he was in uniform, and the nurse was a specialist, so instead, I paused and gave him a look.

“Is that an order?”

“Yes.”

I gritted my teeth and grabbed the walker, pulling it behind me like a petulant child. I stripped, rushing through my shower. When I pulled back the curtain, Roman stood, leaning back against the bathroom door.

“You forgot your clothes.”

I reached for them, still pissy, but I refused to spend the last few hours I had with him being an ass.

“Thanks.”

I pulled on the clothes under his watchful eyes. The fact he stood watching me without making a move worried me. Since becoming mobile, if I was naked, he was all up in my business. Kissing, groping, making me see stars. I didn’t remember a time I’d gotten dressed since I got here that he’d not helped.

When I finished, he pushed off the door, pulled it open and held it for me. I moved back into the room, and he followed.

“You’re welcome. Sorry about earlier. I know I pissed you off.”

“Yeah, you did.”

His lips rolled into his mouth, but he held his hand up before I could utter another word.

“I was trying to divert some talk I’ve heard concerning us.”

“What talk? When did you hear it?”

“I’ve caught snippets since you’ve been here, but Ursula said there’d been some chatter. That’s why I left last night. We nearly got caught as it was, so I thought it would be best if I put some space between us.”

“God dammit, Roman. Why didn’t you say anything last night?”

“You were half asleep.”

“You can’t keep shit like that from me. We’ve gotta be honest with each other.”

“I know. And I’m sorry, but I didn’t want to upset you…”

“I’m a grown-ass man. I don’t need you coddling me. I can handle fucking bad news.”

He nodded, and I sighed, scrubbing my hands over my face and dropping into the recliner that sat next to my hospital bed. Petrified didn’t touch how scared I was. At this moment, or rather, the moment before I stepped out of the shower, I had every fucking thing I wanted. Yes, DADT cast a shadow over us, but just on the fringe. Now, it blocked out all light, leaving us shrouded in darkness, with destruction looming on the horizon.

“We’ve gotta be more careful,” I whispered.

“Yeah. We do. Caution and reason sat on one shoulder while lust and need sat on the other and drowned out all common sense.”

“After nearly thirty years of waiting, I’m not sure I would’ve been able to hear caution, reason, or common sense after realizing we were on the same page.”

We both burst out laughing, but it was short-lived. The clock was ticking, getting louder and louder with every passing second.

“It won’t be an issue once you’re back in Virginia.”

“No. It won’t. I don’t mix with many regular Navy, and the team is cool.”

“So, they know about Adam and Brock?”

“Yeah, they do. But how do you know?”

Roman smirked. “Radar.”

“That’s what Brock said, too. I thought he was bullshitting me.”

“It’s not foolproof by any means, and honestly, the way they care for each other made it clear.”

I nodded, laughing softly under my breath. “I still don’t know how the hell they hid it from the team for so long. We spend ninety percent of the year together, if not more, and none of us had any clue until Adam was captured. Brock lost his shit.”

“I understand that. I was on shift when the news announced a chopper carrying a SEAL Team had gone down. Ursula helped get me out of the ER, so I didn’t raise any suspicions.”

I tried to stop the words from coming out, but they weaseled their way past despite my efforts to stop them.

“And yet, here we are, suspicions raised.”

“Yeah.”

“So, what are we going to do?”

“Well, I know what we’re not going to do.”

The thought of not feeling his arms around me, his soft lips pressed against mine, gutted me like a fish, leaving a massive hole in my chest. My chin quivered with emotion. Closing my eyes, I rolled my lips between my teeth and bit down on them, trying and failing to hold the emotions at bay until I got home and had some privacy.

“This fucking sucks,” I whispered.

“Yeah, it does.”

We sat together silently, each of us lost in our thoughts. The future stretched out before us looked bleak as fuck. At least to me.

A deep inhale broke the silence.

“I’ve gotta get downstairs.”

I nodded. Roman stood, holding out his hand to me. Closing my eyes, I placed my hand in his. He pulled me to my feet, tugging me over to the room’s corner out of view from the door.

“I don’t know if I’ll get to see you before you leave.”

My head bobbed again. I tried my best to control the emotion brewing within.

“You going to say anything?”

My throat closed up. Never in my life had I been so overcome by emotion. Refusing to leave him hanging, I croaked, “I’m not ready.”

“Me neither, but this is our life.”

“Yeah.”

“Mama and Margot will be here soon. Did you decide?”

“Yeah. I’m going to invite them to Virginia.”

I hadn’t really decided, but when faced with being parted from Roman, I made up my mind. But first, I wanted to be sure I wasn’t being selfish?

“You’ll be okay on your own?”

“Yes, worrywart. I’ll be fine. I want you and Margot to get to know each other better.”

I nodded. “I want that, too.”

“Good. Now, kiss me.”

I pulled him to me. Our lips brushed softly. Once, twice, and then we fell into each other. Nips, sucks, and licks. Tongues sweeping inside and twining as our bodies pressed together. I groped at him, trying to get us as close as possible.

Nothing penetrated the fog Roman cast over me. Nothing until…

“Carson?”

Roman and I stepped away from each other, and I turned toward the voice, dropping to my knee.

“Carson, you shouldn’t…”

I waved him off. Did it fucking hurt? Yes, but it ached regardless, and babying the fucker wouldn’t get me back with the team.

I held my arms wide and said, “Hello, Princess.”

She raced into my arms. I scooped her up, wobbling as I stood. Roman and Amelia rushed to steady me.

“Carson, you need to get off that leg,” Amelia admonished.

“Yes, ma’am.”

I sat in the recliner with Margot on my lap.

“Margot, baby, be sure not to kick Carson’s leg, okay?”

“I won’t, Daddy.” She propped her feet up on the arm of the chair and launched into a monologue of all she’d done and what happened at school. I tried to give her my undivided attention, but glancing up from her shining face, I couldn’t help but smile.

Roman and Amelia stood there, phones raised, snapping photos. I shook my head at them and pressed a kiss to Margot’s forehead.

“Why’d you do that, Carson? You got my forehead wet!”

I laughed while she giggled, and all seemed right with the world.

“Roman, get over there with them. I want a picture of you all together.”

He squatted beside us, my hand wrapped around his back. He looked up at me, smiling softly as he placed his hand on my knee. Amelia told us to say cheese. I did, not because she told me to, but because my entire world and the future I’d always wanted but never thought I’d have a shot at was right here next to me.

In my arms.

And I realized, if I never made it back to the team, as long as I had Roman and Margot in my life, everything would be right in my world.